Don't change a thing, get back with me when you're 62.
I want to know if you get tired of it.

@Willow_Wisp Agreed. I also think that being happy alone stuff is nonsense. Life is completely unimportant and fun experiences are the only mitigating factors to a life of pain and misery. Without someone to share them with or reminisce about them with they are utterly useless to me. What am I going to do, go on vacation by myself, be sad and alone there with no one to do activities with, then remember the experience of being sad and alone in a different country instead of sad and alone at home? Who the fuck needs that? And how is any of that better than just being dead where you can't feel sad or alone, ever?

@JeffMurray I'm down with leaving, but I have to be escorted out, I refuse to break the door myself. I attempted suicide once in the early 80's but I had a ball in the early 90's very enjoyable. I hurt more now, but unless it gets so bad I feel compelled to Robin Williams it. I promised myself that if I kill myself I have to beat myself to death with a very small hammer. I want to see how some things come out. Like I want to see Trump in an orange jumpsuit. When I'm dead it won't matter, and probably really doesn't while I'm alive, but I want to see it. If I get shot or have a heart attack before then, great!

@Willow_Wisp I can't regret not seeing Trump in prison, not that any part of me thinks he'll do a single minute of time for all of the horrible, borderline-treasonous things he's done, if I'm dead, and I don't think the amount of suffering I'll experience in the interim would be worth it even if he did. I have no bucket list. I have no reason I want to stay alive. I only seem to have a strong enough aversion to suicide that I'm stuck here still. As my circumstances worsen or my barriers are alleviated, I assume I'll reach a point where this is no longer the case.

@JeffMurray
That's disheartening. I completely understand where you're coming from but I can not and will not go down that path.
I've been a victim all my life, how appropriate that I should be one at the end.

@Willow_Wisp Would you be a victim, or a champion advocating for the cessation of suffering?

@JeffMurray I'm no champion, never was, never will be. If I'm suffering enough I might go, but the I'm all alone blues aren't the kind of suffering I'd off myself for. Physically my discomfort is mild to moderate unless having a migraine or I pull a muscle or something. Sure my knuckles hurt with arthritis or it's kin but overall and considering my age I still think that in a pinch I can defend myself. When that's not true and my body is hurting all over, I'll have no reason to stay. I'm not there yet. However; I certainly fall into the nihilist category.
Like I was married for 14 years to someone becoming progressively more right-wing. Which clearly indicates I'm the sort of person that will watch a porn video all the way to the end, not for pleasure, but just to see how everything turns out....

@Willow_Wisp My woes are certainly not limited to "I'm all alone" but they sure doesn't help. At this point, however, it seems as though if I like someone enough to want to date them, I probably like them too much to inflict myself on them. Ideally someone with more technical ability and motivation to do anything will create a dating site for suicidal people. Not that I'd find someone there, but at least it would seem like it was possible again.

I sense that about you.
We're a bit like Friedrich Nietzsche before he went insane.
I hope your passing is swift, silent, and painless, when your time comes.
I wish the same for myself.
I only stick around because occasionally this world still offers some measure of pleasure, it's just rare and unlikely. I no longer have delusions of closure or resolution to life's questions.
I think being turned down for HRT is the last straw, having a heart attack will destroy a trans persons dreams.
No need to rush the inevitable, but yep I frequently just go off alone and bitch at everyone from afar, where they don't know. I'd do it up close and personal but then they'd interrupt me.