People tend to over-judicialize stuff and discover too way down the process that what they will get after paying the lawyer is less than it was originally agreed before the start of the process.

Its cheaper to keep her lol

No, fortunately. I’d say stick it out and make compromises.

Divorce cn crearte financial distress at any age.

I am living through this without the divorce part. I am having to sell my house as we can no longer afford to live in it. We rent out the upstairs two floors so there is help with the mortgage, but there is not enough to keep up with the maintenance of the house and replace the appliances as they no longer function. As long as i work, I love what I do, all almost functional. We are going through the process of foreclosure and the time line for selling is about four or five months.
Trying to find a place where we can live without working is almost impossible. We are trying to fun a small piece of land and place a manufactured home on this land and live there. This is not easy as any thing we do we want to have it paid for, so we have the money from the sale of the house to use towards this goal.
Now the question was basically how does one get old and not enter poverty. I have no idea, unless one has a job they can perform until the day they die. Social Security helps and we could live on that if we did not have to travel any distance for groceries or medical help. Kate needs to go for IVIG Infusions every 28 days, so we need a car, public transportation would take all day and with her condition this time element is not an option.
One can say that we should have planned for this event and should have known how we would be affected. Actually we did and had retirement accounts - they disappeared in the last three recessions. To avoid a rant I will stop here. Getting old is not for the weak and ill.

I'm going to sound like an asshole here. I apologize in advance, as that is not my intention.
Reading all of these stories terrifies me. I was afraid of so many of these things happening, that I took precautions, maybe (probably) to my own detriment. I looked at stories of people with children, of couples who divorced after having children, of people who had disabled children (and then kept having children??), of people who had a child die and then split as a result, etc. etc. and thought none were risks I ever wanted to take. The mere concept of the rare event of finding the person you love most in the entire world, who loves you most in the entire world, then creating a thing that you both love more than each other is the most counterintuitive thing I've ever heard of. It was because of this that I lost the love of my life. So here I am at 40, debt free, house, sports car & daily driver, student loans all free and clear, no wife, no kids, and a pretty decent income. Yet, I feel life is a pointless as it could possibly be. Every night I hope I die in my sleep, and every morning I'm depressed I woke up. I can't kill myself, for whatever reason(s), so I just have to try to make it through the day keeping my mind as distracted as I can so that I don't constantly think about the sweet release of death. And that life, as awful as it is/sounds (or doesn't sound depending on perspective) still doesn't make me think that if I had it to do over again I'd risk having children to keep her.
I guess all that said, if you don't have someone to be with and share things with and love, it's likely nothing else will mean shit regardless of how much or little you have otherwise. If you can, you should be happy.

There are reasons some older people get divorced not mentioned here. A friend's husband had Parkinson's and she was looking at sending him to a nursing home. These homes are very expensive and the costs would have created a big hardship for her. This state allows some amenities like ones home and an paltry allowance. Many get divorced to avoid going bankrupt because of a nursing home situation.

I came out at 45 and separated after 25 years and at age 47. Worries for my pre-teen son led to it being an even slower process. The wife had been a professional college student into her early forties, and I was a social worker. No house equity, still with student loans....mine are finally paid off as of last year....and she had no retirement fund, while mine got chopped up in the divorce. I still support hwr a little and don't begrudge her that. We remain friends. But I certainly know about financial challenges at this stage of life.

But finally divorcing was worth it all. I can finally be quite open without lengthy confusing explanations as to why I am married to a woman. And financially, I adjusted my goals. I have embraced small home economical living, as, knock on wood, I should have my 900 sq ft house paid off at 67, just in time to reduce expenses as I become eligible for social security. I will certainly need to be frugal. But Hey! I am in love with gardening! Who needs expensive travel? Lol

!!!! 🥰
You too?? Kindred spirits! I might be a few years ahead of you, and my wife was not a fundy, but my family of origin certainly was.
Children of the seventies and eighties. The wall of cultural heterosexism sure did a number on us. In my case, it didn't help that I came of age in the explosive AIDS scare era. Being a gay male psychologically equalled almost-certain death to me. Terrifying. So I called myself bi and committed to a hetero marriage. How fucked up was that?
Nice to finally say Fuck that Shit!

Do you love your wife?

Hey, I'm trapped in lockdown with my ex wife and four kids, three of whom have diagnosed special needs (all are high functioning, so that's a huge blessing).
My wife has embraced her suppressed gay side, but I'm definitely not a homophobic evangelical Christian.
I feel for ya, mate. Ain't life grand.

I got divorced at 55. SImple math: I only have so many years left....how to spend them? And also financial....I only had so many years left to work & save. Would I dare continue to work even MORE?

I am now now 61, happier AND more financial secure than ever in my life.

I haven't been in that situation, no.

I did have a set of grandparents who were unable/unwilling to split for various reasons. Their solution was to put a trailer in the back yard.

They handled the bills and kids/grandkids together, and got along much better when living separately. When they were no longer under the same roof, it was easier for them to become friends again.

Is something like this an option? If so, I would suggest that it would be even better if your entrance was not visible from the house.

many have to live in intolerable circumstances due to financial issues just do the best you can and try not to engage in conversations that make fights try and separate as much as possible

Your wife sounds emotionally toxic as you have advanced beyond her standing and deserve better. Divorce is common. This topic brings to mind an NPR show that addressed this topic. A quote in context that sticks in my mind is roughly, "people change. We all make mistakes. A good person should not suffer the rest of his (or her) life for one bad choice." Hope you find a healthy relationship with a rational and non-toxic person.

Not anywhere near that situation. Not a fan of marriage. BUT I sympathize without being able to fully understand.