Matias, are you okay? You don't sound okay.

Please don’t go to Belgium.

I disagree. Each and every one of us suffers in some way -- big or small -- from random events over which we have no control. I have learned to say, "That is life" and pick up and move on. We should celeb rate the times when random events go right for us and the good times we have and be aware that there will be more.

I appreciate that writing as that is a very clear description of exactly what atheism feels like. But I think he's wrong.

Just because some people describe the world in those bleak terms doesn’t mean it’s really that way. It’s best to ignore those people IMO. They don’t really know what they are talking about. There’s way more to reality than meets the eye, and no one alive understands it. Physicalism is a juvenile phase of philosophical development through which almost everyone goes. Most people think their way through that immature phase and go on to a more sophisticated understanding or awareness.

We have, or are, conscious awareness, a phenomenon of startling significance and implications, and we have no idea where it comes from or even what it is. Yet every second of conscious awareness is a gift of enormous, infinite value.

We are connected by bonds of love. There’s no need to understand the physics of love. All we have to do is extend love and it will be amplified, distributed and returned a thousand fold.

True, the Universe is indifferent. That means you must work, unless you're lucky. Your post seems to say that you are special and the Universe owes you something. Furthermore, since you figured out you aren't getting special treatment, the alternative is being bummed out. Or, life's shit and then you die.

My advice: man up and live as good a life as you can. We are all share the same boat.

I have never understood why atheists think that something that isn’t falsifiable can’t be true. What hubris! It simply means it’s beyond human purview. Much that has meaning can’t cleanly be falsified. Take educational research. It is thought that research in education will reveal the best educational practices. Yet students are so varied, the variables that impact the results are beyond control, and the interpretation of the resulting data is based on assumptions that cannot be falsified. I’m appalled that we think we can answer all questions with empiricism!

I've read quite a bit of Dawkins and, in context, it has never felt at all dire and bleak. In fact, most of it is more in line with how incredible the universe such as the following-

My eyes are constantly wide open to the extraordinary fact of existence. Not just human existence, but the existence of life and how this breathtakingly powerful process, which is natural selection, has managed to take the very simple facts of physics and chemistry and build them up to redwood trees and humans.

As well as messages of empowerment-

We have the power to defy the selfish genes of our birth and, if necessary, the selfish memes of our indoctrination.

The path of knowledge and understanding is what makes the title of his biography, An Appetite for Wonder, so fitting. Like Carl Sagan before him, he brings joy in learning about the universe. I do get why astrologers, mystics, and other "spiritual" people with an agenda would try to portray knowledge (real knowledge, not so-called 'revealed knoweldge' as Michael Ruse says, "Dire and bleak."

Speaking of Michael Ruse, you may have read the following page from his book, Atheism: What Everyone Needs to Know®

[books.google.com]

I knew I heard that name before-

[whyevolutionistrue.wordpress.com]

You're thinking about it all backwards, if the universe is devoid of true objective purpose, that means there is no reason or excuse for anyone to be doing anything accept what they want.

If the world has absolute meaning, you don't get to decide what that meaning is, you are a slave to reality.

If the world does not have absolute meaning, you are free to do as you please. The world is a blank book and you have a pen.

Why not write something down?