I'm so very sorry--I've known quite a few people who've lost family members to suicide & it's so hard for them. It may be one of the worst ways to lose someone. I myself would not tell her mom that her daughter was an atheist. Thinking that her daughter is now in Hell would be horrible for her. But if her religious messages to you bother you, you could just tell her that you are not a believer. Wishing you acceptance & healing in 2019....

I am so sorry for your loss. Still, allow her mother this. The loss of a child is devastating to a parent -- I lost a sister five years ago and my parents nearly fell apart. She needs to grieve in her own way.

Wow - that makes a difficult situations worse. Heartfelt condolences.

Let her have her illusions if they give her comfort. There's nothing to be gained by challenging her misbelief.

I am so sorry for your loss. I remember the funeral of a wonderful woman who I had known well and we had discussed just about everything. She had been an independent thinker and very intelligent. I had to listen to a minister who had probably never met her go on and on about her in ways that completely contradicted who she was. Tears were streaming down my face but it was more frustration than anything else. He was selling the church more than anything.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I haven't lost a significant other. But a good agnostic friend of mine lost his atheist mother, in our Southern Baptist community, and many people tried to console him by saying that she is in heaven. He doesn't really believe that, and it was hard for him to hear it from people. All I can say is that your mother-in-law is dealing with her grief in her own way, and telling her who her daughter really was will probably not help her cope. But maybe you can tell her that when she sends you prayers, it is harder for you, and so ask her respectfully to stop.

So sorry to hear of your loss. Although I have been widowed, everyone's experience is different. There's a different set of issues when the partner commits suicide, or at least, other than so-called "rational" suicide. A friend of mine lost his wife of 53 years the other day and that's not something I've experienced either. Still ... grief and loss is grief and loss, and what I can legitimately do is tell you that it does get less painful with time.

My late wife was actually a believer (rural Methodist, so not that liberal, either) and I deconverted during that marriage. It actually presented zero problem for us, in part because due to her illness we hadn't been active with church and our life didn't revolve around ideology. Her family was also quite devout, moreso than she, but they were genuinely kind, loving people, and I got along just fine with them. We eventually drifted apart, years after her death; they are old and in a nursing home now and I'm a thousand miles away and it is just awkward fostering a relationship online with people who barely know how to write emails.

The distinction from what you're describing is they never tried to be intrusive, they were always respectful. When that is the case, I don't give a fig what their personal beliefs are. But the unasked-for advice and online virtue-signaling on the one hand, is a different story. Technically I suppose I was closeted to my in-laws, as they were never really informed of my apostasy. But they were extremely perceptive people and I'm sure they were aware that at the very minimum I was having a crisis of faith. It was more of a "don't ask unless invited, don't tell unless you want to" situation. I have been exceedingly lucky that way, both her family and mine knew how to mind their own business and not intrude. Most fundamentalists do NOT understand this concept and can't seem to help but be disrespectful.

There's no obvious "right" answer for you. I am guessing based on their behavior that these folks don't want to know their daughter as you knew her, it would devastate them, probably to no good purpose. My late wife had some deviant ideas from her extended family's perspective; for example she wanted to be cremated and they were opposed to that. But even there, they deferred to her last wishes. I even offered to pay for a tombstone to receive part of her ashes, if they wanted that (they couldn't afford it themselves), but upon reflection, they decided to go with her wishes. They said she always "stretched" them and this was a final chance to honor that.

I guess what I'm going on about here is there seems little inclination to unconditionally respect your wife's journey in life so it probably won't end well. If you just want to blow it up to get them off your backs, you still have to consider how your wife would have handled it.

I wish you well with the decision, and peace about whatever comes of it.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I have many very religious family members. At a recent family funeral much restraint was called for because it was so evangelical. I was there for my brother. It was a funeral for his wife. Far beyond the fairly liberal Lutheran Church that I grew up in.
I think you should be honest with her to honor your wife. Truth is important. My two cents. Peace.

I am so dreadfully sorry for your loss. For everything, your Mother-in-law is reaching out in the only way she knows how. It must be difficult considering your wife's memory and who she was. I can only offer this advice, take her out for a meal and openly share your feelings in a safe place. Anchors and crutches are hard things to dispense with and maybe she won't be ready herself but maybe she can understand and honour your wife enough to stop. I cannot imagine how awful this for you but I am sending hugs xx

So long as she isn't insistent on your having the same coping mechanism and "splaining" you let her have her feels. It's when they start telling you how you should feel where the gloves come off in my world.

My sympathies on your terrible loss.