I am curious as to whether other women find the following passages (taken verbatim from a message to me) as offensive as I do:
"there are millions of single lonely lazy selfish women who only want a local guy the fact of the matter is my dear that there are not enough single available willing men to meet all the needs of the single women "
First, if there are "millions" of lonely, lazy, selfish women, then the women who are not these negative adjectives are the minority. This is insulting to all women.
Second, the "not enough single available willing men" is a veiled threat/warning: better get what you can when you can because, lady, because we single/available/willing men are few. This is like the men who have told me that I am "not a spring chicken" any longer and need to settle or I will wind up old and alone.
I am already old and alone--by choice.
Third, what needs can a scruffy looking old man fill that I cannot fill for myself?
He also stated that he is a “man of means and ability and focus and I am not what I deem a lazy selfish individual.” If so, then why the heck does he say on his profile that he wants to find a “homeowner”? Dude, buy your own home.
I am not sure if this guy is a scammer on one level or another or is just delusional, but he needs to learn a couple of lessons. One is that when a woman says “no” to his first advance, leave her alone. Second, confident women do not succumb to scare tactics.
Oh, and since he says on his profile, NO “Prez” Trump haters, he needs to be more circumspect in evaluating the women whom he contacts.
Also, guys, would you say these things to a woman?
Okay, this guy is an arseshole and if a woman posted that I would swipe left too. However, there are some small grains of truth there.
I have pretty much stopped online dating atm because you see the same faces month in and month out. Some of them have been there for years. Now I would say this to either gender. "Why are you single?" This is not a blame game but a genuine self-examination. You look at your break-ups and point fingers often quite rightly at the other party but how many of us ever say "Yeah it was my fault? (mostly/maybe/perhaps)" So we all go back into the pond with the same baggage we had before and maybe some more.
Then we look online. You would think that of all of the stories in this naked city there would be plenty of fish for us but it does not work like that. Then it is a percentage game. Like a cop show where at first all they know about the suspect is that he is a white male 6 foot between 30-40 years of age. Then he drives a black Ford SUV, is left-handed, and travels a lot. The numbers grow smaller.
The same thing happens with online dating. Age, smoker-non. politics/religion, interests, location, attractiveness and most importantly on the same dating site as you, all whittle down our choices. Some are just not worth it. People that talk all the time or never learned to chew with their mouth closed, you`ve met them. Then you have the others that are so fucked up that they need to date a psychiatric nurse. Then you have the ones that really are not able to date through no fault of their own. One lady, I had a date with last year and all went well but she kept canceling the second date due to family stuff. Okay, family comes first but if it is always going to be that way then be honest with yourself and others. You just don't have time for another person in your life. (I see she is back online now).
The point is, whatever sex you are. There may seem like thousands of potential mates out there but once you get down to it. You are lucky if you find 2-3
Quite true. Theoretically, there are hundreds of women in my local area that fit my age range, but after you factor in the deal breakers and traits that you mentioned, as well as the limited number of women that will accept a bald, childless, Agnostic man (when the vast majority of women's profiles make it clear that they only want men who are family men who are also Christian and above average looking), it really comes down to only a couple handfuls of women to choose from that are mutually compatible. Which is why in two years of online dating, I only met about a dozen women in person from the dating site.
Have you posted that question (Why are you single?) to any group here? If so, I'd love to read some answers.
@Gwendolyn2018 In my two years of online dating I have seen at least several dozen profiles of women that interested me, maybe even close to a hundred or more, but have only ended up with about a dozen that I met in person after messaging them, getting replies from them, and then messaging enough to ge thru the usual dealbreakers positively enough to end up meeting. That means out of about a hundred or more women that I liked enough to want to meet, only about twelve of them were positively impressed enough to want to meet me.
In other words, you were getting a lot more interest from the opposite gender than I was. Some of that is probably because men on dating sites are more aggressive than women and try contacting more women than vice versa.
@Gwendolyn2018 I do not think that you not wanting a relationship and just the odd dinner would be that much of a problem. Especially when dating guys, who lets face it have a reputation for being commitaphobes.
@Gwendolyn2018 The demographics are such that Younger men outnumber women but as the ages increase then they even out.
@Ellen-SoCal No, but you are perfectly at liberty to do so yourself
@Gwendolyn2018 I suspect that on sites like Match, that men do outnumber women by quite a bit, even at my age.
@TomMcGiverin Only 52-48% a coin flip in poker terms.
[blog.apptopia.com]
In Austen's "Pride and Prejudice," Mr. Collins, a buffoon of a man, counters Elizabeth Bennet's refusal of his marriage proposal by saying, "You must give me leave to flatter myself, my dear cousin, that your refusal of my addresses is merely words of course. My reasons for believing it are briefly these: -- It does not appear to me that my hand is unworthy your acceptance, or that the establishment I can offer would be any other than highly desirable. My situation in life, my connections with the family of De Bourgh, and my relationship to your own, are circumstances highly in its favor; and you should take it into farther consideration that in spite of your manifold attractions, it is by no means certain that another offer of marriage may ever be made you."
In other words, only a buffoon would expect a woman to be desperate enough to accept him based upon an imagined fear of never being asked by someone better in the future. Such a buffoon has less than nothing to offer. Even 250 years ago, when women were forced to rely on men for the very roof over their heads, it was understood that being lonely and impoverished was better than being stuck with a jerk. In this day of technology, when a vibrator can be re-charged via a USB port, the argument holds even less substance.
Super offensive! And also laughable. Really, tell him he is an asshole, report him and then block.
@Gwendolyn2018 I would rather be alone then have that in my life. I mean really?
Loneliness is a profound emotion that can drive weak men to pettiness and bullying tactics
Yeah, that's not any kind of an excuse.
Very true. But perhaps they are lonely because they are assholes?
@Gwendolyn2018 very good question. I noticed in my life women tend to end up with aggressive and abusive men while the introverted creative types end up alone and bitter haha
Typical trumper, arrogant,self centered douche bag , unfortunate consequence of where you live . So sorry you were put through that Bullshit . I would never say anything that totally repugnant to a woman
@Gwendolyn2018 thank you sweety
@Gwendolyn2018 me too
He is a piece of crap. Good for you, you don't need someone like that and in my experience, guys like that are controlling and abusive. There are so many great guys out there and he gives everyone a bad name. I have been pursued more than once, not because they wanted me but rather my farm. One was so blatant about it my brother noticed within 45 minutes of meeting him and decided to warn me. I told him flat out I already had figured this out. Let him try, which he did and he got nothing. He flat out demanded to have his name put on the deed. I flat out told him not happening. I don't need a man that bad in my life. I have wonderful male friends who help me out when I need it.
@Gwendolyn2018 Exactly, a gigilo. You are a gorgeous intelligent woman. You don't have to settle for anything less than a perfect for you match.
The fact that he is a Trumper says volumes about his attitude towards women......
Personally, I think he sounds like one of those incel assholes.
Pissed off at all women because they can't get any to have sex with them.
They think they have some sort of "right" to have a woman do whatever they
want, and if they're rejected, it's because of faults the woman has, and not their own.
@Gwendolyn2018 Good for you! Bet he didn't like hearing that.
While I know that I am the common denominator in all my past relationships,
I also know what I want and don't want.
What I don't want now is some guy's bullshit.
He's a trump supporter.. Of course he's offensive... Block him...
He lost me the moment I saw no commas.
Freak.
He's a complete jerk. I do appreciate good grammar, and commas, but I was being a bit facetious. There is so much to criticize about what this guy said.
Without wasting a lot of time, the “no Prez Trump haters” pretty much explains everything else.
I would say that his dating strategy sucks. Whether he actually is or not, his response does make it seem as if he is part of the He Man Women Bashing club.
I will admit that this is perhaps my own male bias, but I have seen females on dating sites mentioned qualities that a perspective suitor must have. These include being over 6 ft, making six figures and more than 6 inches in the nether regions.
I would also admit that all the responses so far seems to be directed towards this specific guy and not bashing men in general. However, I simply wanted to point out that in the online dating world, there are assholes on both sides.
@Deiter that is not a solution either sadly.... I used to have very specific and detailed profile... but if 1 out of 100 guys read it before messaging me, what good was it really? XD
I found his comment laughable and yet sad. Funny because he hasn't tried to elevate himself above an uneducated Trumpanzee level which makes for a fun read, and sad because his momma perpetuated the idea that women are to be used and devalued.
Wow!
That is so hilarious!
Try being on the male side receiving comments from females!
At our age everything can be an unveil threat period!
When you put your self out there you are going to get those who are so manipulative, authoritarian, and condescending without regret!
I get from these so called Christian ladies:
We are not a good fit.
We have nothing in common.
Why are you so hostile towards women.
You are not educated enough.
Your beliefs are not within the cultural norms.
You must be a leftist tool or fool.
If you liberal you do not deserve to vote or live in this country!
You do not make enough money to support me!
You shop at walmart.
You drive a twenty year old car. (Does not matter it is BMW in almost perfect shape and running condition)!
Are you actually capable of love?
I am allergic to cats.
I hate cats.
You do not own your own home.
You are not aware of my needs.
Those are a few of the nices responses I have received!
Too many are so full of themselves!
It is just easier to become alone as we age rather than than be considered some sort of chattel by some one else!
The world is full of moronic idiots!
The key is to avoid them or just ignore them from afar if you can!!!
No, and I had a large number of descriptive words come to mind upon reading your post.
What an conceded Ahole.
Did you mean "conceited"? He didn't "concede" anything (to acknowledge, yield, or admit defeat).
@LiterateHiker Oops using Speech-to-Text forgot to proof read.
I’ve never used insults like “lonely, lazy, selfish” when approaching a woman online, or IRL. Why would I? It’s mean. And I can’t imagine who would respond positively to me after that introduction.
@Gwendolyn2018 I’ve received my share of “not interested” responses to my initial inquiries. Even if I’m disappointed at their lack of interest, at least they were courteous to reply; many inquiries get no response at all. So when I get a “not interested”, response I thank them for replying and wish them well.
@Gwendolyn2018 I don’t understand why men get aggressive or tell lies on dating sites. It’s like they’re in a bad marriage or suffering some trauma, and playing out their issues with virtual women.
This is why I stopped looking. I keep getting these paternalistic assholes who think they know better than me and should be able to tell me what to do because I am a little old woman with no options. . If I point out I do indeed have options then I am an uppity bitch who should know her place as a second class citizen to men. . Men! Keep ‘em! I am going to get me a robot who can do the only things I ever needed men to do like heavy lifting and get on with my life.
Ah, a self-described "nice guy" who seems to be (badly) attempting negging. And guys like that can't seem to understand why they can't get laid.
@Gwendolyn2018 Yeah, but what can we do with ourselves?
It sounds like this guy was repeating themes he heard elsewhere. He certainly wasn't addressing you personally.
A waste of your time to even bother reading it ! His loss surely.
@Gwendolyn2018 ...can dish it out - but he can't take it. Jerk.
Pussygrabber.....single lazy lonely boy never learned what a real man is nor the fact only women decide .....he can't see the pattern of his own failure as a person....male entitlement personified AND REJECTED ....he will pay giant amounts of his TrumpOLINI money for one night of "sex" desperate and stupid.... love is free with respectful intelligent people
I have blocked dozens of bad boys like him ....if I meet his ilk anywhere I ask them one question: is your mom sister or daughter deserving of your rapist ideas in action ?