Anyone out there dealt with narcissistic abuse? I am right now and it is pissing me off. My flatmate (was a friend, never anything else) is trying very hard to make my life a living hell, achieving some success. I really hate that I have to deal with this bullshit. Anyone else have a narcissist in their life?
2
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Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.Hi. Sorry to hear of your troubles. I'd go along with some of the previous advice; specifically, going to stay with friends/relatives for as long as you can. He won't be able to take a significant period alone.
One thing; before you go, take pictures/video of the entire flat. Would be useful if you could have someone else with you as a 'witness'.
Hope this is useful.
Bump
Level 4
Nov 8, 2019
0
Hi KMac. I'm new here so just browsing when I came across your post. All I can say is I hope you are okay and life is getting better. There are some real assholes in the world and it seems you found one, he obviously thought moving into a flat with you meant more than it has/does, delusional prick.
MikeonaRock
Level 1
Oct 20, 2019
1
Used to. Not anymore. The best thing you can do is go LC (low contact) or NC (no contact). Until you can separate from the person, you should try the grey rock technique which is specifically designed to deal with narcs. Here ate two articles explaining it: [themindsjournal.com]
Hope this helps you. 
demifeministgal
Level 8
Mar 27, 2019
2
KMac:
thanks again. I've gone 'grey rock' since 28 February. The contact is low or none at all. I can't stand to see his face or hear his voice without trembling with fight or flight response. Thank you for the articles.
The narcisist is my flatmate and we have 3 months left on the tenancy and then, as far as I am aware, he's leaving. I love the flat and I was the one who did everything get us both moved in there and he treats me like I'm his 'staff'. I have no move now and I had take out a loan get the move in. I am now going counselling due the stress and abuse I am suffering by living with this 'person' for the past 9 months. I am about 99.9% certain that he told our estate agent last week, on Monday, that I was smoking in the flat, which is untrue (actually he's done that a few times himself but I'm not the kind of person to tell) and then last Friday evening, he rang the police to complain that I was speaking to him in a way that he didn't like. He also made up a few lies about me and told them to the police officers. He's frankly looking for ANY reason to mess me up. So, in one week, he's tried to get me evicted and arrested. For what? We had a verbal argument and falling out about a month ago where I told him that I think he's a narcissist! Ha! He was gloating last night about ringing the police on me. He was speaking directly outside my bedroom door so that I would hear him talk about how "funny it was" and that he will "gladly ring the cops again every day of the week" if I do or say anything that he doesn't like. However, this is not a funny situation to me and I'm starting to become very unwell mentally. I have tried the 'grey rock' method for a month now to where I am living in my small bedroom and not speaking to him so to avoid him. I have a lot of pressures in my life (trying to finish my PhD, financial issues, stressful job, not much of a support network, etc). He is aware of this and I can imagine he is enjoying seeing me so upset and unwell. Narcissists love it when the person they are taking revenge on starts to fall apart. I can move out but this will financially ruin me. I have seen lots of people say to just get out of any relationship with a narcisist so I am very aware that I will probably have to move out. I'm looking at either a) toughing it out for 3 more months of abuse and lies, or b) leaving with financial ruin. Any advice?
KMac
Level 3
Mar 25, 2019
0
Do you have any friends or family members you can take a loan from? Or perhaps any credit cards that you could use to stay in a motel for some time? What I would do is stay out of the house as long as possible only to come back when she was going to sleep and then live my life at night heh. I would also use weekends to get out of the house and stay at friends' as often as possible, even spending the night. Please do not be afraid or ashamed to reach out to family or friends or peers in your program at this time for help. You do not have to tell them why, just make plans with people as often as possible and stay away from him as much as you can. If he does not have access to you, he cannot hurt you, unless he is stalking you too? If you absolutely cannot do that, then block him out. Listen to loud music or tv shows on your device any time you hear him start a phone convo.
KMac:
@demifeministgal thanks for your advice. I have a couple friends but there's not much spare room. I pretty much live in my small bedroom when he's around so I don't have to interact with him. We are just flatmates (nothing more) and he was a good friend until we moved in to the flat and then his true self came out. I have 3 more months - exactly 100 days from today - until our tenancy is up. He said he is moving out but I wouldn't be surprised if he stays just to upset me. I want to stay for another year in the flat but if he stays, I will move out. 100 days is a very long time to live in a small room in an abusive home. xxx
@KMac That is why I told you to stay out as long as you can to avoid him. Are you frightened to come and go into the flat as you please? Are you frightened about staying at your school library or research facility once it gets dark? Perhaps these are variables specific to you I am not factoring in. Especially if you have a bit of social anxiety or agorophobia.
Record him for the police. That should do some good.
If you have a cell phone there should be a record feature. When he goes on the brag after the next call - you've got him.
In fact I'd record him every time he speaks to you.
I've known other folks in narcissistic situations who had to.
I do agree with what others have said though - if it's truly messing with your mental health - it might be time to get out - even with financial ruin. Narcissists are terrible folk to be around.
If you need resource numbers I can find them for you. I imagine your therapist can too.
But here are some help lines there: [getselfhelp.co.uk]
Enjoy being online again!
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