I wish I knew cause I need to move on also. Sorry for what you are going through

You just described almost every dating scenario I’ve dealt with in the past ten years! I wish I had the answers for you but I have trouble moving on as well. I think it’s an empathetic vs apathetic situation. Why empaths are drawn to these people is beyond me! Just stay strong. There’s nothing you can change if the person is incapable of emotions.

I am the one incapable of emotional expression, although my ex wife is the same.
In subsequent relationships I have found myself at my wits end trying to deal with emotional partners, it frustrates me, why can't they use logic to over ride their feelings and accept things how they are. My biggest frustration is where they have really stuffed me around, then broken off the relationship, there is usually significant dishonesty involved on their part, even cheating, yet they express anger at me for not being upset enough about the split.

People like that are cowards. You let that go, why would you want to be with an emotional cripple ?
Sounds like a narcissist. They don't have the ability to bond. You start over and not give them a thought.

I completely utterly totally feel your pain. I have no advice, just cry, let yourself feel and be kind to yourself.

i just recently left a three year relationship with a fellow who was like this probably 98% of the time. in three years, i only saw him get angry enough to show it once, and heard about and saw the aftermath of another episode only once. both times he was drunk. he went from almost catatonic to violent in seconds. when i was in labor with our son, he sat in a chair across the room and messaged people on his phone only glancing up a few time. he spends time with our son, but never engages him much more than a hello and then he turns on a tablet for him and gets back on his phone. eventually found out he had been sleeping with a few of my friends who live in my apartments. one was my best friend of 15 years. when i confronted him about it, he let me say what i had to say, which started out pretty calm but ended up kinda loud (i have a temper) and then just sat there. i eventually asked him why. i had told him from the very beginning that if he didnt want the same thing as i did in the relationship to please just say so, then we could be cool, we could go our separate ways, still be friends, co-parent, no worries. he never gave me a very good answer. the best i got was he figured i knew about it already, and since i hadnt mentioned it, he figured it was no big deal. which would have been fine if we hadnt already sat down and both laid out on the table what we wanted, what we were ok with, and what was grounds for a break up. anyhow, sorry thats so long, ill try to hurry this up a bit. in answer to your question of how do i deal with it, well for one, i guess i can't say i have no regrets, but im still glad i met him, if only because of our son. i probably should have left sooner tho. but you wanna know how ive been dealing with it? i gave myself 3 days, maybe a week, to mope and cry and say as many awful things as i could think of, not to him, but to myself or a close friend. then i made some mental lists. first i named off everything i could think of that sucked in my life at that moment. then the next list was for things that i could do to improve these crappy parts of my life, my health, my living situation, my finances, especially with a new baby. i came up with at least one solution to each problem, some of them depended on how well the other ones went, but i had a clear list of goals, all leading up to a big goal, moving away from this dreadful apartment complex. this took a long time to write, and it took even longer to plan out. it was late at night when i finished. i rewarded myself with a snack, went to bed, and as soon as i woke up, i started making calls. i got things started, and havent stopped since. it was so monumentally hard at first. but you keep going. you get up every day and find a way to improve yourself. eventually you think more about how to make things right with you, instead of always thinking about what went wrong with them. also, one of my goals i set that i think could apply to your situation, was to make sure you don't get lost in your head, go out, even if you have no destination, talk to people, see old friends, make new ones, but keep yourself busy. um ok, sorry again this was so long, but i hope you can maybe find something in it you can use.

It's a very common experience.
The only thing worth regretting and learning from is your own mistakes if any. That other person was never in your control.

You pretty much described my marriage.

Needless to say I’m divorced now.

When it comes to letting go and moving on I just take each day as it comes. I don’t expect anything from people unless it’s the same as I experienced which I am watchful of.

I guess it’s made me cynical. But that is a defence mechanism.

I learned about detachment and fought line hell to understand it. In the end, after divorcing a narcissist following a 20-year emotionally abusive relationship, id's been the combination of no contact, detachment, therapy, studying personality disorders and attachment theory, and being freakishly open about the abuse with a few safe, close friends and family that has helped. You do have to grieve the death of the relationship along with the loss of time spent in that place. It wasn't your fault. It dies not speak to your character as flawed, but theirs alone.

I dumped his ass.

Protip: if someone has only two emotions--happy and angry--run away.

I never was able to move on, my ex used to play with me, I loved her a lot and still she cheated, I found the truth by very very very ugly manners it was whrn I learned I had some psicopathic cualities, I suffered panic attacks and anxiety, I put all my heart into my past relationship but everything was a lie. it all happened because of a reason which was attention, I like the truth and sometimes I get more involved in projects, work, school, homework or even a small conversation. it was probably that I screwed up everything. however I usef to helped her on anything to let her know she was never alone. don't be afraid to let her go if she fucked someone else because you wanted a better future, just move on it hurts and like hell, but I found someone younger, better, she spends time with me, she calls me every moment just like I used to be. I believe you will find the rigth person later it took me 2 years to find my true love but I thing she will do the same thing becaus ef her age,( it is a damege that will not go away and youmust find a way to live with it)

People seem to be much more self centered and selfish these days.I'm feeling that most of the relationships that I have been in have had a birth, a life and a death to them. Have we all not been guilty of hanging on to something even after it's useful life has gone? Romance just seems to be like that. At least for me it has.

You just described the recent ending of my 17 year marriage. Dealing with this loss is a lot like dealing with a death in the family. It's as though the person I thought I knew died and was replaced by a monster.

I'm currently experiencing the heartbreak that comes with learning my bf has been cheating on me for months and months. I mean like, I already kind of knew (he was lying with the subtlety of a baboon) that he was sleeping around, but I didn't know he actually has another girlfriend! And that, to me, is almost worse, because it involves a level of intimacy and betrayal that "only" sex doesn't encompass. So this coward who betrayed me, lied to me, stringing me along, he gets his rocks off while I'm left feeling abandoned, worthless, ugly, etc. It fucking sucks. BAD. I don't know how to make sense of it, and sitting here alone ruminating about it makes me feel even worse. So I'm trying to do some things I've learned in therapy: 1. Someone suggested making yourself get out of the house, even without a destination. I couldn't agree more. 2. Meditation. I'm still at a point where I think meditation is dumb new-age bs, and I resist it, but I am seeing a few positive effects, even if I don't want to admit it. 3. Make the choice that feels better. I'm always tempted to make the choice that validates my anger, that cries to the world, "See, I'm right!!" but this choice actually makes me feel a whole lot worse. It adds drama and stress to an already hostile situation. Believe that your health and happiness is worth it. 4. "If you're being dragged, let go of the leash."

yes, 14 years. I felt like a live-in babysitter

I was with someone for 14 years who couldn't express emotion other than anger. Was highly manipulative. Had no empathy. And had no consideration for the needs of others. I just divorced him. We have children, so I can't just cut him out completely. I've gained a lot from going to therapy for the last two years. It's helping me through the transition. I'm a big fan of mindfulness.

I am convienced that relationships have an addictive quality to them and when they are taken away, we go into withdrawal! It takes time to gather ourself up and create a new life for ourselves. Keep reinventing yourself, because these breaks in our life, change us and if you play your cards just right...you will be wiser and happier, than you were before the breakup! Allow yourself the freedom to heal.

I think that we all year for a time to recreate the nest that we had at home, those relationships that seemed able to withstand everything except things that were truly evil. While our childhood ends in the blink of an eye, the proportion of certainties that we acquired at that time is very large and remains large. But as I get older it has begun to dawn on me that sturdy bonds and certainties are context-dependent. A friend will be with you for life. But we shy away from friendship in romance because we lack the imagination to dress up our friend in all the costumes that we would like to conjure up. We’re not honest, and we hope to earn our companion’s love. The bottom line is that you weren’t able to develop the closeness required to maintain and enjoy a truly rewarding relationship. Welcome to our club!

It’s so hard, at any age, But being older helps, because you’ve been there and know it will get better! If not there’s help out there! Use it! The biggest thing is feeling used,,, which leads to feelings of never really being loved,, which leads to a sens of unworthy feelings! But you weren’t the user,, so,,, the shame is not yours as long as your intentions were good ,, chalk it up to a life lesson! And keep busy, and it will,,,, pass!

You repeat the phrase, "Lucky escape" and remember the person who did it to you was probably bordering mentally ill for being so hurtful ..

You walk away .. if you can maybe you leave it so they can reach out but you protect you first.

Be good to yourself ... keep saying lucky escape ... because it was for you.. for them it could be arguably worse. As you may find a real bond where as they may never ! They may find someone in that same mindset and be okay with them so yeh ... lucky escape dude !! keep saying it

Mate you just described the last decade of my life, I wish I had an answer but I'm really struggling here.

Yes, and it was quite painful .

That describes me and my ex-wife. I must admit that as things deteriorated I let it go and did nothing, To her this was a sign that she was right. No, it's called not communicating. I do have regrets but I'm also well aware that it was for the best and I don't want to be in that situation again. If we ever ended up together again it would have to be without marriage. Have I moved on? What am I supposed to "move on" to?

Sorry I've never willingly gotten into one of those relationships. Lol. Wait... Did you find that out after the fact?

I believe, It's happening as I write this. Oh well, life is about growth and growth involves change