"the Lifestyle", polyamory, hedonism, promiscuity: distinctions?
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sassygirl3869
Level 9
Mar 13, 2018
1
I dunno... what makes a post a "discussion group"? Maybe I'm doing it wrong 
Polyamory isn't always about sex. For me, it's about the freedom to have multiple close relationships with members of the opposite sex.
In monogamy, often you can't even develop close emotional ties outside your relationship without being accused of having an emotional affair. You can be accused of actual cheating even if all you did was hang out with someone of the opposite sex.
That is stupid. No one person can meet all your emotional needs.
I have had close friendship with men my entire life. I do not want that to ever change. I choose to be friends with poly men so they don't get into trouble with their spouses/partners and I don't get into trouble with my partner.
That being said, I am not currently having sex with anyone other than my partner, I do have kisses and cuddles with others.
I love dating. I love discussing different subjects with different men and I love going on adventures with different men.
When my partner is otherwise busy, I get to go antiquing with a close friend. Or go on photography hikes. I occasionally feel like having sex with him, but we don't, just hand holding and kissing and cuddling. I go home to my partner taking positive energy with me, and I often feel more sexual towards my partner after having spent time with my friend.
I did have a period of time when I was sexual with two partners (at different times). And it was exciting. But again, it started out as friendship. It was about wanting to express my loving feelings for my friend in a sexual way.
This is my experience though and I don't speak for anyone else.
Sciencemama
Level 6
Mar 13, 2018
4
I didn't say monogamy was stupid.
At all. Why did you read it that way?
I said being accused of things you aren't doing is stupid. Like trying to hang out with a friend and yet a jealous partner accuses you of doing things you aren't. That is stupid.
A thorough and well-stated response, informative. Thank you.
@Sciencemama re: monogamy's "stupid", I did not read your original comment that way at all.
@MrLizard oh. Ok. Cool. Sometimes I am not writing as clear as I should be. Thanks for clarifying for me.
Just monogomy... though it may take a few tries to find the right someone, monogamy is the goal.
Lysistrata
Level 7
Mar 13, 2018
0
Promiscuity??? Who has a problem with that, or uses that term, except religious people?
LimeySteve
Level 7
Mar 13, 2018
2
Yeah, I hear you. Was just covering terminology that gets interchanged sometimes, trying to get at how that distorts perceptions. To some (religious or not), polyamory is just a word invented to make swinging sound more respectable, swinging is hedonistic (with a negative connotation implied), and hedonism is all about being sexually promiscuous. And yea verily, all shall burn in the pit of eternal damnation. Or at the very least, be snubbed at the neighborhood block party.
I had a thought that the ideal relationship would be a trifecta. It kinda operates on a checks and balances system. That's the optimal number in my mind. With 2, there's failure to communicate, mediate disputes (no tie breaker), and any more than 3 would be too complicated.
I'd imagine all parties have to be bisexual at the least. There should be a "date a couple" service or something.
it'd also be necessary for everyone involved to love eachother too. With so many preconditions, it'd be tough
Phyphrus
Level 5
Mar 13, 2018
2
"Why can't we go on as three?" --David Crosby
Asexual
JeffMesser
Level 8
Mar 13, 2018
0
GO ??????????????????????
LeighShelton
Level 8
Mar 13, 2018
1
As in "ready, set... discuss!" An attempt at levity.
erm whatever floats your boat i guess
I’m very hetero and monogonous. Promiscuity? No, never; I’d have to know and like her before I shared myself.
HPLoveshaft
Level 3
Mar 13, 2018
0
Awesome screen name 
Are you asking after the differences, or are you asking which we are, or would like to try on for size?
Gnarloc
Level 7
Mar 13, 2018
1
To clarify: discuss the practical distinctions between the lifestyle ("swinging" ), polyamory, and hedonism, and what distinguishes such concepts from vanilla promiscuity, i.e. multiple consenting sexual partners. This is not a judgment-baiting exercise; I'm sincerely interested in hearing opinions.
Hedonism for me is the umbrella covering all of the other concepts in a spectrum. Yes, there may be some overlap.
Promiscuous just describes someone who is more casual about making a relationship and having sex. It doesn't have to mean someone who literally hops from bed to bed with no consideration at all (though that does fit here). It can mean someone who is a serial monogamist. I wish it meant someone who was indiscriminate in their choice of partners as that fits the literal definition, and where I feel the word wants to be, better than we use it in day to day life. Which is why my definition is a bit loose, our use is that loose (no pun in tended). Note: I really don't like calling people "promiscuous" just because they are not virgins OR because they tried to have a relationship and failed. I think this is misuse of the term. Again, it should refer to someone who is very focused on sex, enjoys it a lot and is maybe a wee bit indiscriminate, or risky, about how they go about it.
Polyamory is someone who is in a large, committed relationship OR one that is open BUT has a committed core group. That committed core group is the key to this. I knew a gal who was in a poly-amorous relationship which included two women and a guy and was open. Though, as seems often the case with 'open' relationships I have no reason to believe she ever went outside of the relationship for sex (beyond some cyber sex, does that count?). Thus, to me, polyamory is either a committed relationship of more than two people which might include being 'open' in the sense that new partners can be brought in for a night of fun... and stay or leave. Is someone who is poly amorous necessarily promiscuous? Nope. Imagine a committed trio, or quad, of people. They might be very happy with a minimal amount of sex, being a closed system we could argue there is emotional and health safety here. Being open, with in the group, it's not really swinging, it's just being with a different committed partner.
Swinging, in my (granted, strictly vicarious) experience, reading, etc, is the case of couples, in committed relationships, who swap partners. This can also be in the form of a group of couples who meet on a regular basis to have parties. These parties can run the gamut of couples mixing and matching and heading off to separate rooms in pairs, or can be a pit of bodies having fun in the middle of the living room... note: that includes both. You might have some that are more 'shy' than others and ONLY do the couples thing in a side room or who prefer one gender and not another or any combination you prefer to think of.
As far as hedonism goes, it can be any pleasure: food, drink, sex, art, bubbles, you name it. And I think it is a spectrum. Any of the other categories can be VERY hedonistic (the pit of bodies, for example) or lightly hedonistic (couples only, or serial monogamist as a 'promiscuous' person).
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