This is a rant about A frustrating situation that has arisen. And from it ive learned that ill never date a theist again.
I reconnected with an old high school crush. I was lonely and still coping in the after math of my divorce so being around someone i was close too was comforting.
Well...we became more that friends. We were happy. Until she told her folks about my athiesm. Then they pressured her to leave me. In fact in hind sight...im certain they even orchestrated the events that soon followed.
She went on about us being unequally yoked or betraying her god after seeing her parents. But alone...just us...there was none of that. But something seemed odd.
For one she kept mentioning kids. Wanting one....even took it upon herself to buy baby clothes for "just in case".
I was not ready for more children. I was quite content to never father another child again. My daughters from my previous marriage were plenty. But she begged...pleaded for a home a family.
She had me convinced we would always be together.
We found out she was pregnant. And soon she left. Cutting all communication within a few short weeks. Her father handled things between us. I gave back what stuff she had left at my place.
I was cut out. The babies first heart beat....i didnt even get called when the child was born. I feel used and frustrated because my questions go unanswered.
When the news was broke to her side of the family their reactions were less than supportive.
My family has doubts if its even mine. There were some red flags i caught i perhaps shouldnt have ignored. She still had Tinder on her phone and ex boyfriends would call her. Its not a slam dunk she cheated on me scenario but Im unsure how to proceed.
In the days leading up to what i would call our break up she became increasingly focused on my lack of belief. And seemingly upset i didnt want any religion forced on the child. I fear the worse if its mine.
10
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31 comments (26 - 31)
Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.Perhaps shouldn't have ignored Tinder? DUH!?!? Somehow your predicament sounds a bit childish, though you claim being 31. Reading your bio shows you're no prize for any parent, death metal? You sure it was what you say the reason for your relationship end??
Mofo1953
Level 9
Nov 5, 2019
1
He posted as a rant, not for you to call him childish, say he’s not a prize, or for you to criticize his taste in music.
Why do you feel the need to belittle people? He’s hurting already and does NOT need some random dude online putting him down.
@Marcie1974 you go give him comfort, then. I have found in my many years of practice that self criticism, not belittling anybody, but guiding him to look inward for the reasons instead of blaming others which is the easy thing to do. Hurting for the loss of a girl friend is at best inmature for a 31 year old man. He is asking for advice not sympathy.
@Charles9488 please do not give any credence to his words
@Mofo1953 how is calling him childish and saying he’s no prize guiding him in any way? You are name calling and deliberately trying to make him feel worse. How is that even remotely considered constructive criticism?
Perhaps you should look inward before you post word that do nothing but put other people down.
@Marcie1974. Nobody is forcing this 31 year old adult man to take or reject the advice and comments he specifically asked for. Up to him to do what he wants, but to pretend to silence advice that is not a pat in the back; or the easy way out of agreeing with you because you are hurting is bogus and maybe even detrimental to the recovery. I don't really care if this middle aged man heeds my advice or not, but pretending to silence a perfectly valid point of view just because "oh my god the poor boy is hurt" get him to his safe space and let him suckle on his wittle thumb is silly. He needs to man up and you need to get real.
@Marcie1974 typical of lay people holding to a word or two instead of tbe gist of the advice. This man is behaving inmaturely, hence the childish term. But you know better than a trained professional, so go comfort him by agreeing with all he said and tell him there there. A lot of good that will do....for you not for him.
@Mofo1953 he didn’t ask for advice. He said it was a rant. Had you offered constructive criticism or given practical options to the situation, that would have been perfectly acceptable. What you did was belittle his maturity, taste in music (as if that has anything to do with anything), and said he was no prize. In what world is that advice? The only advice you actually gave was not to ignore that she was on tinder. The rest was just outright attacking his maturity and music. How is that remotely helpful?
Please tell me what was the “gist of the advice” then?
@Marcie1974 if you can't tell it is useless to tell you
@Marcie1974, @OwlInASack or not
@OwlInASack the dude needs to grow a pair and man up, tough shit if some busy bodies think this is rude. You can call it rude or you can call it a reality check. Have you noticed he hasn't complained? If he does I might apologize, something I am not opposed to, but when busy bodies who are not the interested party "call it" you're damn right I will not.
@altschmerz i have nothing against any music style but some religious parents may object to it, don't you think? That was my point.
@Mofo1953 “man up and grow a pair”
Toxic masculinity much?
@Marcie1974 no, just good advice for another man. Not for you.
@Marcie1974, @OwlInASack if he asks I will. Now get off your holier than thou pansy attitude.
@OwlInASack fuck off wanker!
How ironic that you claim he is immature and no prize parent when you share nude selfies of women online, without explicit consent.... and how old are you exactly? That makes it worse. You should not throw rocks at someone's house when you live in a glass house yourself.
@demifeministgal all my posts of nudes have consent, shame on you for making stories up.
Thank you to those who took the time to offer sound advice. There's a lot to sort through on this.
Charles9488
Level 4
Nov 10, 2019
0
Long story short: I once dated a woman who was cheating on her husband with me. Once we were an item, she left him. Afterwards she started dropping big hints that she and her kid were now going to be my responsibility. I wasn't thinking marriage so I balked. Shortly thereafter she started cheating on me with an ex-boyfriend she had reconnected with and I was dumped. They got married -- just what she wanted.
My point; women be scheming so watch out.
Sgt_Spanky
Level 8
Nov 5, 2019
0
Oh yes, we’re definitely all that way 
@Marcie1974 Did I say all of you? It's just a general idea to be aware of. It goes for men as well.
You will find that others always want to focus on her cheating whether she did or not. They just cannot let that go. Idiots will try to convince you she might have even been sneaking out at night while you both are supposed to be sleeping. "Unequally joked" (sic) is something that religion will put upon you and this and her parents intervention is why she was always upset at your lack of belief. Certainly they do not want the child raised as atheist. This is why you were cut off. Things like this happen all the time, sadly.
DenoPenno
Level 9
Nov 5, 2019
0
i am not sure what the laws are state by state regarding paternity but on one of the court shows recently the judge said that a man has six months to take a paternity test and declare or deny paternity. i may be remembering it out of context, because the guy in question had declared paternity without a test, paid child support for a couple of years and then found out the kid wasn't his. totally different situation and i don't even know what state that was. but it gave me the idea that you could do some research and find out, regarding your state(s), and perhaps ask for such a test, and if the kid IS yours, then you may find you have some rights regarding that child. i don't think you would have a say religionwise, but you might be able to insist on contact. i am not going to suggest asking for custody out of hand, and even today it is difficult for a father to win custody. ir might not even be warranted and you might not even want that. but you should get your story told and find out what your rights are, and then decide which of them you wish to try to exercise.
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genessa
Level 8
Nov 5, 2019
0
In other words: Find a good lawyer?
@twill well, maybe! but he can research the things i said without a lawyer and then if he wanta to proceed with any of those options that turn out to be available to him, yes, then he will need a lawyer. he doesn't have to waste his money to have one do what he can do for free with google!
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