When raising children, is it OK to use corporal punishment (spankings)? Or should time-outs and other non-physical disciplines be utilized? Is spare the rod, spoil the child something that is true and effective? Do you know of any studies about the effects of raising children by using physical punishments? Wouldn't taking away privledges be more effective than assaulting children as a method of teaching them to become respectful adults?
Hitting your children teaches them that hitting is ok. No. It's never ok.
it's a cultural thing. Being of Indian background, and spending the first several years at a church school in Jamaica back in the 80s, hitting was pretty much the norm for punishments. Hell if you go to places in India you will still see hitting of children as means of punishment. The cities not so much...
The evidence is abundantly clear that hurting children is not only ineffective at teaching them how to behave, it has negative psychological consequences.
I always look at it this way: you would sound like a monster if you said "I prefer to hurt children to force them to conform to my will," but that's what proponents of spanking are actually advocating.
Punishment in general is a less effective form of discipline. Parents who raise their children with a mentality of being a guide to their children as they learn to handle the challenges of life will discover that punishment is rarely necessary to encourage children to make good decisions. When punishments are necessary, ironically the least painful punishments tend to produce the best results.
No, it teaches nothing other than fear and that the bully wins.
My two grew up fine without corporal punishment.
If you want passive, submissive, slaves for children, and eventually adults, then treat them like slaves and spank the hell out of them . . . . and they will pass it on to their progeny, and you will maintain that status quo for generations . . . . no wonder we have a nation of sheep who allow the plutocrats and military industrial complex to manipulate them at every turn, who allow them to bully other nations, who allow them to shit on the poor with lead in their water, no health care, expensive education, all the while funding racist Israel that does have all that. Some people say that children should not argue or sass their parents, and that is goddamn awful stupid . . . . One thing I have noticed in French society is that that seems to actually be acceptable behavior in children, and you don't see the French acting like slaves and taking all the shit from government lying down. Americans think they have everything so right, but most of is is just parochial, narrow-minded hillbilly-like stupidity.
The general consensus today is no to corporal punishment. I understand that. 'Violence breeds violence' (it doesn't). I was beaten by grandparents, teachers etc. I spanked my kids to warn them of danger until they had the cognitive ability to understand it. After that it was grounding n emotional blackmail ( we are so disappointed in you). Years later our youngest said ' remember when you used to smack me?'. It broke my heart. Obviously memories last long. Parents make great grandparents ?
I grew up with a horrible father, he used ropes, green tree branches, and I can tell you from first hand experience, do not do it . . . . it is destructive, and there are many, many examples of people and cultures who do not do it, and their kids turned out fine. If anything else . . . . remember this . . . . they will remember, and you will pay for it. If you would like to see how he "paid for it" . . . . [sites.google.com] DO NOT FUCKING DO IT.
start as you mean to go on. a small smack when there young and meaning what you say goes a long way.
If you reach the point where you are resorting to corporal punishment to discupline your child, then you need to punish yourself as well because you have catastrophically failed as a parent to effectively communicate your instructions.
Oh.... and if you're raising a hand to someone who is a quarter of your size, you're also a coward.
Violence is violence is violence. Why would it be ok to hit, slap, smack a child who has no control to defend himself but hitting or smacking an adult is assault? Why can't we beat on adults who piss us off to teach them a lesson? I wish I could sometimes, but that is violence.
Ok, this is a subject close too my heart, i was not raised with any form of punishment only encouragement and so i raised my daughter (on my own) using the same principles, I never told my daughter off or took things or privileges away from her and i came to realize that our entire education system is based on fear instead of encouragement, my daughter has been an angel and never once given me cause for concern, she refused to accept any form of punishment or detention from her school with my complete backing, forgetting a pencil does not deserve a punishment in my eyes and is not how it works in the workplace, we have a beautiful close relationship and open and honest, and because I tend to joke a lot we created a game we call "truth" not really a game but we use it when we are not sure if the other one is joking , the only rule is that we have to tell the truth regardless of the consequences and she has always known that to break the one rule would lose that complete trust we have between us, she is 19 now and we still say "truth" to each other when we are not sure, she has told me that she will continue this when she has children of her own and raise her children the same way, because life is too short to not enjoy every second you have with your children, I was also in the fortunate position to be able to spend many many hours talking and discussing life with her giving her all of the advice that i have learned, she knows how proud I am of her and never disappoints me, they grow up so fast and all I have is beautiful memories of her childhood, she also looks back and tells me what a great childhood she has had, yes she was spoiled but only because she deserved it, i always rewarded her good behaviour.
The only times I have ever smacked hands or spanked have been when I have lost it. I’m opposed spanking more than hand-smacking but I see them both as unhealthy and unnecessary acts of violence, They certainly don’t improve behavior and the damage they cause long term makes it ludicrous to suggest they are acceptable forms of discipline.
Lets see......if someone doesn't do, or does do, something you don't like.....you hit them......right????
I have found it is better not to punish at all, my kids are better behaved when I stopped punishing them.
I took the course on parenting from Dr. Laura Markham Aha Parenting and it really made a difference. Who knew that when you stop punishing they behave better. My kids behave now because they want to please.
Yes, over the years there has been much debate over how to raise kids. When I was young dad used a belt, we never sassed,,back now days you would have the social services on your back. There were never any school shootings. What is the nature of man??
I resorted to just a swat once each with each of my children.
My daughter the eldest slipped the door after a bath in a thunderstorm.
As in lightning striking three trees within 100 yards.
Oh and it was after bath so she was naked and elusive as a feral chicken and laughing all the time.
And yes I did give her a swat.
She never pulled that trick again with me, but she is a half tick above thirty now and still loves thunderstorms and I can see her running naked in one.
My son snatched out of my hand and ran toward traffic. Busy. Four lanes.
I caught him at the curb.
A good public backyard hanging works wonders in getting the remainder to tow the line.
So delicate a subject.. I was full-time at-home dad. I well remember both (daughters) being uncooperative on the changing table, to the point of dangerous. It felt so natural to snap those little bottoms, the looks they gave (2 years apart) said it all. They understood there were limits in life.
We had ‘strategically placed’ paint stir sticks around the house and vehicles. Even with diapers on, just the snap of a stick against them caused ‘that look!’ Warnings were of course given, but no ‘threat’ was idle.. And they knew it. It was work! ..following through on necessary punishment ... when it would have been far easier to ignore it..
Such ‘spankings’ became so rare, and were only necessary for a few early years, they never needed, or got them again. It is critical to not only establish limits, and enforce them - but to cause your children to learn how to limit themselves. Their self-control to this day is perhaps their strongest trait.
But, it wasn’t easy. And both parents need to be on the same page...
The downsides I see, are children raised away from their parents (day care/ preschool). The rules are so different, and would so confuse the child ..especially if the only physical punishment came from ‘their parents.’ Also, those not acting when necessary, but allowing a situation to ‘drive them nuts,’ then tearing into the child.
There’s an art to discipline, requiring effort & consistency. To me, it was an act of love.