Growing up, my brother’s experiences within our family was very different to my experience in the same household. His value was not in his appearance or skin and mine was.
Josh Weed’s viewpoint on twitter:
Is our world wide Patriarchal society at the root of this? Of course it is.
What were your experiences?
Patriarchal societies worked better in ancient times, although in a harsh way, because other tribes, marauders, and basically anyone who wanted your "stuff" did their best to take it. This is one of the reasons women and child were also considered property or "stuff". The stronger your tribe and discipline, the more likely your family and tribe would survive.
That has mostly changed over the years to a more cooperative way of living with each other, men, women, and children. The patriarchal attitude has now become a detriment and a cause of harm in most societies.
Those who still adhere to ancient holy books are a major problem for progress.
You may enjoy the book: The Republican Brain: The Science of Why They Deny Science--and Reality by Chris Mooney
I'm not going to be much help because I'm an only child. I was brought up by a flamboyant father steady mother until my father's drinking became unbearable. He was a bootlegger and nightclub owner in a dry state. I was told to do as I say not as I do but I was also told I could do anything. The only thing my father ever told me I could not do was trim a horse's hooves and of course I showed him that I could. I couldn't stand up straight for about 2 hours afterwards but I did it.
I'm so old that schools would not allow us to wear jeans to school. When I started college I decided to be a phys ed teacher so I could wear jeans and shorts to work.
Somehow it must have been instilled in me that the way women dress affected the behavior of men. In my twenties I was at a nightclub with a boyfriend who was sitting beside me. We were sitting in the aisle with our backs to the aisle and some drunk staggered by and stuck his hand down my dress. I immediately felt ashamed and ran and got my coat,so yes even though I don't remember anyone telling me that the way I dressed gave me a responsibility regarding how men acted. I was always very careful to make sure that I never showed any cleavage. In fact I am sure I was not showing any cleavage that night. I still feel uncomfortable in any dress that shows anything even now.
There were just two of us, my brother and I, and we were a little over 10 years apart in age. I was the experiment, I was the baby born into their poverty and he was the baby born into more affluence. They loved us both dearly and we were both wanted, but they were far more relaxed in their parenting style by the the time my brother came along. He never got told "We can't afford that." He seldom got told No. He got to enjoy independence I never, ever experienced. When I argued or defended my position, it was considered "back talk." When he threw an outright fit, he was "expressing himself." I think that sums up our respective upbringings.
I always had a high aptitude for the arts and literature. My mother always discouraged me from pursuing anything involving my natural talents, and her reason was because those fields were "too competitive." What was implied was that I would not be able to handle that and would inevitably fail. So I never found out if I could have made it in a field I loved. Instead, she kept pushing the idea of developing secretarial skills, all of which I truly sucked at, so that I would have some sort of guaranteed vocation. I realize her goal was to make sure I had some kind of security, at least in a way that made sense to her from her generational standpoint, but I spent a lifetime doing menial and thankless customer service and reception jobs, because I never was really any good at anything "secretarial" and the competition for those jobs was also high. My brother was told he could do or be anything. He is making loads of money now and I'm living so far below the poverty level that I don't know how long I will be able to stay in my own home.
@MsHoliday I think this attitude impacted my generation a whole lot - the idea that we'd all marry and have security. Then the 1970s came along. I had this idyllic childhood that didn't come close to preparing me for all the selfish, manipulative dirtbags who would consider my amiable, nurturing, generous, compliant personality to be the perfect foil.
Interesting ideas. Seems to make sense.
@MsHoliday I agree. The system encourages everyone to play their prescribed roles.