Bullies. We have all had experience with them.
Tellme a time when you felt bullied or even better, when you bullied someone.
I have seen it on this site. And every day in the Trump news. I wonder what leads someone to become a bully but mostly how can we deal with it.
I was bullied a lot as a kid because my mother was a JW and I had to go to that cult until I was 13 and was biblically free to choose my own path to Atheism, being bullied in hindsight was one of the few good things that came out of being forced to go to the Kingdom Hall. I realized early on that I would either learn to stand my ground or become the neighbourhood punching bag. I got in a lot of fights at school, protestants and catholics would set aside their differences to beat the crap out of the JW kid, I was even carried physically out of the school yard once so that 6 kids could kick the shit out of me off school property as that was taboo.
I gained 4 broken noses over the years and more bruises than I can count but I stood my ground and when I couldn't beat them physically I learned to beat them mentally in class and on the playground, humiliation is a powerful weapon and I was lucky to be smarter than the average bear. Eventually, I managed to get the worst of the bullies to leave me alone by making pacts with them to stop pummeling me with their fists if I stopped making them look like laughing stocks in the classroom, the others I managed to earn a grudging respect from. It was a long and painful road but I feel better for it than if I had followed my older brother's path; I was a fighter and he was a runner, in the end he ran back to the JW's which is a sad thing in itself.
So I dealt with bullies by fighting back even when there was no way for me to win the battle but I knew that if I stuck with it I would win the war. I think bullying made me a stronger person but I wouldn't wish that baptism by fire on my own kids.
It can be subtle. It can be silent. It's not always whispers, gossip, stares, and slander.
It can be no talking, no touching, no eye contact.
It can be your teammates never passing you the ball. For three years.
It can be an entire school avoiding you. No one volunteering to be your partner or have you in their group--ever, year after year. People going out of their way to not have to have contact with you.
It can happen in college. At the workplace. At the bar. Anywhere.
It can be done by anyone. Nice people. Normal people. "Good kids". "Upstanding citizens".
Nine out of ten are going to mimic their peers to safeguard their social standing. "Weird" people are highly likely to be ridiculed, ignored, avoided. Once that starts, nearly everyone else will follow suit. No one wants to be exposed. No one wants to lose face.
Think it wouldn't be you? You're probably wrong.
I got bullied a lot growing up. What I've never understood is, if you've ever BEEN bullied, why would you ever turn around and do it to anyone else? I've never wanted to bully anyone. I know how painful it can be to receive it.
Some of my being bullied involved property damage and police reports. If the bully does not remember, we could probably pull up the police file to refresh their memory. (;
I get what you mean, though... Brusies can take longer to fade for those who received them.
Every day in the trump news. What does that mean?
@Akfishlady Do you think insulting Trump is bullying. Or is that kind of bullying ok?
Bullying to combat bullies only feeds the toxic cycle. We can't say bullying is wrong and then advocate bullying.
I bought a few acres on an island a couple of years ago and I built a house on it, the problem is with a right of way across one corner of my property that services a group of 13 houses about a kilometer away on the other side of the island. The people who live down the road used to use my driveway as a shortcut instead of using the right of way which also has a gravel road on it but my driveway was easier to use so they had grown used to using it. I didn't bother about it until my lumber package was delivered and the driver dropped it in the driveway, some of the people down the road threatened to sue me for blocking their right of way, I explained it was my driveway and they had a right of way already. They called in a surveyor and he confirmed that what I had told them was the truth, this just made them angry as they were now out of pocket $1,000 for the surveyor. I put up a sign asking them not to drive on my driveway and to please slow down, they stole the sign including the post the next day. Then they fabricated lies about me saying I was a dead beat builder from Florida who had stiffed some people on a subdivision, similar name and age but a totally different guy, I was amazed at how many people on FB share my name. Next one of them got drunk on a Friday night and threw a rock through the window of my motorhome which I was using as my site office and toilet while I built the house. Easy enough to find out who did it if you live on an island where everybody talks, he denied it of course. They called the Fire department on me several times when I was burning construction refuse with a permit until finally the Fire Chief threatened to charge them the next time the volunteer fire department was called out on a nuisance call = $5000 fine. They called the building inspector for deficiencies that weren't there, I'm a master builder and a licensed building inspector myself, another warning for wasting his time too. They even had the local mayor call the electrical utility and have them delay my electrical service hook up. Finally they sent me a 'scare letter' threatening me with legal action if I didn't give up my driveway to them, it's my only access to my house, I told the ambulance chaser to either sue or go away, he went away.
Throughout this bullying the police were no help at all, a civil matter but what has come out of this is that they have learned that they cannot bully me into getting their way, I have been steadfast throughout and have earned a grudging respect from these people. It turns out that they have bullied other people in the past, driven people to move off the island and basically made people's lives a living hell in order to get their way. Bullying doesn't work with me, it just makes me dig in deeper, a bit of civility would have got them a lot further. As a result of the surveyor's work it is also clear that the legal right of way access road is not in the right position and I am meeting with them next month in order to discuss how to resolve it, I own heavy equipment so they may just find their access road closed because of their behavior. 13 to 1, even odds in my book, it's been a battle of wits with a group of unarmed opponents.
Would you be surprised to hear that the ringleaders were all member of the local fundamentalist christian church?
In middle school, when I was coming into myself, I was bullied so much that I started bullying them first. I was so sick of everyone that I started acting like a bad person. Eventually I stopped doing that, but I was still bullied profusely. I ended up dropping out of high school and going to the alternative learning center, because I hated my classmates so much I began thinking unspeakable things. Once I left I realized how much better life can be, and it was good for me. I wish I had dropped out much sooner and gone to the alternative school faster.
I went to an alternative high school as well, best thing ever but I had to fight tooth and nail to get there as the regular system didn't want to lose me, thought it was a brain drain on the regular system. It was, the alternative school was full of the artistic people and the intellectuals, they used to call us back to help them with their theatre productions and for the academic contests. Same asshole bullies were still there, they still hated us but they couldn't lift a finger.
@Surfpirate the stigma that alternative learning centers are for people unable to fit in with normal people is really destructive. People treat it like its for abnormally stupid or criminals or pregnant teenage hookers, but its actually a better environment than general education.
@LadyAlyxandrea General education is only good for average students and barely prepares a person for life. If a person is in any way different then the general system will only knock them down. I had friends who were too smart for the system and they would be done with their studies before lunch and then get high for the rest of the day, just coast through the day. I knew really creative students that just went through the motions in class, their real education was after class, school just got in the way. The social side of regular school is even worse, they just want you to conform. So if people don't understand alternative education its because they aren't cut out for it and they debase anything they don't understand. Their problem and not mine - or yours for that matter.
"Hit first, hit hard, hit often" --- Jack Reacher ---
Bullies usually have a henchman or two, always fake like you are going for one of them first, then when the bully moves in for the sucker punch you can usually catch him in the throat or the solar plexus, the nose is good too but anything down the centerline works well. Then hit him again, a kick in the head or the face usually works and keeps you on your feet, the henchmen usually run.
Defined - Bullying is the use of force, threat, or coercion to abuse, intimidate or aggressively dominate others.
I argue my point - I hope that isn't taken as bullying.
@Donotbelieve Seems incorrigible.