I understand can well understand the fear but seriously, a 15 minute rant probably says more about the general underlying frustrations in the life of the parent.

@ASTRALMAX Time is relevant. For the parent 15 minutes would seem faster than it would for the child. The underlying frustration could come from the higher expectations the parent had if the child knew of potential dangers beforehand.

Another example would be if an affair was discovered, then hurt and betrayal would be the motivation for the "rant".

My point is...The original question is vague and without context so, unless the motivation for the "rant" is known and how the emotions are triggered, we don't know if 15 minutes is unreasonable or not.

@Betty Fair point.

@ASTRALMAX Thank you.

Thank you. She and I have a lot of work to do to repair bridges.

I wanted to distance it from me. I was on the receiving end. My accuser was making all sorts of false accusations about how I was behaving towards somebody else, this based on her own ignorance of how I manage my own issues.

@anglophone Making an accusation without first asking questions and giving the accused an opportunity to answer is an abuse of power.

Accusations should never be made without investigation and that means getting both/all sides of the story.

@anglophone Thank you. That's as much context as I need. My thoughts are as follows:

Are we or do we aspire to be mature, caring and compassionate adults? If not, one will get little of my time. If we are, is telling someone off for 15 minutes even appropriate to begin with? I expect in almost all or even all circumstances there is a better approach. Much depends upon what you want to accomplish. If you're trying to solve a problem, which you probably should be, a calm, rational discussion of what has occurred followed by a discussion of how it might have been handled better will be most effective.

But instead you say you allowed your accuser 15 minutes of your time for their purposes which included misinformation and hearsay but denied you equal airtime in response. It is an abuse of power in that it is not the approach of a mature, caring and compassionate adult, but it is power that they were not entitled to in the first place because what should have been a discussion turned out to be only one sided. I would learn something about this person from this experience and not honor them further with my time at least without some rules in place first, especially if the issues at hand are none of their business. I would also handle any outstanding issues directly with the affected party.

@LovinLarge Thank you. The somebody else (the affected party) was not affected in any way - I had at the time and I have continued to behave politely towards her. I am about to start a dialogue with my accuser that may go some way towards addressing the underlying issue, which issue I see as my accuser having an overly high opinion of her own abilities to manager personal relationships, particularly relationships between other people.

@anglophone What is your goal in taking that on?

@LovinLarge I have multiple goals. My accuser is also my boss. I think I shocked her when I cut off all personal relationships between her and me (a relationship built up over 15 years), but the working relationship has endured. I wish to make the working relationship less stressful for me, and it may become less stressful for her. I also wish to acknowledge her recent efforts in trying to re-build the personal relationship. I wish to learn more about the way she thinks and the way she emotes. I also wish to grow myself as a person.

That is a long answer to your short question.

@anglophone I hope she is deserving of the credit you're giving her. Her desire to manage personal relationships between other people is concerning. But your goals are admirable and I would lead with them if I were you so she knows from the outset that you are well intended.

I remain concerned that you may expect to be treated as her equal even though at least in your profession capacities that is not the case. I have seen the development of personal relationships with people from work go awry even though no one wanted that. I might think about this for awhile, perhaps let a little time pass before proceeding.

@LovinLarge The trigger event happened last July. It has taken this long for things to develop this far. My wife sees a small streak of misandry in her, so I need to tread warily. I will lead with those principles by inference from what I plan to communicate to her my today. I had a personal relationship with her before the professional relationship. (For the avoidance of doubt, that was never any sort of physical relationship.)

@anglophone Yes, I would largely go with your gut on this one since you know her so well. I take your point that it has gone on a long time already and needs to be attended to. Successfully resolving it could mean good things for both of you. Maybe even opening up the dialogue alone will be helpful. Maybe it's even necessary, given the ongoing professional relationship.

I think you've got exactly the right attitude going in, in order to be successful. Since you were friendly once, it's possible again. I'm sorry I haven't been able to be any help, but I do believe you can make a success of this and that it is worth the effort.

@LovinLarge Believe it or not, you have helped me, for which I thank you. You have given me confidence that I am taking an appropriate approach.

@anglophone Because the relationships we build during our lifetimes are the greatest treasure we can accumulate, there should be no limit to how much effort we are willing to invest in them. You have the personal skills to put the issues on the table and work toward resolution. I think you would regret it if you didn't try. Thank you for sharing this experience with me.