I wanted to share my story for those that are interested. I was diagnosed with bipolar around 20 years ago. I have suffered with anxiety and depression all of my life. I even passed it along to my son. Who at ten, has already had a psychiatric stay at the hospital for suicidal ideation.
Saturday night I smoked a lot of really good weed. I went to bed with the realization that I have sabotaged every relationship I have ever been in. Including my current ones. I woke and came to the second realization that it was because I had abandonment issues since my father left when I was 6 months old.
I now consider May 5th the day I started living. I finally realized it wasn't my fault! It was like the world had been lifted off my shoulders. Later that night, after crying happy tears all day, I was in bed. I started to feel my chest warming in a circle the size if a frizby. For the next 5 minutes I layed there paralyzed while i felt negative energy being sucked out of my body. It was finally over! 43 years of hating myself and wanted to die for something I didnt do. I finally realized everything was going to be alright. Yes " 3 Little Birds" is now my favorite song. I have never had better relationships in my life. Especially with my son. I feel like he actually looks up to me and wants to spend time with me.
I have never been able to look my self in the eye in the mirror before. I hated my self to much. Everyday I get up now and look my self in the mirror and say to myself that I am worthy!