This is a really good post and something I've been grappling with for quite some time. When I was younger, I had a really poor self-image and other issues, and a relationship was something I needed to fill up an empty space -- I've only been able to understand this in hindsight, that at the time I was very confused and vulnerable and would follow any whims. Got me into a couple of experiences that were painful, and as a result I wound up going in the complete opposite direction and shut down.

I decided to take the opportunity to work on myself, though as I got better I was still holding the view that relationships were painful and messy at best and not worth it, and even though I dabbled in dating, it never really went far... It wasn't until a few years ago that I got the stark wake-up call that this attitude about relationships had to do with ME -- not that relationships weren't worth it, but that I didn't feel that I was worthy of one. It was devastating to wake up to this realization.

I know I've still got some work to do, but I also feel, who doesn't? And I feel very worthy of being in a relationship... That being said, the way to go about finding someone is so alien to me... I know it requires putting yourself out there and seeing who you connect with, while at the same time not compromising who you are and living your life, that the best people come along when you're engaged in your life and enjoying what you do -- or more likely, that you're better able to weed out the good from the bad.

At any rate, I feel like I'm getting better every day with facing the mystery, and better able to deal with any heartbreak that may come my way... And that's a big plus for me, because even a few years ago heartbreak would still shut me down, and now I feel like it's not going to stop me anymore... Whether or not I find a relationship, I know I'm on a good path.

I think I would just like some company. I doubt I'll ever be in a serious relationship again. Since my husband died I seem to be stuck in some kind of limbo.

Yes, looking for an intimate relationship with a special person. but they are difficult. On the other hand, my expectation of finding someone is low.

neither. i live with my guy and we love each other. i spent most of my life unattached, though, because i was never looking for a "someone." i wanted one, but i wasn't going to decide that because i wanted one, any old one would do. so i didn't have a lot of lovers in my life -- a lot fewer (and farther between) than most people i know. guess what? i actually had other things to do and think about and didn't feel i wasn't a person unless i had some guy, ANY guy.

g

I'm not doing anything to attract intimacy. Other people seem to think I should have someone special in my life but I'm not so sure. I have a full life with family friends and work and hobbies and interest groups. If I found someone he'd have to slot into the fringes somewhere.