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So there is a condolence card in the break room for one of my coworkers who’s dad just died. It has a bible verse on the front and may God give you peace stuff inside. I don’t really want to put my name on it. Would you?

LisaL81 7 Aug 22
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118 comments (76 - 100)

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2

I wouldn't. If I'm close enough to them, I'd be there for them instead.

2

I would go with the option of giving them another card. The card is the important thing, right? If they get more cards, they tend to feel like there is more attention given to their grief compared to one card with lots of signatures. So if they get the attention, they will feel like more support is offered and thus they can feel more assured in their grief, in that they will get support from more people if needed. Then again, I'm not really a people person, nor do I believe I really understand these rituals for condolences.

2

I keep a few condolence cards at work. I would not sign the god one, but I would give the person a card.

Ya, that's ok, too!

2

Nope.

I also hope you don't allow anyone to guilt you into it, either.
The whole "what does it hurt?" line of "reasoning" is precisely
how we've gotten to the point where the believers scream discrimination if they're told to keep their delusions to themselves.

I don't mind pissing people off. You know, since most of them don't
seem to mind pissing me off. Turnabout is fair play.

1

Sure I would if I cared about him and his family. I think that would be no different than going to the funeral and listening to a preacher babble on about how he's in a better place. Compromises sometime has to be made for people you care about.

1

Be true to yourself. Get your own card and send it.

RRRR Level 4 Aug 26, 2019
1
1

I'd buy one of my own and sign it.

1

Yep. Using someone else’s grief to make a point is a dick move. It’s about them not you and doesn’t cost any karma points.

1

I'd send my own card.

RichE Level 5 Aug 24, 2019
1

Yes!

1

It's totally up to you, if you don't feel like signing a dumb card don't. Give him your condolences next time you see him. I've lost people and received cards with heavy religious stuff on them, it really irked me a bit at the time cause people knew my stance on it and those who passed, but what can ya do.

Regardless if you're going to sign the card and leave a small message make sure it's something respectful of their beliefs. I'm sure it's not the best time to leave an atheist quip.

1

if he thinks god will help ... not the time to dispute beliefs -- just put a few non religious words of condolence

1

Yes and I would write some clearfly non religious text like: Lets his body become one with mother earth

why? there's no point to prove here. "I'm around if you need help" or something likewise helpful. again, it's not about him it is about the grieving person.

1

Sure.

1

If something, ritual or otherwise 'expected' participation doesn't feel right, I just avoid it. That easy, no explanations offered or required.

1

I would if you know the person and if it would mean something to them then sign it. The meaningless platitude in the card will be forgotten but they will remember you were there.
If you don’t know the person then don’t sign.

1

Yes, you can put your own condolences in there, it's all about just being supportive for the person/people grieving.

1

Depends on if I knew whether that the coworker was religious or not. If yes, sure. If I know for a fact the answer is no, or am unsure either way, I'd get them a separate card. The second option is more personal anyway.

1

With unmistakable hint of religious denial. Like ...all things pass and I remember the good times.

1

You could buy a card of your own choosing .

1

Give them another condolence card of your choosing. Something that actually states how YOU feel.

0

And: to the OP:::: This is a great question. Something we all are confronted with. Thank you for getting us to think about our behavior.

0

Late 90's:
There was a crash near our business. The woman and boy were unconscious. The girl was able to tell me her home phone number. I borrowed a phone. No answer.
I asked her her address.
They were just three miles from home. I found father doing yard work. Obviously enjoying his day off.
I got him in my car, and told him to call anyone using my car phone. (It was the 90's.)
He called his pastor.
We arrived at the hospital before the ambos.
The pastor arrived just after us.
The three of us were placed in a small room, with six chairs that barely fit.
I told the pastor what i knew.
We sat close. With barely space between the chairs, the pastor, holding the father's hand, went to his knees.
They reached for my hands. I responded.
I held tight. I was NOT going to give this man anything but support.
The words were what we all expect.

Just after the first ambo arrived I took my leave.

I do not know what happened to any of them.

0

I'd go out & get a different card, one that was bereft of any sentiment I didn't fully support.

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