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Dating, Curving or Ghosting, fair or unfair?

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Cecilia2018 7 Jan 30
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8 comments

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0

There are so many new terms. Curving, ghosting, breadcrumbing.... I remember the old adage - "All's fair in love and war." Does that make it it right? NO! War is never right - but is love? Things are what they are and we have to accept them - that is what is meant by "fair". A gambler rolls the dice and sometimes he wins, sometimes he loses. The odds are the same. Fair doesn't mean any sort of equilibrium other than the fact that it happens to each of us from both standpoints. It just happens.

2

No guarantees of fairness in life, nor do I expect there to be. Especially when it comes to people I don't know, or can't see.

But these sort of things may happen to anyone in any online communications. I consider it lucky when they do , as it lets me know upfront that the person is not the sort I wish to get involved with.
Screw 'em.
Well ... no ... wait... DON'T screw 'em !

0

"All's fair" but it's not nice. I prefer blunt honesty. It's good to be aware of conscious "curving" and be able to tell the difference between that and just indecision. Personally I'd never heard the term, before now, but now that I have it's one more thing to conscious about, but more importantly be sure that if I avoid and answer because of indecision, I will be sure to articulate my reason for sidestepping any commitment at that time.

As for ghosting, I was a victim of that several years ago and didn't know there was a name for it, but it hurt like hell. Not nice - especially if it was a conscious choice to do it. Communication is key - withholding communication is cruel. Wouldn't hurt if there were no feelings. Ghosting when there are feelings on both sides is akin to abuse, in my opinion, from my experience.

1

Not sure what the terms mean in this new day. They sure do not mean what I thought they meant before!!!

3

A person who can clearly communicate their boundaries is much more respectable than the person who shuts the door in your face with no explanation. We all deflect, another name for curving. If we proceed to ignore a deflection, the question then becomes, "Who is being unfair to whom?" I would suggest it is the ignorer who is being unfair to themselves by not better finding out the reason for the deflection if they want to proceed with the relationship.

I agree with you and I admire your wisdom

3

If I don’t get the answer I want I consider that a “no”. No judgement about style of delivery. Their reasons are their business.

skado Level 9 Jan 30, 2019
2

Dating, dating and dating

It sucks!

@BeeHappy c'mon, there is a great opportunity somewhere waiting to be discovered ?

@IamNobody They must think it's a game of hide n seek! Lol ?

3

People can "curve" or "ghost" all they want. If they want to be an inconsiderate asshole, then that's their choice.

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