And the lord said unto John, "Come forth and you will receive eternal life". John came fifth and won a toaster.
Yea, and it came to pass that it was a fine toaster. And the toaster did please him such that he did maketh breakfast that made the people of the village raise their voices unto the Lord and shout 'One with a timer would have been better!'
(The book of George chapter 2 verses 3-5)