I'll be 72 in late May, right on or around Memorial Day. I just saw a posting in Facebook about a guy I dated for a short time saying he had died last August. He was 66. I really don't dwell on aging and I'm grateful for every morning I wake up and put my feet on the ground. But, so many people I knew, some I loved, have died and I know the longer I live, the more notices of deaths I will get. I don't fear death. I fear being in pain and suffering from some illness and becoming a burden on my daughter. I have accomplished a few things in my life but never got the guidance from my parents I should have gotten and so I wonder if I had gotten that guidance and love (my Mama loved me, my father ignored me), what type of person would I have been and what other things would I have accomplished. It seems like the longer I'm on this earth, the more I wonder what this life is all about. Just some musings on a cold, winter day on the coast of North Carolina.
On a slightly different topic - I am originally from the Morehead City/ Newport area. Grew up just off Hwy 24. Many moons ago my mom worked at Onslow Memorial Hospital.
@Alvinsmama I was actually born in the sealevel hospital in Sealevel, NC. I love the coast & will move back one day. I try to go home once or twice a year, maybe next time I am home we can meet for lunch or something
I read somewhere that the one factor that virtually all people have who make it to extreme old age is dealing with death in a healthy psychological way. They feel their grief, but don't dwell on it. They don't avoid talking about dead loved ones, but it doesn't consume them.
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I'm only 44 and never felt as if I would live to a ripe old age (for whatever reason), but I have always felt like I could visit my deceased loved ones any time I wanted--as if I could just go to the house they used to live in 30 years ago, and they would be there. I even sometimes feel this way about deceased pets also--as if I could go to a certain spot in the yard, and they would be there. I don't know if this is a healthy way to look at death or not--I certainly went through grief at the time they died--but at a certain point, it no longer feels like they are gone, psychologically or emotionally for me.
Reminds me of my old land lords saying, "Every day you get out of bed is a good day. Some day you will not be able to get out of bed. That will not be a good day."
A friend's parents lived to be very old. Before they died, they reached a point where they quit going to funerals as all their friends were gone.
What is life about? As you have a daughter you have won the gene lottery and she will likely continue your line.
@Alvinsmama You're still good. They will likely survive your time on earth and their lives are a product of your goodness.
::Hugs:: My mom, 92, is going though the same thing -- so many of her friends have passed away or are ill. Having lost four close friends while at university (car accidents, suicide, overdose), I sort of feel fortunate to experience the loss of peers early on in. It taught me a lot and, I believe, made me a better person. But, I do know how you feel ... not that long ago, I read a newspaper article about a guy I had dated when I was 19 -- he was a couple of years older than me. He dropped dead of a heart attack while going on his routine five-mile run. He was early 50s, still had kids at home. There's something quite jarring about discovering that a romantic (former) partner has passed that's different from other types of losses.
@Alvinsmama I don't believe that it should get any easier. If it ever did, what would be the point of living? It's the tough times that teach us, make us grow, and cause us to be more appreciative of every second, every minute, of every day. I believe that. May you live to a healthy old age, friend, surrounded by those you hold dear.
I don't think the answer to life has ever(or will be)been found,we go through it one day at a time,accumulating the various aches and pains,I just had a mental image of the old medical TV series "Ben Casey" the long passed actor Sam Jaffee would write on a white board(chalkboard?) the symbols for Man,Woman,Birth,Death,Infinity.