Confronting The Current Dating World At 60 Years Of Age

Raised in a family of fundamental religious conservative capitalists, I spent a lot of my after school time alone, where I learned to write as a vehicle for reasoning, synthethizing ideas, and evaluating the consistency and logic of the rules and dogma I encountered. I've gone through a lot of transitions to become brave enough to live as an anti-theist free thinker, but that's not all... I'm also a democratic socialist, secular humanist, futurist, and an idealist. I tolerate and cooperate in our society, but I don't think much of what we have amounted to as humans, considering how long we have existed on this planet. We show deep, serious trails of repeated violent regressions in our history, that still seriously threaten our future development for the sake of elitism and greed in our controlling bodies, which are primarily economic, not governmental.

Most of our systems are purposely over-complicated because corruptions are more easily hidden in the midst of confusion. I have hopes for humanity, but little expectation. Religion perpetuates irreparable convolutions in the primary thought processes of common people, toward a relatively easy acceptance of minimalism, suffering, and self-sacrifice, but the very rich don't do it - I fully expect most of humanity is heading for another run of the dark ages in the next few generations... probably for the 12th to 15th time.

I have very mixed feelings about trying to date anyone around here, yet I remain open to it, with a healthy ambivalence.

Ambivalence is having simultaneous and contradictory attitudes or feelings toward an object, person, or activity. I believe attraction and dedication, much like trust and beliefs, should be balanced with an eye on reality and a bit of caution and avoidance, in "healthy" amounts.

When we attempt to describe ourselves to others, we think in terms of our ideals. Alone, I seek to find my reasonable, sustainable, truest self. By doing this, I simplify my life, and I find the best, fairest version of myself to present to you, and to myself.

As developing, always-learning human beings, our activities, interests, and goals change over time. Also, different people we interact with draw out different qualities from our total character. Are you aware that the ideas we hold in our own heads about who we really are do not exist anywhere else in the world? No one else we know sees us the same way we do. In fact, everyone we know has a different, fractional view of who we are. This may sound very strange at first, but it is absolutely true.

I spend a lot of time reading the profiles of females on dating websites. As a result of this, I have developed several general perspectives on those females:

As a potential suitor, I cannot make any of you happy. I cannot possibly give you everything you want. Certainly not all the time. Occasionally, perhaps. Frequently? Probably not.

A lot of you want someone to make you laugh – I think you need to date a stand-up comic.

Many of you want “no drama”. I fail to comprehend this - life IS drama. I can only assume you wish to minimize life somehow... at least the unattractive parts. Okay. People have stuff though. Sometimes, we mainly need a good warm hug. It'll be alright... I won't reject you, and self-hugging is okay.

Many of you want to travel, be care-free, and have a partner to do all that with you, everywhere you want to go (drama free?) - good luck with that.

A lot of you seem to feel compelled to say you are NOT looking for a hookup. I wonder what does this really mean about you in the long run? I think you probably never, ever masturbate.

I can say to you honestly that I do not want any kind of cheap, shallow, primarily sexual relationship. On the contrary - I want someone who is very compatible, easily conversant, and very deeply emotionally open and connective with me, and contact plays a natural role in those developments.

I want to be with a woman who loves to fall in love. I want to fall in love... it's not a fake thing - it's a very emotionally open and sharing thing. But, what bothers me is it's also something that is possible for only one person in a relationship to feel, release into, and build and amplify upon.

Some of you are truly cold hearted and you don't allow yourself feel deep emotional love. This is what I fear... that you will use my love to manipulate me and take the things you do want from me, while you feel nothing deep for me. And since I am aware of this, I must KNOW that you emotionally FEEL deep connection and love with me. Otherwise, our relationship will be strange… instead of us loving EACH OTHER... you might just love your IDEAL of the person you invision me to be, but later on, you will just objectively change your mind and dump me, because you do not really FEEL any invested emotional love for me. Or, you might notice how deeply I FEEL about you, and then decide that you do love HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU... but you still don't really love me, because you keep your emotions closed tight, focusing on your truer objectives (whatever you can access from or through me), and you never really open yourself to allow any feelings to carry you away into deep, emotionally invested love.

Why would you do this? Because you fear the vulnerability of falling in love, and your passions have you more concerned with taking care of only yourself. You base your own security only in your independence and self-sufficiency, because you don't really trust in the value or the strength of deep emotional love. So you just use men like me to build your own personal security and independence, then dump us with whatever conflict you can create at the time.

My life isn't impressive. I am just looking for someone to share the best parts (loving, sheltering each other, giving/feeling tenderness, talking/sharing through our deepening understandings of ourselves) in the life I have now. This life will change, of course… it always does, but those changes needn't change the reasons and functions for our relationship, unless it is chiefly superficial. Based on past experience, I’ll have no idea what effects changes may actually have upon us… My problem is, I don't know how open you are emotionally, how honest you are about your fears, motivations, and security, and I don't really know if you will tell me whole truth about any of it. And, I don't really know if you are capable and fully immersive in the way that you FEEL love… or IF you even do.

Romance doesn't just happen between special, gifted lovers... the rich... the perfect... the beautiful. It happens between good friends and functioning families... openly emotional people. It takes a LOT of interactive mistakes, do-overs, and growth - Nobody seems to know how to do that anymore. We all simply cut off and throw people away, myself included... but I question this now. What is the point, if not peace... what is the way if not compromise.

So tell me, what are YOU really about?

Comments, questions, confusions?