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Just curious in what you think of this vague short story.

"It was him, yep it was him!" Shouted the women standing in the street. Dismay had over come her face, the drowsy hazel eyes, brown hair, as he would say a month before "Her perky nose." "Shut up!" shouted an occupant of a nearby apartment. The words shooting through the brisk night air from a third story window, straight towards the women standing in the street. "It was him, he was the one!", another insult from a pedestrian​. "I love you!" She proclaimed​ to the sky. Just as she said to him a half month before he left. On that bright sunny day, keys in hand as he walked away towards a blue car. "Come back please!" she pleaded. The smile on his face, the warmth of his touch, just memories forming her sleep deprived mind. "Hey how are you honey!?" she cries out. "Shut up, please!", shouted the third story occupant. Who was again for the 5th time pulling on his window to shut for the peace he so desired, sleep. While wondering for the 10th time, of why he moved here. The first time a year ago with the kids who held parties in the suites above at night, the 8th when the window would not close. "Why are you just standing there!, how are you honey!?" Tears streaming down her face again, "Answer, please.". His brown hair neatly trimmed, those blue eyes that held hers many times, the over sized nose. Just as she was about to reach him, reality hit, a fender, smashed her legs and then some. As she woke, to a new image of two red lets, couple feet apart speeding away. The third story occupant and soon to be lover rushing down the stairs. As she gazed on through the darkness, she could have sworn the car was painted blue.

Thanks.

TCorCM 7 Apr 20
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2 comments

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0

Wow! Sounds like the beginning of a REALLY interesting story! It could use some editing though--mostly sentence structure etc. Your descriptiveness is great--I could almost picture myself there.

Carin Level 8 Apr 20, 2019
0

It's fine but you have to write it so it is not so jumbled. Spaces are needed.

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