I am impressed by the last part of your statement! I couldn't do that number again, if my life depended on it!!!

@Freedompath I did love my husband dearly but the fact that he let his parents make life decisions for OUR lives and then decided to get involved with someone who had already broken up another marriage and then went after my husband, and he was more than willing to get involved thinking he could have us both, those things right there would stop me in my tracks. One thing I have learned, sometimes love just is not enough.

@misstuffy I just put that book in the discard box, by a renowned psychologist...'Love is never enough' I learned that lesson, no need to repeat that!

@misstuffy sounds like a lot of 'real' hurt, in that story!

@Freedompath Agreed.

If I could go back inn time and live part of my life over I would in a heartbeat if I could keep the knowledge I have now and no way would I marry who I did.

I wish I had a time machine, so much I would do differently.

What will be , will be . Glad you didn't stay for the last 40 .

First vacation as a married couple, he came home and announced we were going to Rainbow Camp in Canada, I was so excited until I found out that the we didnt include me, no women were allowed he said and yet his mother was going so basically a family vacation and I was excluded. Second vacation, he comes home and says we are going trail riding in Colorado, I get to go this time, but I got pretty pissed when I find out he planned the trip with Mary Johnson, who was single instead of me his wife, oh yeah, her two single friends, both women were going too, I was miserable. Caught him at Mary's house after Donny tipped me off he was there at 3AM. Wish I had never met him and very thankful we never had children together.

@misstuffy I am glad he has gone...where the wind blows!

@misstuffy You know you should not trust people who would not include you in outings.

@rajThakur I was already married to him when this all happened.

@misstuffy Yeah but now you know better so you can give your self the love you deserve.

@misstuffy Had a similar experience . Shortly after we married , his Aunt and Uncle decided to have a family gathering to celebrate their 25th anniversary . His parents asked him to drive them . So Friday , after work , we all piled into their car and drove several hours to a resturant meeting point , and while we're eating dinner , his aunt , who was at our wedding , turns to me and says , " Why are you here ? " On another occasion , we drove his parents to his brother's graduation at Paris Island , and his mother asked why I had joined them.

@Cast1es Nothing like making the DIL fell like a part of the family (not) It was very obvious to me when he and his folks took a family vacation without me. In fact he made it a point to tell me I was not ALLOWED. I was his WIFE! What the Hell????

Your post is inspiring. We all hope to be in similar kind of relationships.

That is a good story...

And after reading all these post, that made me sadder, I was glad to find yours!

Two divorced me and one died. I divorced my ex of 12 years and we are yet friends today. She is a nice person but I bit off more than I could chew.

Hi,I can't get anybody to understand the hate I still feel towards my ex wife and my ex friend.35 years on and the hate has never diminished..betrayed by a so called friend and wife has got to be tthe worst.The hate was so great I stopped seeing my daughter so I didn't have to deal with them.She was 40 last week.I haven't seen her for 36 years.?

I'm so sorry you have suffered with this for so long. I don't foresee myself ever forgiving my ex, or the horrid woman that was complicit in the betrayal, but I do hope that for my own sake, this huge anger I feel will diminish. I don't like feeling this way and don't intend to nurture the tendency.

I thought the joint account I had with my husband was ours, it wasnt. My name may have been on the checks but it was not on the account as owner as it turned out. He and his mother were co owners on the account and he cleaned it out when we separated, he had talked me into havng my check from work electronically deposited but when she was getting our bank statements I stopped that.

My parents were controlling in those ways also and always told me and my wife what to do. It's no wonder that I had 4 major relationships in my lifetime. My parents never liked any of my women from the beginning. I moved a lot to avoid my parents.

@misstuffy Ouch!

That is so sweet...I could never give up a single one of my 5 children, but your tenderness toward your sons was so touching! I think I have become too hard around the edges! When mental illness creeps in...it causes a kind of distancing, because it hurts so badly!

@Freedompath Understandable. I myself suffer from OCD. So I know the struggle. As an amendment to what I wrote earlier, I can't say that I wouldn't want to go back and do it differently, just that I wouldn't.Those two little guys rely on me so much and I would be letting them down big time if I didn't think they were important enough to suffer for. I always tell people, and I still stand by it, I never really knew what love was until I had my kids. It's tough to describe, but no matter how many women I loved in the past, no matter how many times the hopeless romantic in me ever said, "I'd die for you," I never really meant it until I held my oldest son in my arms for the first time.

I'll be honest, the last two years of my life have been especially horrible when it comes to my ex-wife. I've been used, I lost everything because I was too nice to fight for it, I had an emotional break-down which nearly ended with the end of my life, and I've had one health issue after the next and mostly due to the stress of my strained relationship with my former wife and the feelings I have for her that I can't seem to shake. But I would endure all of it a million times over again for those boys. I still live because of those boys. And I wouldn't have it any other way.

I too have become harder around the edges, but I think it's a good thing. I've always been far nicer than I should be. Nothing wrong with being nice, but I finally got tired of being taken advantage of. I'm still going to be nice, just more selective about who gets that treatment.

@ReBrew2115 sounds like you are taking care of 'self,' which is surely necessary, to live in this world! It took years, for me to get clear on how to care about 'self' first, so that me and others will benifit! I am glad that you are getting stronger and I am sorry that you were hurt! All of my 3 divorces, hurt deeply, but I have healed and life is working, better than ever! So you will heal, and your life will be just fine...life is funny that way...I learned the most, from the most hurtful experiences! And, you have 2 boys to love...

I have avoided marriage since mine, seems I attract losers, men with ulterior motives and I have gotten pretty good at detecting them.

@misstuffy I’m really sorry. There are a lot of people on both side of the gender divide that aren’t worth very much. I’ve met a couple female lemons, but, luckily, once they hear that I have an 11 year old daughter, they run.

@Gatovicolo Usually when guys hear I have no children but a lot of property I can't get rid of them. They have dollar signs in their eyes.

@misstuffy I can see why that would attract someone. Thankfully, I’m self sufficient.

@misstuffy Me too . I put everything I worked so hard to earn , into property . They can't stick it in their pocket and walk away .

AS much as I love and wanted kids I am glad we didnt have any together.

Happy Birthday on Monday!

I should qualify my question in that if you could go back with the knowledge you have now so you would be then the person you have become now, growth and all. I think with the perspective we have in our mature years and a chance to start over in our youth we would all make better choices.

@misstuffy yes indeed - nice thought !

Glad you got out. Mine was not abusive that way. He just never cut the umbilical cord to his folks. He put them ahead of our marriage.

@misstuffy I most strongly empathize . Had to view a closeup to verify that we hadn't been married into the same family .

What a sad story...that had to hurt deeply! Oh!, if only we could control life?

That is a paradox and you have my sympathies. I had a friend on the race track that was murdered by her boyfriend.

It might be only one line but my wife says that often about her parents.One died three years ago.She said one down one to go.They are truly the pits.

My mother was wonderful but dad was controlling and abusive to her in ways he never was to his girlfriend. I always thought it was because the girlfriend could afford to walk away, they had no kids for him to hold over her head like he did with mom.

Thats too bad, she must have not had a stromg mothering instinct and despite what people think not all women are the nurturing type. Hopefully you found someone better for the both of you.

@misstuffy bailed was metaphorical. She's a part-time mom