Heard a good one the other day ..... from a kid....courtesy of the Last Week Tonight with John Oliver

What is the difference between a cow and a banana?

The banana is yellow............

Im still laughing

What's the best time to go to the dentist?

2:30 (tooth-hurty)

It's a groaner, but the only one I remember!

"When my grandfather became ill, my grandmother greased his back. After that, he went downhill very quickly."

9 out of 10 people addicted to brake fluid just can't stop.

So I've invented a new game - Quiet Tennis. It's pretty much the same as normal tennis, but without the racquet.

A pregnant woman staggers into a hospital, one hand on her back.
A nurse asks her what’s wrong, and the pregnant woman screams, “Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Didn’t!”
The nurse shakes her head and says, “I’m sorry…I don’t understand.”
The pregnant woman’s face contorts in pain as she shouts, “Can’t! Won’t! Don’t!”
The nurse, bewildered, turns to a doctor.
“Admit her,” the doctor said. "She's having contractions."