Thinking about it... what I know of life on earth... nobody ever came back complaining after being dead... so maybe, just maybe... Death is Where is at that better place!!!!

When my younger brother died, that is exactly people were saying, " he's in a better place" It happened almost 30 years ago, when he was just 20 y.o. He was fucking murdered, to this day, it still fucking pisses me off

My companion of almost 14 years died last year, I was her primary care taker for the whole entirety of her illness, about 14 months... She & I were very close, & her illness was a long, painful, drawn out ordeal that I had to witness day in, day out, and there was nothing I could do but watch her slowly but surely fade away to a mere shadow of what she had been....all the while trying to keep a stiff upper lip & act like everything was gonna be just fine when I knew in my heart it wasn't true... I was saying goodbye, & I knew it... it was the first time that someone that close to me passed away since I was very young.... While I understand people try their best to provide you with some sort of comfort during your ordeal, the statements were downright unreal... jesus/god needed her more than you did ??? She is in a better place ??? My favorite, "Go to your happy place".... That one made me want to vomit, not exaggeration, at that moment my happy place would have been to punch him in the nose....I was thankful her suffering had come to an end, but I really hate listening to people parrot the usual bullshit lines in way of condolence..."Sorry for your loss" is about as kind as you can do....

I think it started for people born in North Dakota.

it seems lame to me believer or not

Yes, of course it helps to be told that....if one is religious or otherwise believes in something after death. That is, after all, one of the main precepts of most religions. It may be fantasy, but it can, as you said, give a great deal of comfort.

I do believe Marx was right: Religion is the opiate of the people. It somehow reassures them that today's suffering is for a reason.

My dad of cancer. He's buried in Central Texas and I consider that a much better place than lying in his bed, being eaten alive.

I think, I'm sorry for you loss is all you can honestly say. People want to get it out (or I did.) Just let them spew and dont' judge.

Yeah. They find comfort in believing that they'll meet their departed loved-ones again (in heaven) or that their departed loved-ones is still happy and not rotting in the dirt.

And to be honest, it would be cruel of me if I took that comfort away.

I stay away from religious discussions with people who are at that stage of their belief. Anything I would say to contradict their belief would be an "attack" on their loved-one.

I think it's better to teach them when they are young that dying in the dirt, getting the earth to re-process your body into energy to give new life, is just as beautiful. I paraphrased Neil deGrasse Tyson's view of death and burial in that last sentence, by the way.

The "better place" for my child to be is RIGHT HERE WITH ME!
Nothing can really allay the monstrous grief of losing a child or someone intimately close to you.

When my brother-in-law was killed, a friend of mine gave me a book called, "It's Okay that You're not Okay." It was a book on grieving and the realities of loss. It talked to those facing grief and explained in great detail that it was okay to grieve as they needed too, and gave advice to others who wanted to help.

First of all, the idea that we CAN comfort someone is a myth. We can be there, love them, be a safe space for them to grieve, give them the freedom to speak as they need to, but we're not going to "comfort" them. They're hurting, and it's not for us to take that pain away. We're like a cast on a broken leg. We offer support, the bone must heal itself.

But the most important part is that "being in a better place" doesn't help anyone. When tragedy strikes, most people will say to us, “I can’t imagine what you must be going through.” In truth, though, they can, and that terrifies them. This is why it’s so important for them to “comfort us.” Otherwise they have to live with the realities that this could just as easily have been them... and that it could still happen. Life is not permanent.

One of the emotions most grieving friends and relatives struggle with is anger... toward that very entity that could have stopped it in the first place. The problem is, they’re too afraid to voice that anger out of fear they will... again... have to face the idea that their God is capricious and doesn’t seem to care who you are or how good you are.

When I was a young boy, my brother died, and to this day my mom still cries when she thinks about it. And she’s a Christian who believes she’ll see him again someday. But she still misses him, and the sense of loss is still present.

The one overarching reality is that they are gone from us, and we miss them, and we weren’t ready to say goodbye. But that’s not going to change, and our mind have the ability to cope with grief and loss while at the same time learning to find joy in new ways that don’t involved our loved ones. And it happens together. Not every corner needs the bright light of encouragement and we don’t need to encourage others to have gratitude for things that still exist. Good things and horrible things occupy the same space: they don’t cancel each other out.

[amazon.com]

Yes I think it does for sure

I've often wondered how "dead" could be " a better place". I never say it.

I lost my father and two brothers in a very short period of time, so I heard that comment a lot. And EVERY time I heard it, I want to punch the person who said it. I have also heard the "Well, at least he's not in anymore pain" and "Now he's receiving his rewards in heaven" (why do people assume everyone goes to heaven?)

Just tell me "I'm sorry for your loss" and leave it there.

After my papa died, I realized the allure of religion. I truly want to believe he's in abetter place, surrounded by his friends and family and happy. It would be better to believe I'd someday see him again and all of my loved ones rather than they're just gone.

During my uncle's funeral that was the most annoying thing I kept hearing over and over again. I hope people don't say that about me when I pass. I actually like this place here and now.

Change may help ....

It bothers me too but i do think that devout belivers find it comforting. Though, as a parent, i can't imagine anything that could make losing a child easier.