My mother kept a cane in the pantry and regularly beat me with it - usually after my father beat her - occasionally my father would beat me too ...
There is no room in a loving relationship to beat anyone ... and if you don't love each other it is time to move on

What is this extreme bdsm why is it in religion

rationalizing apologetics.
dehumanizing Bullshit.
Neither partner should ever raise a hand in anger to their significant other and if they do so, there is no love there, only the desire to control, dominate and rule by fear.

In comparison to our increasing domestic abuse in the USA where women are often hospitalized for the brutality of beatings...seems to be even gentler than our S&M...we have no room to talk...but it is the control of women that is most disturbing in many cultures, and that seems universal...