Dating site question (subtitle: Am I Just Too Olde?):
One of the 'red flags' I get when conversing with someone from a dating site is "dear" or "love" or some other endearment right off the bat.
Then I am reading a friends FB feed and she'd posted a comment about a work situation (positive) and the feed was full of "Love you", "I love you", etc... and I was rethinking my state of a 'red flag' for endearments.
Is it possible that the younger generation is getting it? A more 'endearing' society is a better society (my belief)?
OR am I correct in thinking that starting out a conversation with "how was your day dear?" is a warning sign?
Note: I KNOW some people talk like this so, it's not a full stop situation for me, just an indicator... that has me watching for more indicators before doing anything about it (which might be leading to self fulfilling prophecies).
2
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I see this as a big red flag too. In virtual and real life. A nurse I met for the first time when having surgery kept calling me honey and I knew she was fake. Turns out she was what I thought. Using words like love, honey, dear, are much too intimate with a person you don't even know. I feel like they're hiding something. It's not their true personality.
PinkPassion
Level 5
Feb 19, 2018
2
I don't have a problem with the use of the word "dear" in certain contexts, but definitely not on a dating site. A few men I'd just started corresponding with after one or two messages started calling me "dear" like we were already in a relationship, and it was a huge turn-off. When I kindly asked them to stop, some of them got very offended. Huge red flag for me.
bleurowz
Level 8
Feb 19, 2018
2
Reminds me, I have a friend at work, and she has met several men online (Zoosk, Tinder) who are calling her BABE within just several messages/days of chatting. That's where I would apply the emergency brakes and change tracks.
My 2c worth: I am a "pet name" kind of guy. With some, it takes a LONG time for me to come up with a pet name. With others it is almost immediate. In some, most really, cases this can be a statement of how comfortable I am with you. It isn't, necessarily, a come on. It can be their relaxed language. Granted, if that language would turn you off no matter what, then knowing right up front that they talk that way is good to know. Better early then far too late!
If you feel the need to add an 'e' to the word Old, you are just way too precious for my taste, lovey.
Spinliesel
Level 9
Feb 19, 2018
2
I love to play with language... so, I consciously chose that affectation for this moment, to make it more of a humorous addition than anything else.
I packed a LOT in to the original question. Part of it was have the youth of American become more like people from the other countries mentioned: just more openly affectionate (online or in language). Which is to say, am I too old such that it seems odd to me, but not to others.
What is wrong with being precious? I know of a ring that goes by that moniker and said ring is highly prized. 
I'm good with terms of endearment, but I specifically hate "dear." I usually only hear it when a moron is trying to assert authority in an argument.
Lysistrata
Level 7
Feb 19, 2018
1
People are actually starting a conversation with you? Cool. I haven't go that far yet.
GeorgeRocheleau
Level 8
Feb 19, 2018
2
That is a question that I keep rolling around in my headspace. The thought of companionship still interests me but after a certain age are we too established in who we are to ever be able to mesh with another. I suppose I’m thankful I like who I am and I’m comfortable with me, because I don’t know if anyone else ever will be.
Tony80223
Level 7
Feb 19, 2018
0
I think sometimes it's just a regional thing, not to downplay the awkwardness of it but I know in the southern parts of the U.S. it not uncommon to be addressed as Hon, Sweetie, Sweetheart, or Dear. I think it would just depend on the context. I have been guilty myself of addressing members of the opposite sex as sweetie..."excuse me sweetie but could you pass the napkins?" Although I've been told that some women don't really dig it, but I've never meant it so much as an endearment, more of a slang for Miss or Mam.
Jackolope74
Level 5
Feb 19, 2018
0
As you said in a comment further down, it really depends on context and culture. Here in New Zealand we have an almost dying old breed of nice ladies, that call everyone even a little younger than themselves "dear", and I don't mind them calling me that. On the other hand, some guy being more or less creepy ... no thanks. ( one of the worst lot of people I ever had anything to do with called me 'dear' a lot before they ripped me off real badly) I call my own grown children 'dear' and other people's younger children. My dog, all the time, and everybody else's dog ... funny how exuberant everyone is with compliments for each others dogs! And no one minds! Best icebreakers ever... nice dogs, not the aggressive sort.
ZebZaman
Level 6
Feb 19, 2018
3
"Whose a good dog? You're a good dog!". I'm teaching my friends about cats now that my dog is gone. lol
Also you're never too old. I have a G. Uncle who remarried near a 100 yo - and his wife was in her 80s so - yup never too old. And they were plenty happy!
RavenCT
Level 9
Feb 19, 2018
2
Wow!!!!! Good for them!
My oildest sister was so PO'd when my grandfather hooked up with a friend fairly soon after Grandma died.
Turns out that Grandpa and Grandma were friends with another couple. The guy in that couple died, then my grandmother passed and the final two... gravitated together.
My thought? Good for them! He as in his 80s at this point and was traveling and having a good time with this gal. At that age, man let them have fun! I was happy for both of them. My only thought was that Grandma was infirm for most of the time I knew her... so, you ponder how long this might've been going on!
I've known people who use endearments because they can't remember names. Just saying. (You'll find this in waitstaff a lot).
RavenCT
Level 9
Feb 19, 2018
4
Boy am I stating things poorly to night (and sober too!).
This was in the context of first starting to talk outside of the dating sites communications methods... and I should've said that in the original post.. now that a small slew of people have answered as originally stated, I'm not changing it... and most answers seem to be such t hat they got that (admittedly unsaid, but important) part.
Lol...that's when I use them, I'm really bad with faces and names and I don't want to come across as rude!
Oh, man, I heard of these three couples, friends since forever, doing this trip together. And then two of the couples, all four individuals, had somehow forgotten the other woman's first name. They secretly, ashamedly, asked one another, but none could remember. Then they waited for the husband to call her by name, and he just kept calling her honey and darling. Nothing to do but ... go through her handbag looking for the ID? Oh, dear!
I often call people dear, honey, sweetheart, babe, brother, etc as a regular part of my interaction, and nobody’s ever looked at me funny for it.
But I think it depends in part on the region you live in.
Axeman517
Level 4
Feb 19, 2018
3
Nooo, people taking like that are money scammers ! Run! Normal people don’t talk like that!
RushinroundWI
Level 5
Feb 19, 2018
2
That is quite an assumption about ALL or even most -- or even many -- people he talks to online.
If you have been to the south, or conversed with anybody in the south, or lived in the south, you will or did find your statement to not be applicable.
Though it is annoying, I've been out to a restaurant where I was called honey, dear, baby, sweetie, and love more times than I could count -- in one meal.
I use terms of endearment, but NOT to excess. Sometimes in jest. Mostly in a friendly way. And, with the people I care about, my terms of endearment might be a light-hearted "Hey darlin'," or it might be a more serious "I miss you."
If I were talking to a new friend online, I would be cautious with terms of endearment, but once I became comfortable, I might use them - depending on tons of variables.
All that said, there ARE many people who use terms of endearment FREELY without restriction, and they are not scammers.
Normal person here. I talk like that.
That’s possibly true. I guess I’m a cold blooded east coaster lol. Those terms are offensive to me, unless coming from elderly, than it’s all good! @BlueWave
That’s great! So you’d talk to strangers like that online? Hmmm. Ok . I get it if it’s to real friends in person but to strangers. I do not get it. To each each own. @Axeman517
I agree with your initial reaction. Any time I get a message from a stranger that refers to me with any endearment (“dear” “beautiful” etc) I don’t respond. It feels like a way of trying to force Intimacy or familiarity that is not appropriate.
A2Jennifer
Level 8
Feb 19, 2018
3
Enjoy being online again!
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