Holiday Blues Depression? I'm curious if anyone else feels these annual blues kick in? Do you just let the depression resolve itself when the weather changes?

This is a long post - sorry - it helps me to write things out. If depressing subjects isn't your thing, then scroll on by. Happy for advice from anyone else who suffers from holiday blues though.

I know myself, so I know to expect some self loathing and depression during the holidays. It happens every year, and so I do what I can to just go with it, with faith that I'll return to normal come January 1st.

I give in to my self destructive behavior for a month or so. My body can handle that. Someday, maybe I'll be able to get through the holidays without all the sadness and disregard for self care, but I give myself a pass due to personal grief during that time.

So, I always look forward to January 1st, the day of new beginnings, a re-invention of my better self.

Sadly, that hasn't happened for me yet this year. I was all geared to get a head start on my happy new year, but I hit a bump, which set me back a few days in my "new start" so I'm thinking now, that will be January 8th or 9th before I'll start my self love and care toward getting back to the me I like to be.

Giving myself a deadline for my blues usually helps, but this year, I'm going to delay that deadline. I like to envision a light at the end of the tunnel.

I used to attribute it to Seasonal Affective Disorder, which might still be the case even though I live in Hawaii now. I still just stay indoors during the holidays and only get out for my walk or bike ride as the sun is going down. I'm still dealing with the same personal memories and the anniversaries of the deaths of people close to me, along with feelings of deficiency that I can't seem to be the happy jolly person around the holidays people expect, though I do try. I tell people in advance not to expect that of me and that has helped immensely with my feelings of deficiency in the "Joy" department.

This year, I made the mistake of spending a few hours on NYE with my covert narcissist ex-bf, out of pity that he was all alone while I always have a good seat at the best party in town. All fine and good, until the next day when the nasty emails started up again - there's a reason he's my ex.

So in addition to my usual holiday funk, I had this personal drama to suck the joy out of my life for a few more days. I'm so looking forward to getting out of this funk within the next week and back to my usual happy outlook in life. I'm just lamenting that it's taking longer than usual this year.

I will need to do some healthy remedial work to get back there this year with better diet, exercise, more sunshine, etc., but not today. It's raining, but also, I'm just not feeling the "self care" just yet. Gotta get over feeling stupid first. I have faith that I'll feel better in a few days time.