Still one of the best of dogs' talking:
Believe it or not, back in the early '70s, there was a Canadian standup comic who claimed to own a talking dog, named 'Ralph'. When he asked the dog's name, the dog replied "rowf!". When the dog was asked what the top of a house was called, it replied"roof!". And when asked what the opposite of smooth was, the dog said "ruff!'.