I sit across from what looks like a 3 eyed dolphin in a space suit. The space suit seems to be filled with water

Me: "as you probably already noticed, our species evolved with barely enough intelligence to run a civilization -- consequently, the average person doesn't understand game theory well enough for the majority of the population to have any hope of avoiding tragedy of the commons."

It: "Oh yeah, we already understand decision theory and modeled that."

Me: "...and of course, there's the faulty heuristic calibration thing in our psychology that causes the systematic spread of misinformation... etc, etc... So, did you have to deal with any of that too?"

It: "No, but 88% of species experience decreasing selection pressure as their intelligence improves -- the sooner technology is developed, the sooner it can be used to prevent the deaths of unfit specimens in most cooperative species."

Me: "Ah. Yeah. That's kind of what I figured. So most species end up just barely intelligent enough to start a civilization. It's a convergence point created by the nature of technological process and the typical decisions of the sorts of cooperative agents that tend to be required for technology to even exist."

It: "Yes, in essence. In the case of our species however, our technological process was delayed due to us evolving underwater."

Me: "...how did you even MANAGE to develop it?"

It: "...it's a long story..."

Me: "Okay, I really don't care. I just want to know how to fix this. How did most species respond to the realization that they were stagnating?"

It: "Usually with self-exterminating senseless wars, or in the more cold and logical species, aggresive eugenics programs."

Me: "Eeegh. We humans aren't all that keen on eugenics. At least, most of us aren't. What about technological enhancement?"

It: "It works very well. My synaptic efficiency is actually improved by a number of implants..."

Me: "Cool. Tell you what. You can mine our oceans for tritium and in exchange I want your blueprints for your nanite & neural interface technology. The only way I'm going to be able to fix my species is with iterative technological brain enhancement... so, yeah."

It: "We also want harvesting rights on the... what you call, 'fish'."

Me: "Uh, sure. Whatever. Just don't over-harvest them. We've depleted the ocean populations a bit already."

If there a visiting alien, chances are they already know everything about us. With the kind of technology that it would take to get here, they've probably been watching us for millennia. I just want to know what they have to say to us.

It's they get here they are more advanced than we are so I doubt there is much I can tell them that they don't know. I would rather go for a tour of their planet and see how they prevented or overcame our situation and attempt to apply that knowledge.

I'd tell them that humanity is young. It's only just got started, still hitting a lot of stumbling blocks and figuring out how to get over them and how to avoid future ones. I'd tell them that humanity is capable of terrible cruelty and amazing kindness. That it can destroy and create. That it hates and it loves. But with all that, it still isn't done growing. It deserves a chance to find out what it'll become, just like any sapient species.

...And I'd probably say all that with stirring, inspirational music playing in my phone because of course I fuckin would. ?

I've got a better one. How would explain Christianity to a visiting alien? "Well you see alien God turned up here a couple of thousand years ago and we tortured and killed him, which we celebrate, but he came back from the dead and now we are waiting for him to come again." My guess they'd be zooming off for coffee and cake at alpha Centauri as soon as possible.

I would ask them if I've been picking up All in the Family or Honeymooners broadcasts and tell them that's pretty much it, except for Prince and Monty Python.

We got lost since your last visit

The most successful line of primates at manipulating our environment. A loose conglomeration of inbred tribes following instincts before logic. A global epidemic often lead by it’s insane. Clever Apes ~

A mutant ant, sentient and super-intelligent, walks up to your shoe and taps it, trying to get your attention. He waves his antenna, explaining to you in the only manner he knows how, that he is sentient, knows you are as well, and wants to talk to you about his ant colony of newly sentient and scientific ants.

Do you :
A) stomp him into oblivion, cuz jebuz krist that ant is waving his antenna at you and staring you in the eye?
B) ignore him, because you didn't realize he tapped your shoe for your attention and just walk away tending to your original business?

I doubt that any intelligent, galaxy travelling creatures would give us the time of day, let alone ask for any explanation of humanity. Not trying to be a dick; just pointing out the huge differences that most likely exist.

"I'm not with them, don't judge me."

I am sure that they would be sophisticated enough to be able to explain a lot of it to me.

"Whatcha see is whatcha get. What are your immigration policies?"

We've existed as neurotic, hairless apes for millions of years. The majority of us do not fling poo any more. Well, at least not "actual" poo. Well, some of us do, and we have this one leader that likes to have hookers .... Now that I think about it, yeah, you might want to just head on to the next backwards planet. Take my word on this one.

In fact, got room for one more? I got pot and gas money.

So many questions I have to ask to answer that question. What is the alien like? Are we similar enough that I can even hope to explain anything to "it"? If I could communicate, I'd have a lot of questions myself for the "alien".

I suppose I'd start by explaining what I know of biology and evolution to express how humans came to be in the first place. Then I would procede to express the various mile stones that led to advances in science and technology leading to the point where our society is today. I would not cast a negative shade on any of it. It is what it is, the universe doing itself. I'd be very curious to hear a similar synopsis from my new exotic friend to see where similarities and differences may lie.

According to numerous ancient accounts, including the Sumerian texts, written 2000 years before the Bible, and Lloyd Pie, who wrote "Intervention Theory," our planet was terraformed and populated with genetically engineered humans. There were at least 22 alien sources who mixed their DNA with human apes, according to alleged DNA evidence.

The alleged secret government whistle blowers say that these alien races keep track of us, and are constantly present, although they can cloak themselves at will and even use other dimensions for space travel. The documentary, "Unacknowledged" (seen on Netflix and YouTube) has videos of US presidents, astronauts, NSA agents, and scientists admitting this.

I've seen enough UFOs and strange things myself, all denied by our government to exist, to know the US government seems anxious to keep certain things classified.

I would explain to them how really bad we taste.

"They is nasty creatures who don't taste good." Would be first. Then if said aliens seem unlikely to want us for food move on to our other redeeming qualities!

We are living things .Don't pay attention to those morons in Washington, DC.

We are a virus so keep us contained.

It begs the question: What was the fate of all the historically "discovered" people on our planet? It would seem that if "they" are anything like us, we do NOT want to be "visited" by aliens unless we want to be exploited and victimized.

About as well as an ant would be able to persuade you not to pour kerosene into their nest and set it on fire.

We would be pests that needed to be eradicated.

LOL