The following words are from a book I am writing.
Please let me know what you think.
I will break it into two parts so it fits.

PART ONE >>

PREFACE
 
If you are a believer in a God, I feel obligated to warn you that I am not. With this book, my goal is not to criticize, condemn, insult or convert, but rather, to help you explore the true nature of your own relationship with God, religion, and faith; if you are a follower that is.
 
Do not stop reading this book because of the subject matter contained, if the magnifying glass makes you uncomfortable, you need not look into it. On the other hand, that is precisely why you should.
 
I am writing about faith because, after the accident, I was trying to go down that path, for help, for guidance, and for relief; but ran into too many dead-ends and roadblocks. Try as I might, I could not find that road to go down.
 
If you have found this path for yourself, examine your beliefs—why you believe and what you believe— and, perhaps, your views and thoughts on the subject will change, even grow stronger after reading these words.
 
After the appalling things I have gone through in my life, I tried to turn to the idea of a God to simply ask--“Why?”
 
No answer came to me.
 
Perhaps, because I grew up without a father (he died when I was seven), I cannot find this “father” in heaven who takes care of us?
 
I am not saying that I just did not get educated about any kind of God; I have attended various churches over a hundred times, as well as synagogue. I fully tried to find the God that everyone was so enamored with; my mind would not allow me to.
 
At times, I would criticize myself in my mind, wondering why I could not find this God. I asked myself things like, “Are you too stupid to find and believe in this God?” It was when I found there were other critical thinkers in the world that set me free.
 
People told me, “You have to believe in your heart, and not in your mind.”
 
What, exactly, could that mean?
 
People also told me, “If you don’t believe in God you will go to hell.” First, this sounds like a huge threat. And, any God that would make me smart enough to know how to use my mind, will also punish me “FOREVER” for not believing in him (or her), this with no evidence – whatsoever.
 
With these words, I do not want to change your beliefs, I want to have you think, and, perhaps, make your faith even stronger, or, perhaps, diminish it all together. I want to get you to reflect on why you truly believe.
 
Under the impression that there was something there to help me, I was trying to build up a strong belief and faith, but I could not find anything, anywhere.
 
For myself, I have just found such a comfort and freedom not having to base my life on any kind of a God.
 
I have been told that you cannot see or define God; you just have to believe on faith. How can you believe something if you cannot see or even define it? I hear from people that God exists outside of space and time, then how would they know, if this knowledge were outside of their realm? This makes no sense to me.
 
People may say I was not trying in the right way, but I tried all kinds of ways and still--NOTHING. If you are a believer and can help steer me the correct path to find God, please do.
 
I see that there is no way to prove God exists, but there is no way to prove God does not exist—the same goes for Faeries, The Loch Ness Monster, Big Foot and Santa? I want you to know that I am still open to the idea that there is a God looking over us; I have yet to find that path or see any evidence, can you direct me?
 
I wrote these words after attending a Christian church service. People there appeared happy and good-natured, showing kindness and support to one another—always gratifying to see. Church often seems a good social mix for people; a connection place. Faith and belief have helped a great many people to live a better life, and often inspired them to help others.
 
After attending church hundreds of times, I never could “see” what these other people “saw.”  I have been to all kinds of different churches and denominations and it seems that most of the time the pastor or preacher or rabbi or person running the show is trying to talk everyone “into” believing. “You must believe because of . . .” It was like all these believers have to be reinforced all the time to believe even stronger or the belief would fade away.
 
Is this right?
 
It seems that people who knew of my differing beliefs acted toward me as, “What’s wrong with him?” It seemed as if there was almost hatred behind their look, as they perceived me, just because I did not believe as they did. I wondered why we could not even be friends just because this person had decided on a certain faith and my thoughts and beliefs were different.
 
For a time I attended church with Tina at a Messianic church (Jews and Gentiles who believe in Jesus.) After some weeks, the rabbi asked us over for dinner at his house; I was pleased to go. After a nice dinner, the conversation turned to my beliefs and my being with Tina. He said we should not be together because of differing beliefs. This hurt so much I cried--big tears. This caused me a lot of mental anguish and we headed home.
 
I have just found there is so much negativity and even violence in the various dogmas of the world. Christian, Muslim, Judaism, Hinduism; each and every religion thinks theirs is the correct one. The fighting that is involved and true hatred toward others who do not believe as they do, to me, that behavior is truly immoral.
 
As Rodney King said, “Can’t we just get along?”