Some people are only happy when they have something to complain about.
I have a friend from high school and we stay in touch via Facebook. She's a negative personality and is constantly posting about how people only contact her when they want something, that people are fake and she'd rather stay home with her dogs.
Then she complains that no one asks her to social events or for a date. Every year I send her a hand made Valentine's day card. Many years I send her cards for Xmas and Halloween. She never sent me anything and she never acknowledges anything from me. I am sure I have her correct address.
This year, days before Valentine's, she was already complaining on Facebook that she isn't going to receive anything. I sent her a card. Of course she hasn't acknowledged it.
I'm not looking for thanks from her, but I am wondering if it would actually make her happier if I did ignore her. Then she could have a legitimate pity party of the forgotten. Of course others might also be sending her things and she's lying about that too.
What makes a negative person happiest? Actually being ignored, or being remembered but bitching about how much their friends suck anyway?
I know she has a number of caring friends besides me and can't imagine all of them ignore her.
0
Enjoy being online again!
Welcome to the community of good people who base their values on evidence and appreciate civil discourse - the social network you will enjoy.Create your free account
4 comments
Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.Being ignored . My mother was a great example for 18 years until I left.
Marine
Level 8
Feb 15, 2019
0
@KissedbySun Thanks
I’d like to offer a different perspective on this, as it feels like you could be describing me in your post. I am home with my dogs right now.
I struggle with socializing, something that was never an issue for me when I was younger. I have lost touch with many friends and family over the years and would like the connections back, but can’t seem to reach out. Mine stems from a deepening depression and anxiety and it would be fabulous if someone, anyone, could see past my self-imposed isolation to the real need, almost desperation for human interaction.
Maybe your friend is complaining as a way of crying out for help, needing more than she convey. She might need some therapy or group activities to help her. She sounds like she really needs a hug and a friend. Don’t ignore her. Maybe a phone call where she could actually let it out would be meaningful to her.
I know I’m hard to deal with when I get really low. And I have a friend that sends cards a couple times a year. Even if I don’t respond or acknowledge it online, I value, so dearly, those attempts to connect to me.
Good luck.
Tinocca
Level 7
Feb 15, 2019
1
@KissedbySun you say you are getting mixed messages. She probably feels just as conflicted. Speaking just from my own experience, I am grateful when others reach out, but something holds me back from reciprocating or even thanking them. Opening up is risky and for someone barely keeping it together, it is opening a door to emotions I'm not ready to confront. I feel awful that I don't reach out to others and be supportive of their lives and issues. But my cup is almost empty and you can't pour from an empty cup.
@KissedbySun anger is a more empowering emotion. Sadness, fear make us feel weak and vulnerable. Many people use anger and ranting to feel more in control when they are actually feeling life is out of their control. It kills me to know my actions may have an effect on others like you are experiencing, but I also feel incapable of responding any other way. It’s a daily struggle. It may be too late for me. I have no one reaching out to me asking me to hang out. I’ve chased them all away, I fear.
@KissedbySun thank you for the conversation. As I said, it means a lot.
I wonder what's in it for you? is it a challenge?
Lillyfield41
Level 7
Feb 15, 2019
0
@KissedbySun makes sense. 
I do understand this. I'm not a complainer by nature but I am an observer. In my world there is little money for cards, presents, or things sent to others just out of the blue. Example is that Valentine's Day is over and I only sent one Online picture of a box of candy. That was it! No real cards to or from anyone. My best of situations on this would be that I had sent a real box of candy to that other person. Otherwise, I am happy with things just as they are.
You can have fun in your life and do many things but I am not one to be making merchants happy and fall for their ideas hook, line, and sinker.
DenoPenno
Level 9
Feb 15, 2019
0
Enjoy being online again!
Welcome to the community of good people who base their values on evidence and appreciate civil discourse - the social network you will enjoy.Create your free account
Share this post
Categories
Agnostic does not evaluate or guarantee the accuracy of any content. Read full disclaimer.