Your reply would be a winner in any Tall Tale Contest I’ve heard.

Always good to be able to make something up on the fly

Magnificent dog!

Years ago a local store had a special on baby wipes, I was in my 30s but looked a bit younger, it's a sale so I stocked up. The woman behind me commented. "oh. you have kids" I said, "no, hemorrhoids".

That story has made my day.

Funniest thing I've read in awhile!

Bwa ha ha ha Bwa ha ha My Shero. Well done.

Recreational yarn. Did they ban you for saying you sniffed a dog's rear end, or for making a guy laugh hard enough to have a heart attacK? I wonder if they'll give privileges back to you when they know you were only kidding.

LMAO funny but true we retired people don't care lol

That's great !!!

Things that annoy me:

I'm sitting here on another snowy, cold day, watching the Broncos get their asses beat and just have to reflect on life's little annoyances. Most of them seem to happen in the grocery store. I'm sure some of you remember the infamous Half 'N Half Lite story I shared earlier this year.

Anyway, I sometimes stop at the downtown Safeway after I walk at the Senior Center. I like the store, but it has its share of hippies, ancients, and semi- homeless bike vagrants, a nice bohemian mix. I got in line and there were just two in front of me a woman and an old guy in a wheelchair. I quickly realized that she was his Keeper, and that there were two orders, O.K. no big deal, I'm trying to be tolerant. After she paid, the 11 year-old pimple factory rang up his crap. I fully expected a check for the total of $53.03 but the evil old bastard proceeded to pay in ONE DOLLAR bills, one at a time. His wheel chair was only about a foot off the ground, so he had to reach up, put a dollar on the counter, then reach down into his filthy clothes to get each subsequent dollar. The guy knew exactly what he was doing. Oh, and he had to dig for the 3 grimy pennies, too. By GOD if he was going to be crippled and miserable, every one else was going to be miserable too. His Keeper did nothing, she probably knew better.

After this ordeal was over, I looked behind me and the line was backing up almost to the Dairy in the back of the store. Then the curmudgeon asked the checker where the calendars were? Calendars? This guy was probably going to die before Christmas, what in the Hell did he need with a calendar? He looked at me with a grin and said, "Oh, never mind, I know there is a line behind me." Of course he knew. I'm sure this was his Christmas sex. In a way, I had to admire the old coot, as I knew that this would probably be me in a few years. Merry Christmas.

Sometimes I say stuff just to see the look on someones face.

Was that for real? As in you really said that yourself in TSC ?

I love your humor!!!! Thank you for making me laugh .

That’s a pretty good story

Retired folks with too much time on their hands are always trouble, haha!

Never mess with old people!