I am the one who refuses to fight. I have never seen any utility in it.

My last S.O. needed drama, I don't do drama. Hence the distance between us now.

I don't like to fight. I avoided even a hint of one when my daughter was around. When my parents or neighbors fought I couldn't sleep. Ironically my daughter blames me for her not being able to fight fair.

Shouting and anger should not be an option. My ex came from a family of shouters, just how they communicated everything - as an argument. I tried walking away during arguments, continuing to argue but in a calm voice, but nothing worked until I embarrassed him (which I don't recommend depending on who it is) by telling him I was afraid to be in the same room with him when he shouted. And even then, it only made the arguments quieter - he still need to argue everything.

Point is, it is difficult to work past our upbringing - what makes us feel a conflict has been fully explored and then resolved satisfactorily.

Some people need that adrenaline rush in fighting to feel alive and ther are those who seek out conflicts just for that "alive" feeling.

I won't (knowingly) dae such persons. I don't lke drama.

This actually ended my last relationship. He would immediately start shouting in arguments and I would walk away or hang up the phone, eventually I just said this isn't working.

I had enough arguments to last me 5 lifetimes in my first marriage. I do not argue woith my second wife. We genrally try to discuss issues and resolve them without anger or control games. Even if I feel that I am right, if it is not a big issue, I accede. On the few occasions when my spouse wants to continue the argument and I feel that that is nothing to be gained, I either just walk away or I say something like, "I heard you loud and clear and that is enough," We have had few serious arguments.

I miss the old days when arguments were settled with duels.

I would argue that shouting is often brought about when one isn't fairly involving themselves in the discussion. Outside of an aberrant mentality the issue should in most cases be able to be discussed relatively calmly. But if one within the discussion is operating outside of reason, factual information or within conjecture, there's going to be problems. And refusing to be involved only intensifies the other party being they're not getting any closure. I've been through both scenarios. It's quite an empty feeling you're left to deal with on your own, quite unfairly. Then there's always those people that just don't have the control or ability to discuss without shouting. That's another complete issue none of us can know which situation you're in without more knowledge. In which not involving yourself can be fueling a disastrous outcome! Which may very well lead to needing a moderator. The first thing is to figure out what is causing the shouting. If it's right out of the gate, you have a major issue and large red flags should be going up. If it comes with a delay after a timely attempt, I'd argue we have a simple case of unfair involvement going on. Which can leave the other a feeling of not caring for their need to address their emotions, concerns, or desires. This is really a well of thoughts a group like this can only conjecture on with the limited information provide.

"Out Of The Illusion " Group

Have all your arguments on the phone, not in person.

There is an old saying that says " couples who don't fight don't f*ck" jus sayin

It makes me even more angry that you got me angry as it solves nothing.