A man dies and goes to Heaven. St. Peter welcomes him in, and starts giving him the grand tour of the place...

"Over there are the Pentecostals, over there are the Lutherans, and there the Seventh Day Adventists, across the way there next to the river we keep the Baptists and the Methodists, they like to have picnics together... Over there are the Jews, and we keep the Muslims on the opposite side.... At the end of the wall here there are the Mormons..."

The man looks up at this great tall wall they are standing next to. "What's on the other side of this wall?" St. Peter responds, "Shhhh. That's where we keep the Catholics, but they like to think they are the only ones here."

a lawyer ,a preist and a social worker get on a plane with 10 children. The plane experiences engine failure and the captain tells them there are only 3 spare parachutes. The social worker cries " what about the kids " the lawyer says" f--- the kids" and the priest says" but do we have time?"