@Gwendolyn2018 Totally, but why is it so difficult for people to figure that out?

@Gwendolyn2018 I hear you and can totally emphasize. As a child were were brought up in a 'freerange' family and learned to do things on our own. Our parents were there for us and had no addictions nor failings. Yes it was an 'old fashioned' arrangement in that my father worked and my mother stayed home and had babies (8). This was not a forced arrangement but it was as both wanted. My mother was a terrible homemaker and our house was always a disaster but it didn't seem to bother my dad. She was, though, a great cook and the relationship was not dominational and there was love. Still, we all had to learn from our mistakes. I lived in Germany 15 years and was indirectly connected with the military (the U. of Maryland had a contract with them and we had what is known as logistical support - they recently came out with a video about the program I have shared with the site). Then I considered myself Republican and was a practicing Catholic. In 1989 things changed especially for me and I, with a partner, returned to the US (Seattle) and my views started to change. I became vegan, left religion (became strong atheist), met a fabulous Iranian woman. We got involved with numerous groups, moved to a very community oriented and liberal island. Traveled and experienced life in it's fullest. Then she died suddenly. Point is the evolving has not stopped for one second. My experiences, education and embracement of 'critical thinking' has actually increased my polarization of the 'old-fashioned' conservative way of thinking. I am as mystified and disgusted as you at the backwards and selfish behavior of too many people especially men.

@Gwendolyn2018 Wow, doesn't sound like a happy situation. Parenting is such a critical think one would think parenting would be more controlled/ Unfortunately, we still live in a world where even convicted serial rapists can't legally be sterilized. My late partner also had a miserable 25 year marriage. I actually realized some things about that marriage from discussing issues on this site. I imagine she was just too embarrassed to talk about certain things. She did say she gave him one credit in that if he had not gotten the family out of Iran, because if they had stayed with her mouth she would either be in jail or dead. I did meet him and he was a piece of work. Not physically abusive but psychologically and emotionally so. It saddens me to hear so many childhood misery stories here.

At one time I thought we had had a dysfunctional childhood but hearing such stories makes me realize how very lucky we were. Thank you for sharing.

@Gwendolyn2018 Question is what is 'function'? We had a messy and often time unhealthful household and with so many kids it was noisy and at times a bit crazy. One brother, for some reason (even he couldn't figure out later in his life, was always running away from home and getting into petty trouble with the law. He later grew up to be a lawyer. Still every single one of us (all 7) are successful and 6 are atheist (we grew up in a Catholic household). Every one of us is happy and are, to varying degrees, liberal. So how does one measure 'functional?'
Unfortunately, I see a lot of this has geographical and environmental causes and things may be getting worse. I often force myself to read items that don't appeal to me but then am so grateful I did. This was one such article. [theatlantic.com]

@Gwendolyn2018 Or it might be that one families dysfunction is another's function. Our being able to be on our own and do things other parents would never allow was great in helping us fledge. Other parents saw this as irresponsibility by our parents. The "Atlantic" article I sent really shows how bad tings have gotten. Nowadays we have helicopter and parents that bubble wrap their kids to the detriment of all.

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