You're on a journey out of religious faith and it takes time to let go of things you've been acculturated from the cradle to think are necessary, such as the notion that you're immortal or that there's someone all-powerful who has your back.

It seems harder than it needs to be if you are surrounded by True Believers in real life, but fortunately, online communities like this help.

Some answers to the Great Questions may be unanswerable. Many more are at least in theory answerable but we don't presently know the answers. The appropriate response to that is to learn to sit with that undertainty and not make stuff up or borrow other's made up stuff just to be able to (falsely) claim knowledge about the matter. Some answers, we know, but have been taught that we durst not go to those places or draw those conclusions because only Bad People do that. It takes time and practice not to feel vaguely dirty or wrong for exercizing true freedom of thought.

All of this stuff that's taken up residence in between your ears takes time to pry loose. Be patient with yourself. Take one thing at a time.