Working Monday - Sunday grinding in my profession: barely livable slave labor. Writing this on an overcrowded bus headed to the Bronx; I notice several people staring at me (I have the whitest complexion on this bus).
Did I ever think growing up I’d be in this position...probably not. Last year I was in college with high future aspirations... now I’m eating frozen vegetables & rice trying to save every penny. I work multiple jobs and I still barely make the rent. Simply put, I’m unhappy.
Growing up somewhat middle class on the west coast, I’ve experienced both sides of the spectrum, rich & poor. I was sheltered in the moutains for most of my life; nothing would have prepared me for the city that never sleeps. I’ve seen poverty & people suffering in cities, but the insanity here blows my mind everyday.
People here have an insane disconnect from nature, everyone looks stressed and sick. They are all busting their butts trying to keep their head & their family’s above water.
Had a homeless dude enter my train on the subway yesterday. He had no shoes (in the winter time mind you) and it looked like there was multiple tumors coming out of his face. The way he spoke everything was slurred...maybe from too much N Bomb...
“Does anyone have a heart?!”
Nobody even made eye contact.
He was in a state of desperation for food, yelling and approaching people. I don’t personally carry change as I found myself giving out too much to the homeless I didn’t have.
He approached me as I was the only one who braved eye contact.
“You sir are the only one who’s made eye contact. Do you have a fucking heart? I’m fucking starving!”
I couldn’t come up with the right words. I couldn’t come up with any words. Looking into his eyes felt like he was gazing into my soul. I feel horrible now not saying anything, but then again this only one of at least fifteen homeless encounters I experience daily.
Welcome to 2019. The climate temperatures and water rises, the population rises, poverty rises, disease rises. Deathworld is the harsh reality for future generations, our kids and grandchildren will suffer unless something changes.
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I hope you find your way out. Many won’t be so lucky for lots of reasons.
I wish lawmakers spent more time amongst the people to gain the insight to what everyone in their own community’s face.
Green_eyes
Level 8
Feb 3, 2019
1
My son and I were just discussing the social decay that we are witnessing and the evidence that we won't do anything to stop it. I asked if one should even consider having a kid or two anymore. He said yes, and you raise them with the values to survive and rebuild something better after it all collapses. He was NOT kidding. THIS is what we are handing off and our youth knows it.
Zster
Level 8
Feb 3, 2019
2
You are rich, your insight confirms it. You remind me of my daughters.. Having grown up isolated in the deep woods of Oregon. Now, experiencing the ugly world I’d sheltered them from...
We’d arrive in my hometown to visit relatives, where they’d question spotting the equivalent of what you’ve described. I’d bike them around ‘the old neighborhood,’ or we’d ride through the guts of town on our mass transit to ..learn how to navigate the city. Our encounters were similar.. Bible pushers with bullhorns included!
Having lost paradise, I recently spent time in DC, on foot, using it’s Metro to explore.. Wanting to experience everything, I’d often be of the lightest shade on ‘the car.’ Rarely afraid ..if in a state of apparent I-don’t-give-a-damn… I survived.
Lack of eye contact eventually struck me as everyone’s way of ‘giving you your privacy,’ actually a sign of respect. Consider that, it helped. The physical condition and assumed miserable routines frightened me, though.. Seemed I’d experienced both, but might rather be dead than limited like that.
You dig through! Learn -- by the way you write, be there - for your book. Watch your back, and secretly plan your escape…
Varn
Level 8
Feb 3, 2019
1
Never thought of the eye contact thing that way. Appreciate your insight!
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