Your post could easily be my post a few years back, just replace all the father's with mother's instead. On the day of her funeral I tried to think of anything positive to no avail and freaked out... my uncle provided some thoughts in that regard... altho unlike you I visited with her a bunch of times before she died and broke NC to go limited contact with her... cuz I am a decent person unlike she ever was. :/

well damn I made your post about myself.... my point was I know how it feels and hang in there

ist time i've heard that song for several decades. someone was smoking some good shit when they wrote it.

If you can make the trip, go. People sometimes reveal another side of themselves very late in life.

Your essay is fraught with profundities. It seems that more people had dysfunctional relationships with parents than functional ones. I'm sorry yours was mostly struggle. Your decision as to what to do or not to do is as valid as anybody's.

By the way, my Darling friend, adaptable1958...I thought I was the only one that still listened to Chad & Jeremy.... lol. LOVED them then...LOVE THEM FOREVER..... and I just listened to that song ,and others... yesterday! Let's try to have a Beautiful day, week, Life !!

My Darling friend, adaptable1958... ..Sending you tons of hugs, tight hugs...because , no matter the situation...it hurts when we loose a parent.....
I also think...if you don't want to go to be at his side at the last minutes he'll have on this earth...you should not have to go.... But if you do Want to be there... then by all means be there.... It should be ONLY your decision and nobody elses..... and Your decision will be the Right one, ok ? You're in my thoughts and in my heart, Dear friend. Hugs, Tc, Be Safe, Peace & Love always !!

You do what you feel is best for you, and don't allow others to try and shame you for not wanting to see him if that is your chouce. I did not go to see my mother when she was dying because I felt no closeness to her from her years of mental abuse to me. I have never regretted my decision. Just because someone is your parent doesn't mean you have to like them or even love them. That to is your choice.

Sorry about your father I hope you're doing well and I haven't heard Chad and Jeremy in a long time.

I urge you to reach out to your father. He may have something of substance to say to you now.

I grew up with an alcoholic father. He was (and still is) the overall smartest person I ever met, but he had his failings in the family dynamic. He taught me so many things I now use in daily life. But there was a strain there that we didn't talk about. I remember him being bombed, at times, when I would come in. I remember the dread at having to "run the gauntlet" to get past him to my bedroom. He had so many gifts but I didn't see them then.

Years later I happened to buy a house in the same neighborhood as my parents. My dad started stopping by on occasion and that turned into a weekly ritual of sorts. So much so that my mom would call and tell me to send him home for dinner. I treasure those few years as I learned more about what made him tick... His joys, his worries and his demons in life. He tried as best he could considering how he was raised.

My father is dead. I have no good memories of him, the bad, still haunt me to this day.