I have taken the past few weeks to sit back and contemplate where I am at. Some would call it soul-searching , but since I don't believe in souls, I'll just call it heart-searching. It began when tRump's followers chanted "Send her back". I felt broken. Then came the 3 mass shootings. I felt like I was in the proverbial rabbit hole. The world, as I know it" is disappearing. There is a new norm. I'm in small little NH. Nearly every night there's mention of some sort of violent interaction going on, many times a murder or at least a shooting. It was unusual if there was even one a week just a few years ago.

This has manifested itself in the fact that I haven't slept well in over 2 1/2 years.  People whom I have been friends with for years villify people "like" me for not accepting the man who is president.  Someone from the town I work in posted a comment about the protest being planned for tRump's visit today.  Not about the rally but about the protest rally and saying "Who's in".  This is a person who lives next to the school and flies his Confederate flag in full sight declaring it is about "independence".  Some of the comments were horrifying. School board member and others in the town constantly putting the teaching staff and administration down for "wasting so much money".  A constant barrage of hatred on so many levels.

    School will be starting in about 10 days, and I need to change my attitude.  I can't go in teaching with all of this affecting me like it has in the past.  I was very angry by the end of the school year and let several people know it.  I would rant over the tiniest things.  I need to let go of the anger and the hatred.  I am going to focus on doing my best to change what I can.  I am doing my best to be educated on all the candidates and make the best informed decision I can in February.  Once a candidate is chosen, I will do everything  I can to support her/him.   I will do my best in supporting and challenging all my students and supporting my fellow teachers.  

    I will avoid contacts with those who purposely try to antagonize.  I skipped a week of camping because I knew one particular person would be there.  He intentionally tries to get me going.  On an earlier trip (to my friend's wonderful camp), I let him go on and on and just ignored and read my book.  He was miffed and there was talk of how I wasn't being sociable.  Oh well.

    So basically you may see a change in my posts and comments.  No more anger or hatred (hopefully).  I would like to thank my best friend for helping me with this by buying me some pot for the summer.  Ruined my diet but saved my sanity.