The last time I faced death I almost gave in to his final bit of grooming.
It came with the realization that I was tired and hopeless and have been for going on two decades. Things had been just as bad or worse my entire life but I had the energy and fight of youth to carry me through.
The point is that after surviving my starter heart attack it seemed I barely had the energy to keep my autonomous internal functions working.
I told Death that he was right, we were always fated to be together, even though I had refused to see it, as all fear of death fleas like darkness from the light.
Then I saw it, Death had waited so long, he could wait some more. By no longer giving energy to fear of death I experienced a quickening. Thereβs a spirit of hope and introspection that seems to be coming like a tidal wave.
Iβm back to a healthy βCatch me if you can Deathβ but cheerfully now instead of fearfully.
Iβm sorry, sometimes I like to write self absorbed prose, but diaries are so nineteenth century.
Having almost bled to death four years ago, I also had a thought. I am here to learn what I can to observe the world, Nature and become one with it. I do not fear death, I do not want to die painfully. I feel that I have not learned all that I have to learn, and so I do what can to listen, read, and pursue knowledge. I have little time to waste, and I have no time for assholes.
I do not fear death if it has no pain. I am aware of death bringing a present sense of unfinished business into the picture. Your daily routine is the business you will miss and it will become unfinished. Supernatural believers think this is some big form of energy. I say it is all in your head.
Thank you for sharing and glad to hear you're energy is coming back.
You know the scary thing about death for me is dying in a Christian country! Because they will keep you alive when nature is trying to take peacefully!!!!! Th pain of death scares me the most. My daughter has a pact with me. When quality of life is gone, she will help me take my own life peacefully (give me access to fentinyl?)
Nothing fucking sick Christians can do about it
100%, dead on right. "amen"
I fear death and I don't mind admitting it. It's why I think bringing children into this world is immoral and cruel. Growing old and dying is an indescribably terrible thing, and the moment of death must be sheer terror.
I believe that's how everybody thinks about it if they're being honest with themselves.
I actually also saw death last night, I also saw trump trying to grab her pussy, then I woke up, all I could say was, wow what a fucking nightmare, not because I saw death's vagina but because trump was gonna stay one more day as POTUS in that horrible dream!
I like it. There's no point living in fear of death, just the same as there is no evading it. However, there's a lot to be said for avoiding it as long as you can.
I have a hypothesis that people who get older live longer.
Wiser as well.
Well, at least some of us.
I look back on the past 60 years and consider all of the times I cheated death and I realize that it was often more a case of catch and release. Eventually I may be worth keeping but for today I will enjoy the fresh air in my lungs and the desire to appreciate another beautiful sunrise. Come tomorrow.
I find it iteresting that you describe death as a "he". Every time I came close to death, it always appeared as a woman. The same woman every time in fact, and quite beautiful. Thanks for sharing
Glad you are alive!
Diaries are not 19th century. As a published author, I keep a journal.
I love immediate feedback.