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Is homosexuality a choice?

Of course, it isn't, it's one's sexual preference as hardwired into their brain at birth. I didn't choose to be hetero, it just revealed itself over tine. it's the same with homosexuality.

So why do Xians insist that it's a "lifestyle" choice? I can no more choose to be gay than I choose to be a serial killer. Neither is within me. The same is true for Xians yet they insist being gay is a choice that was made and they can help you unmake it with the power of prayer and the guidance of scripture.

Why is homosexuality such a trigger for religious people? Why are they, and by extension their God, so concerned with what you're doing in bed? Isn't it convenient that God is as appalled by all the same things that appall the Xians?

Sgt_Spanky 8 May 26
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61 comments

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1

Lots of good questions and I'm sure lots of interesting answers from people who've devoted a lot of thought to the phenomenon. Perhaps phenomena would be more accurate. I don't understand from a personal basis how it happens that men are sexually aroused by other males. Ironically, my life, psyche and interests continuously brought me into contact with other males fitting the description of homosexual and over that long span of experiences of them, I learned a lot about them intellectually while still being puzzled to this day about what makes them 'tick' and how they became that way.

I've come to view homosexuals (males) as not monolithic in their attractions and practices. Consequently, I'm of the opinion that those who display any of the array of behaviors called homosexual, came to those orientations by equally diverse causes.

Most strong attitudes embraced by believers are anchored in fear, as they are one and all conditioned to be fearful of negative consequences for diverging in any way, including reasoning, from their respective established 'paths of righteousness'. The conditioning began for most of us before conscious memory. With so many anti-Nature admonitions imposed on developing minds, healthy development becomes distorted, even prevented. We are assigned roles and identities that modify and prevent fully realizing ourselves by inherent drives rooted in instinct and Nature's intentionality. Sometimes the roles can be consistent with our inner character structure and sometimes they leave no room for 'us' in them.

The nature/nurture argument is what passes for whether one has been 'born' a certain way or has 'chosen' their way. In the many causes of behaviors that include homosexual ones, I think there is room to consider causes to be either or sometimes even both. Sexually based roles (genders) imposed on us by family, theology and culture aren't the only elements of our developing identities that might not be a 'fit'. Historically, children have suffered abuse for stepping out of character by being things like 'too precocious', too kinetic and destructive (usually males), refusing to show interest in 'guidance' with a strong will to experience first-hand and any number of other divergences from family or cultural 'plans' made for them.

As a youngster given to daydreams and intense curiosities, with a strong creative drive leading toward both arts and sciences, religion and I became early adversaries. That attitude led to lots of abuse from nuns in a few parochial school experiences. I should count my erstwhile blessings and good luck of not encountering any pedophile priests. Keeping many of my thoughts and questions under wraps was an early lesson taught by more than one nun, reinforced with pointers, yardsticks, fists and heavy geography books across the back while I cringed at a desk.

Later, as a young adult, though I was repulsed by the whole idea of homosexual behaviors, a kind of kinship developed on other levels within which I came to better understand. Performing arts naturally attracted them for similar reasons they did me. One could release creative drives by being good at being somebody else. In their case, it was sexually related and they'd already had a lifetime of improv rehearsals among family and community... In many times of sharing thoughts and curiosities with my Gay friends and co-workers, and I acquired many, more 'conditioning' about them was abandoned.

The topic so transcends mere Xtianity, as to rob it of it's dignity and many examples of deep morality, courage, dedication and yes, love. No matter how badly we are abused in formative years; no matter how many times and ways our primary drives are thwarted or punished, one drive remains strong. I believe life and love to manifest inseparably in humans and many other creatures. Unfortunately for our 'kind', the first order of theological and cultural business it to separate them and set painfully narrow conditions upon when and how both life and love are allowed expression. The drives don't go away any more than water 'goes away' by arresting or regulating its flow with a dam. Conditions can change and water can burst the interruption or overflow to different routes. Some are only very different, others very destructive and everything between.

Welcome to "civilization".

you had many good things to say; I am disturbed by the POINT that you consider homosexuality abnormal. homosexuals have made up a part of our society since the dawn of time. it is a recent phenomenon that a person choose a team ( this is mostly true of men) women are allowed to experiment with homosexuality it is considered okay as long as it doesn't go too far and Men become obsolete.
sex and Power are always connected at some level in ancient times young man often engage in homosexuality and then later in life got married and had children.

@m16566 My intent wasn't to single out homosexuality as 'abnormal' and though I haven't re-read the above, I don't recall having used that term. I tried to spotlight how what is considered 'normal' in what we call civilizations, is in fact a counter to what is natural by inborn canon and Nature's intentionality. In that regard, most of our behaviors qualify and our sexually related ones transcend mere homosexuality when it comes to 'fooling Mother Nature'. It is actually because of the way homosexual behaviors are regarded by many societies' orthodoxies that what is occasional behavior in Nature becomes an anxiety and guilt ridden compulsive behavioral identity in 'anti-Nature'. Many other secondary reactions, sexual and non, result from our (what I like to call) brine existence. Some are therapeutic substitutes, some just benign and others are destructive to self and others.

Many non-sexually related secondary (substitutional) drives are developed because of thwarted primary ones. Left alone, primary and instinctually driven curiosities appear at their developmental level, are acted upon with most receding to their places in character 'landscape' while we continue development at subsequent stages. Interference or blocking in ways with a high emotional charge will cause emotional injury and a 'turning-in' of frustrated drives. Not only do they not disappear. They are harbored restlessly and will seek 'cover' via other outlets, with more of an emotional charge than what drove them back in the first place. There is an entire soup of these kinds of compensatory behaviors that are well represented in the mainstream of our 'civilization' and, by the way, are at the roots of addictions.

Though occasional homosexual behaviors are documented among human cultures closer to nature, like other kinds of sexual acting-out, it barely merits any attention at all and certainly not rejection by the group. Our nearest animal cousins, bonobos, are spontaneously affectionate and sexual at any time and some of their behaviors are same-sex as well.

It is, I believe, the emotional charge, positive or negative, reflected back upon us by our social organizations in our time that thwarts Nature by forcing us to live within confines of self-destructive, pathogenic systems that usurp power from Nature to freely condemn her phenomena as abnormal and it isn't limited to sexuality.

10

because they're secretly afraid dicks are delicious- Joe Rogan

8

I just ask a person who believes this crap when they decided to be Heterosexual or straight? They usually get a puzzled look on their face and tell me they were born that way. That is when I tell them so then the gay person was “born the way they were too”. They usually don’t have anything more to say to me.😉

The first time I heard a person say that homosexuality was a choice I thought about it for quite a while. I asked myself when I decided to be heterosexual. I could not remember. So I asked myself if I thought I was gay. Happy, yes, looking to have sex with men, No! So just so you know I have never decided which way to be. Perhaps other people do but for me the discussion is not to be considered. As far as for other people are concerned, why would I care unless they invited me into their bedroom? I do not have time for these people as they are usually gay themselves and just do not want to deal with it.

I was once told that all people were born straight and that gay people choose to be gay or were "turned" gay by gay adults. I like Dan Savage's response to anti-gay Ben Carson when he claimed being gay was a choice. Savage told him to choose to be gay and have sex with him.
[vox.com]

8

The Hebrew/Christian/Muslim God has always had an issue with sex. As late as a century or so ago, the only legitimate reason for sex was producing babies. In early 20th century America, a woman could receive a reputation as a "loose woman" if she allowed her husband to have sex with her too often or if she admitted to enjoying sex with her husband. Good Christian womem just didn't do sex unless she wanted a baby. Anyone who wants sex for enjoyment or pleasure, had something wrong with them.

Since gay sex doesn't produce babies, it must be lustful only and therefore a sin. Christians also claim that homosexuality is unnatural because it doesn't produce babies - never mind that hundreds and hundreds of animal species engage in same sex sexual behaviors including penetration. A few species have been documented to form long term same sex partnering which pair up for life. In the case of some bird species, a same sex pair has been observed to steal eggs from neighboring opposite sex pairs. Together, they incubate and rear the young just as any opposite sex pair.

In terms of Christians insisting that being gay is a choice, they must believe that humans can only choose to sin. If not, then a significant part of their belief system falls apart. Individuals must be able to choose not to sin. Without choice, their God is unjust having created individuals who are predisposed to sin and do not choose it. If their God is not just, then their faith is moot.

Some good points here.

8

You've gotta remember that these are just simple people. The people of the land. The common clay of the new west.

You know....morons.

6

Because they need and excuse for their fear. The most ardent anti-gay ones, I suspect, are closet homosexuals themselves. Can't prove it, of course, but that's My opinion.

I was gonna say the same thing. A bunch of them are repressing their natural state, and it makes them crazy and irritable. “If I can’t act on it, no one can” mentality, I guess.

@Apunzelle That's kind of how I see it, along with some self-hatred as well.

6

I attribute it to ignorance. Many who are homophobic are racists as well. Agree/Disagree?

I'd be curious to see if there's a correlation between homophobia nd racism if that's ever been studied.

@Sgt_Spanky -most that I have met dislike both.

@Sgt_Spanky my ex-husband since becoming a Trumper dislikes immigrants, black and brown people and the GBLTQ community. He grew up in Brooklyn with black friends and worked for me when I ran a GBLTQ business.

@sassygirl3869 Trump's influence is never anything but toxic. Is this change to his personality the reason he's your ex?

@Sgt_Spanky - we have been divorced for 20 years but we share a daughter. He was a rock n roller when I met him 25 years ago. Big change,

That corrilation is called religion. But I know that was not the intent of the question. It is certainly true among the religious but I can not back that up with a study. I would love to see the statistics. Doing such a poll is very difficult as most people would lie about it. Even many skin heads do not believe they are "racist"... twisted.

@sassygirl3869 Some people let the frustrations of life get to them and just snap.
Shame.

@Storm1752 -are you referring to my ex or that lady?

6

Well, considering christians have been dragged kicking and screaming to this point of morality where they no longer stone women for not being a virgin on the night of their wedding, thinking slavery is okay, and way too many other abhorrent behaviors to list briefly; they are just grasping at straws now. They almost have nothing left to control. So they hold on with their fingertips the last few ideas they believe they can publicly get away with, like homosexuality and women's reproductive rights. All under the guise of "morality".

So they are triggered by their loss of ground and constantly act like victims and say that their religion is under attack, when the actual reality is that they are not victims of ANYTHING. Noone is stepping on their toes, we are merely trying to get them off of everyone elses toes. They can go believe whatever ridiculous bullshit they want. They can also keep that shit to themselves and out of our public sphere.

To paraphrase a Christopher Hitchens quote " I am perfectly happy for people to have these toys, but they will not insist I play with them too."

6

The worst homophobes are closet cases who want to overcompensate.

5

The answer to your question, y believe, is that you are trying to use reason to solve this riddle, while the riddle is the product of irrational thinking. Ignorant frightened rigid-thinking people do not react to reason. And of course, their god is exactly the way they want it to be. In fact, if there is anything in their bible with which they don’t agree, they just ignore it and read another part of the bible that contradicts what they are ignoring and says what they want to read. And of course, the gods are created by their worshipers. You just have to read Deuteronomy I to clearly see how that god was created by men.

good point I've made it myself many times I believe that the just the god-shaped vacuum an individuals is due to the fact that we determine at some point that our parents are just people. we need to create a powerful Immortal parent the to take responsibility for our lives so we don't have to.

@m16566 Yes, they need to create a protecting father that saves them even from death. That is a very insecure way of existing.

5

Christians tell you flat out that god did not create Adam and Steve. Since they believe man and woman are to procreate and "replenish the earth" they automatically understand that this cannot happen when people are gay. If you are homosexual you are going against the teachings of their book so being gay must therefore be a choice you have made. It makes sense to them but they fail to see that biblical homosexuality only deals with men. This is because women are actually considered property. The bible never deals with lesbianism.

Wrong as they are, they think gay is a choice and Mike Pence and friends will always want to "pray away the gay." Many even think that demon spirits made you gay. Trying to pray away this gay is no different to them than praying that the playboy male who married Susie will be faithful to only her now and stop going with all the other women. If this is a little trucked up it's because their book cannot be wrong and neither can their god.

I've never understood the need for the term "lesbian." Gay means one is attracted to one's own sex, not specifically just men but anyone attracted to their own sex, male or female.

@Sgt_Spanky I can agree but we do have that word and it also gets used.

@DenoPenno I know. It's just a personal peccadillo.

@Sgt_Spanky I believe it comes from the stories about the country of Lesbos.

for example " gay and lesbian Alliance " it's sort of like saying women and people .

5

Any one who think this has no idea about the diversity of any species. There is no white or black, no pure race, we all have the DNA given us by the first humans. Also there is no male or female in a pure sense. We are all participating in what we are given by Nature and Nature does not work with absolutes. Everything is a mixture, the pure die out to be replaced by something that responds better to what Nature needs. We all have the possibility for everything and it is our manner of being in the world as diverse creatures that assures our existence.

5

The poison-trap they have set for themselves is that someone being gay cannot be God's doing. Therefore they have to pretend that it's the decision of an individual so that they can be punished and pushed into feeling guilt and shame, even though a moment's introspection shows that to be a ridiculous notion. This is the split-personality double-think of their crazy superstition.

That sounds like it..

5

Because many of the male leaders have chosen to be straight when they're really gay.

It also appeals to men who feel any sort of feminity makes them appear weak and they are horrified at the thought that a male homosexual might be attracted to them. Of course we all know that the Christian religion is basically patriarchal and inforcing masculine standards helps maintain that power.

Like many things there's lots of different reasons for lots of different people. A woman I respect very much said that in some instances homosexuality is a choice But most of the time it is a fact of birth. I was engaged to a guy in college that certainly appeared to be very heterosexual and when I broke up with him he had another girlfriend. After that he moved to San Francisco and became gay.

My granddaughter informed me that most females are on a spectrum from 1 to 5 and 1 or 5 which I can't remember means you are very very heterosexual and the other extreme is you like someone of the same sex. I know several lesbian couples that married men in their youth and didn't change their lifestyle until their fifties or even sixties.

I've often wondered whether all of the guys who enjoy watching 2 women make love also enjoy watching two guys make love.

4

I do not think homosexuality is a choice; it is a normal variant of human sexuality. We do not choose who we are attracted to, or not. I always say-- if we were to find a society, population, WITHOUT homosexuality--that would be abnormal. That said, even if it were a choice, how does it cause anyone any harm. The only harm it causes is in people's narrow, brainwashed, minds.

I actually think you can choose to dabble.

@MsDemeanour : That would be a choice of behavior; and not everyone has the urge to dabble. I can't imagine engaging in sex with someone that I was not sexually attracted to. I have never been sexually attracted to a woman and I have no desire to dabble; so I don't ever see myself making the choice to do so.

If one does have the desire to dabble, is it a choice to have that desire, or simply part of who they are hardwired to be sexually?

But, as I said, even if it were to boil down to being a choice, as long is no one is harmed...
et vivere, reservate.

3

The dogma in Judeo/Christianity warns of dire consequences, so has managed to create fear. Fear is an excellent start fro controlling others. As sexuality is a spectrum, most people have some degree of attraction to others who share their sexuality. Within the context of dogma, people become afraid of themselves. I think when they enounter sexuality it provokes fear. It appears to Xians to be a choice. I encountered this explananation during a a LGBT workshop at a national convention of mental health counselors.

I have read some writings pointing to Religion's obsession with sexuality and sexual behavior as being absolutely intentional. The reason is the Fear-as-control-weapon you allude to. Arguably nothing is more personal than one's sexuality. It is also complex and diverse. I cannot think of a more perfect target for fear-mongering Christian leaders to seize upon for the purpose of convincing the faithful of their inherent shamefulness and need for repentence. And realize "repentence" means convessinf to those leaders and being willing to do as they tell you. It is pathetically on the nose accurate that Christianity uses the Sheep/flock metaphor for people of the church. Sheeple. It is sadly laughable.

3

Christianity is not interested in evolving. Love is love attraction is attraction. It’s a pity that christianity is
this way because they promote hatred and division.
They are missing out on extraordinary humans.

3

I once saw someone ask a homophobe something and now I ask homophobes the same thing: at what age did you CHOOSE to be straight? Taking it a step further, if it is all a choice, can you CHOOSE to be gay for a day, week, etc. and then go back to being straight? According to their logic, they should be able to do so easily since it is all a matter of "choice" after all. Morons

Clearly you can choose sexual behavior for the most part not sexual desire.
I wonder how many Catholic priests start out as deeply religious gay young men; who cannot accept who they are. and then later in life they lose control and are exposed.
I myself am naturally bisexual I believe most people are I act heterosexual; I don't want the stigma.

The vast majority of priests and brothers are gay. I have experience with priests and brothers who were closeted.

@m16566 That is the problem. Xtian bigots think homosexuality is limited to sexual acts. WRONG. A person is still homosexual (or hetero or bi) even if they never have sex or are still virgins. Sexuality is about ATTRACTION, and we do not choose who we are attracted to.

3

Does it really matter? If you are asking whether it is a choice or whether you are born with the tendency, you've missed the boat.

Even if it were a choice and had no biological basis, homosexual people aren't inherently hurting people by being homosexual. The same standards apply. As long as they aren't forcing themselves on anyone else, it's none of anyone else's business.

3

At the time Christianity was invented, people lived in a dog-eat-dog world. Luckily, we'll never have to deal with that! The theory was that humans were made in the image of God so every single person had a spark of that divinity in them and should be treated as such. That was revolutionary. How we got from this notion of universal love to the likes of Westboro Baptist Church would be an interesting history.

3

Secret longings ?

bobwjr Level 10 May 26, 2020
3

Stupidity is rampant with religious fanatics.

3

In my very unqualified opinion; it's brainwashing and tendencies by certain unscrupulous leaders to consolidate their power by uniting their followers against a common threat. Not having the courage to face a real threat, they choose a "moral threat" and due to their cowardice they pick an easy target, a small group which wields little power in reality and with whom most people won't identify.

Given a lot of revelations that have come out over the years about homophobic christian leaders, it seems the choose the LGBTQ community because of their inability to act on their own secret desires.

As a straight man, I try to speak out against homophobes when they spout of and demonstrate that not all of us are eager to persecute someone over an insignificant difference.

As far as homosexuality being a choice, when you hear anyone say they believe it is, ask them when they chose to be straight. I don't remember ever waking up on day and thinking, 'Okay, I'm going to like girls.'

JimG Level 8 May 26, 2020
3

I am inclined to believe that homosexuality is genetic in origin. I do not see why a person would simply choose the option knowing the difficulties it could well produce in dealing with others.

3

They need it to be a choice. If it's biological it weakens their arguments against evolution.

2

You can choose how to behave, but in most of cases it will bring only pain to go so much against your feelings...

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