My brother married a Mormon woman and converted around age 22. He treated the religion enthusiastically and devotionally. At age 69 his daughter was killed by a redneck husband (the girl married daddy's value system) and five months later his wife died during cancer surgery on her shoulder. My brother pressed on for another year but killed himself, on his 71st birthday, by calling police so they could watch him blow his head open in the front yard. I have no desire to worship such a being for a moment, let alone eternity, and hope it exists so I can look it in the face and say, "Fuck you."

Absolutely

The god of the bible is a psychotic arsehole, it amazes me that people who claim to love him cannot see this, but that does explain the crusades, the inquisition and the Catholic church's attitude to paedophile priests.
Like attracts like.

A God who would inflict such suffering is not loving. And one who would condemn human souls to eternal torment and torture would be a sadistic, unloving monster.

I agree, my mother slowly passed away in a hospital long term care unit, poor thing wanted to come home, she had some dementia, and all kinds of things wrong with her heart, and circulation to her foot, and various other things, and became incapacitated they had her loaded with pain drugs and morphine, and she was hallucinating, and went into a staring trance, It was torture on me watching it , Yes to me gods don't exist, and It's not loving either, I call it sugar coated fairy tales and control It's worthless and the teachings are damaging, fear and ignorance I think about the Holocaust in world war two, and that pretty much answers the question about any loving god, sorry about your situation, hope things get better, i know what you are going through, I have been through that myself.time will heal things, for me it did, but it is always there. I had to move on after I lost my mother. good luck to you.

I feel you.