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This post does not pretend to represent a scientific analysis; it's just a conversation starter.

When @LeeLou asks how fellow Atheists deal with depression, he gets 94 comments (and counting).

When @Seeker3CO asks people to share their guiding principles, he gets 3 responses.

When @sweetcharlotte asks what depression feels like to you, she gets 3 responses.

A very, very inconclusive impression, from a very, very tiny sampling, nonetheless stirs my curiosity to ask:

Why are we so ready to tell how we respond to depression, and so reluctant to talk about the principles we live by, or how depression actually feels?

I'm not saying there are necessarily meaningful connections between these posts; I'm asking because I don't know. But there appears to be a pretty dramatic contrast.

Are we less interested, or less aware, or less willing to share or describe our inner feelings and philosophies than how we respond to depression?

skado 9 Dec 31
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44 comments

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2

it is ok not to know, you can't know everything that goes through people's minds

9

Timing, interest, reacting to the input of others, relevance and desire to share - all of these are dynamics to the "success" to a thread.

Board mechanics, too, play a part.

For instance, this board doesn't "bump" by default - new posts don't move a thread to the top of the queue. So, post on a Friday and it may be buried on Page 2 by Monday, even if the post could win a Pulitzer.

Really though, I dunno - I'm a cat.

9

Now, to answer your question, if others already answered the post and they said it better than I could, then why answer/post.

True enough, and I respond that same way often, but still it seems it would apply equally to all posts, so it doesn't explain why a post that has been answered well continues to collect even more responses, while one that has hardly been answered at all gets nothing. I now think RavenCT has pointed out the difference. One was asking for help, and the others were just asking for opinions, and people do like to help.

8

I think it depends on the day - do people have time to do an in depth analysis and give a good response?

Does someone else's response look similar to what they'd write? (Than they likely drop a like on it and move on).

And I know we might share a bit more in the Mental Health groups or the Psychology group - because it's more insular. "Mental Health Support "

Also someone new coming in looking for input? That tends to make folks want to help out - I think we do have that tendancy as humans when asked "What works?" to want to see if our experiences can help another.

Also if a post picks up more comments - it drives more members to it..... that much I know.

You may have touched on something very consequential here. I have noticed that when it looks like someone is asking for help there is a generous outpouring of responses.

6

I have no constructive response other than - interesting observation. I tend to share my feelings but fail to read all the posts because I get so many alerts from my groups

5

Speaking as one who did not respond to any of those, I shall not speak.

5

Given that it may not entirely be down to just the way this site works technically. Leeloo could have got a lot of replies because people genuinely want to help, I have noticed that on this site appeals for help, of any sort, usually get a bigger than average and often a very big response.

Seeker3CO made a post that was a little assertive and looked a bit like, a points fishing post, though that may have been unintended. But it did, if I remember right, follow a few hours after a very similar post which did get a good response, so perhaps people confused the two, or just thought it was boring as we did that five mins. ago. I know that is why I did not bother.

And as to sweetcharlotte maybe people are shy to talk about their inner feelings and do not wish to burden others with them.

5

I think the first question you can answer more objectively...Give all the pat answers from google, psychologists and psychiatrists.

The other two questions require far more self-reflection. They are subjective. Taking out your pain, examining it and talking about it takes courage.

5

I don't recall seeing all of these posts. I get busy and skim sometimes. But I would have no problem answering any of them. My depression typically stems from external situations, such as battling chronic illness since 1974 or discovering that my husband has made 26 payments over several months from our checking account to the side piece he's been schtupping without my knowledge or consent or living on less than 20 grand a year. You know, life's little frustrating annoyances like those, as opposed to any chemical imbalance. How do I deal with that? First I try doing something for someone else to take me out of focusing inwardly, when it's worse I may try swearing like a pirate, and in extreme cases, I adopt a kitten. I'm betting you think I'm kidding about how I cope. I'm not.

My guiding principle. Easy. Three words: Do No Harm. Two other words: Listen. Care.

What does depression feel like to me? It makes me feel weak and drained. It's like looking at everything through a gray filter. It makes me cynical and negative. My default setting of "Happy" fades and I'm quicker to anger. I hardly ever cry, but frustration is the most likely reason when I do. It hurts physically. Depression feels like being trapped in my own head.

Deb57 Level 8 Dec 31, 2019
5

Well, I know that at least one of those members has me blocked, so there's that.

As other posters have put it, there are a number of reasons why and why not some posts get more responses than others.

For me, a lot of it depends on my mood at the time I see the post.
IF I even see the post in the first place.
How I feel about the subject matter.
If I feel like I have anything to contribute.
If I have time to respond with any level of thoughtfulness (if I feel the topic requires it), and a myriad of other factors.

4

I think this site is broken, honestly. There are very few new posts on my front page feed, and when I click the "newest" link to get all posts I see very few there either. In fact, right now I see posts under "newest" from no later than December 27, and there are only two there (of which one is the post from LeeLou you mentioned). I don't think I've seen the other two you referenced. I had thought for a long time that all conversation was just taking place in the groups, but as time goes by I realize that the way posts are selected for display is fundamentally flawed. I've even tried playing with my feed settings to show more from particular categories, hoping that would help, but it didn't have any discernible effect. It seems we should be able to scroll through a full list of posts, but that has ostensibly not been the case for many, many months.

I know that's not what you were asking about, but I think it may be partly why some posts get lots of attention and others get virtually none.

Edit: I just went back to the feed settings and selected every category, and now I'm seeing a lot more. I had set them back to the factory defaults after I'd tested previously and had seen no improvement at that time, but I think this is still the crux of the problem because I suspect most people assume they're seeing all of the posts by default.

Thank you, I'm going to re-visit my settings to be sure I'm optimized.

@Lauren Unfortunately, I don't think most people are aware that those settings exist or understand how they work — and I'm not positive I fully understand myself exactly how they work, or are intended to work — so most of what any of us posts is likely never seen by the majority of members.

@resserts I'm not sure I understand them all, but I seem to read a lot of posters talking about posts I've missed. I knocked it up to my inconsistent online presence. Something for me to work on in the new year.

@Lauren I think I'll post to the Senate group (or whatever it's called) and suggest that all categories be set to maximum for new users by default. I just think the anemic number of posts that show without selecting any categories to "see more of" hurts engagement.

A lot of my posts do not show for very long. I sent the admin. a question about where are my posts and this is their reply. ... In response to your question:

We only pick new questions that have universal appeal to show up in the main list of topics. We admit that it might be a little random as it's so subjective. If you have a specific post you would like to share on the general board, please send us link and we'll review it. .

@gemini1947 I thought I saw something recently that they no longer curate for the front page feed, but I don't recall where I saw it. Maybe I dreamed it.

@resserts I just sent this one in a few days ago and this was their reply.

@gemini1947 Ah, okay, thank you. I still think it would be better to just have everything flow through the feed unfiltered, but I guess they know what they're doing.

4

I can describe my depression. It feels like your feelings are hurt really, really, badly. It hurts to a degree physically, kind like you have some kind of virus. You have little desire to do anything worthwhile. Your mind constantly worries excessively but you can't get the bad feeling off your mind. What I usually do is go ahead go to a psychiatrist and get some meds. The meds really work usually well enough until you can get to feeling better. I have planned suicide a couple of times. However, once the depression is over, you wonder why you allowed yourself to feel so bad about something that really doesn't matter in the long run.

4

I have a guess on why "how fellow Atheists deal with depression" gets the most activity: You don't have to dig deep to find the answer. If you have had depression, you've already labored to find the answer and you remember what works best for you. As for the other two, I always struggled to describe how depression felt to me and haven't consciously thought much about my guiding principles (but maybe I should 🙂 )

Good thoughts, all!

4

Guiding principles to life? That is a pretty broad subject, and could take a lot more time and thought than I would want to try and explain here. I handle depression by being depressed. Other than the two years I was on antidepressants in the 90's, i have not figured out away to control it when it kicks in.

3

Laziness. The first one is simpler to answer.

3

I think ot has to do with self awareness. Many can tell you how they deal with things, few can tell you why. It is much the same with religion. Most can tell you what they believe, only in rare cases they can give an articulate answer why.

3

Guiding principles: treat everyone like you would want to be treated. I assume that everyone is doing the best they can with what they have. Thus I do not judge people for their looks or as they present themselves. It may be the best they have and they may not have everything working correctly. Remember statistics tells us that the average person has an IQ of one hundred. We see many smart people doing all kinds of things to make life better for all of us, this also means that there are half that are not getting along as well as the other half. The system does not work well for those who lay below the one hundred percent line. Also there are people who had it great for a time and then the bottom of the economy fell out meaning there are smart people who are homeless. Also remember that since Reagan quit funding the Mental Health facilities the insane are now on the streets trying to function as best they can. Be kind, be helpful, be honest, if you are taken advantage of, so be it.

3

Perhaps it is that depression may feel different to different people. For me it is like moving through glycerin, a slippery substance that is also has a high viscosity. One cannot get to where they want to go without much more effort than should be necessary. This is the physical feeling for me, the mental is much the same but different as one usually knows what they feel like normally, being depressed makes this mentally the same. For me it is like one day I am at ninety percent and the next I am at thirty, I now I am smarter but I just cannot get there. Also depression is painful, it is like having a bad cold or the flu without the runny nose, headaches, bone aches, my hair hurts. Depression is not fun and my description is while I am taking medicine for it. It is unbearable without the meds. I am not a medical professional but I am willing to share what I know. Take it as you will.

3

Please do not use members' usernames.

Depression and mental illness have an terrible stigma.

[projecthelping.org]

These were posts made in the open forum.

@skado

Did you get their permission to use their usernames? They may have posted about depression for a friend or family member.

When a man used my username, I asked him to delete it. He apologized and did what I asked.

Please show concern for others.

I screwed the pooch on this one. I am what and who I am.

@dalefvictor

What do you mean, "I screwed the pooch on this one"?

@LiterateHiker You are literate hiker, it takes some conversation to figure out who you are, or one can just ask. My avatar is me, I tell you who I am so I cannot hide. Come and get me we might have a good conversation, which is what this is about anyway.

@LiterateHiker
Apologies, but I don’t understand your concern. They posted these questions under their own user names in an open forum. I’m just repeating what they already disclosed, in the same space. I don’t understand how repeating what they have already said, in the same space, requires permission. ??

@skado

You lack of empathy for people with depression is appalling.

[projecthelping.org]

@LiterateHiker
You aren’t helping me understand your concern. Can you articulate how what I have done represents a lack of empathy? I’m not disclosing anything they didn’t already disclose to the same audience.

@skado

@dalefvictor said it best: "Guiding principles: treat everyone like you would want to be treated."

@LiterateHiker
That’s what I’m doing. If I disclose something about my personal life in a forum, I assume everyone is free to discuss it. Do you understand my question to you?

@LiterateHiker Maybe it didn't bother the guy and the charlotte member, the way it bothers you, to be tagged. It is possible others don't mind this post as much as you would. 🙂

3

Do I have depression? Yes. Most people in the modern world today would have. I deal with it in my own way without harming anyone and I cannot exactly tell you what it feels like. This is because we are all different.

The principals that I live by are those that work for me without harming anyone else. My reality may not be your reality. I can tell you exactly how I feel and even if we agree we may not be saying the same thing. This is the nature of reality.

3

People often ask me what it's like to be colorblind. What words could I use to compare my everyday experience to a reality I have never had.

The same is true of chronic depression. WTF do you want me to say? Why don't some of you try to describe what it's like to NOT be depressed? That should be interesting.

Agreed. And sorry you deal with it.

@Donotbelieve I'm sorry to hear that. It's rare for a woman to be colorblind.

@Donotbelieve I had a girlfriend with that years ago. She had a little extra hair, but wow, what a sex drive!

3

It is much to do with specific exposure to particular posts.... I respond to those that pique my interest..... and I am sure I don't see every post made....

blzjz Level 7 Dec 31, 2019
2

Speaking for myself I've known Christians to get emotional support from their churches so for atheists to reply about dealing with depression might be considered a counter to the Christian method.

2
  1. Time of day, length of post, the way a post is worded....these could all be more significant factors contributing to which posts receive responses
  2. Depression as posted by Leelou seemed more urgent, at least to me (and less boring)
  3. The way you frame the questions about readiness and reluctance assumes quite a bit more than the data permits
  4. It may be time to resist the urge to post for posting's sake
2

I hadn't responded to any of the posts. The only one I had noticed was that by LeeLou. I have been a bit under the weather lately and have done barely more than skim. On any given day I may or may not respond to particular posts. There is no particular rhyme or reason.

Be well soon.

@skado Thank you.

2

Sometimes I will comment on a lower level members post....just because....especially when they are asking for help, and I think I might have something to contribute. ....

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