What The Fuck Bible Passages
So I have decided to find wtf bible passage, write them down and break down what happens in them! So, here we go.
Genesis 9. 18 20-27
20 Noah, a man of the soil, proceeded[a] to plant a vineyard. 21 When he drank some of its wine, he became drunk and lay uncovered inside his tent. 22 Ham, the father of Canaan, saw his father naked and told his two brothers outside. 23 But Shem and Japheth took a garment and laid it across their shoulders; then they walked in backward and covered their father’s naked body. Their faces were turned the other way so that they would not see their father naked.
24 When Noah awoke from his wine and found out what his youngest son had done to him, 25 he said,
“Cursed be Canaan!
The lowest of slaves
will he be to his brothers.”
26 He also said,
“Praise be to the Lord, the God of Shem!
May Canaan be the slave of Shem.
27 May God extend Japheth’s[b] territory;
may Japheth live in the tents of Shem,
and may Canaan be the slave of Japheth.”
So... let's break what happened down. First Noah planted his vineyard and then got shit faced and passed out naked in his tent. Sounds like a normal Friday night to me. Then his poor son Ham walks in and sees his old man with all his bits hanging out, that must be traumatic, and basically goes 'nope' and tells his brothers Shem and Japheth. So his brothers put a blanket on their shoulders and walk into their dads tent backwards and cover him so as to not see his bits, kinda sounds like they've done this before!
Then old man Noah wakes up, and somehow seems to mystically know that his youngest didn't cover him. And it words it like 'what he had done to him', but he didn't do anything. Except give his father some privacy and notify his brothers of an humerous situation involving their dear old man. So, logically Noah says,
'Curse Ca'naan the son of Ham! I shall make him the lowest of slaves to his brothers! And praise be to Shem and Japheth, let Ca'naan be their slave.'
... So... he forces his grandson into slavery for his son who did nothing except accidently walk in on him while he was passed out drunk!?
WHAT THE FUCK!
5
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Here's another WTF bible passage: the talking ass (donkey) of Numbers 22:28.
Heraclitus
Level 8
May 7, 2018
0
Reminds me of King Lear disinheriting his daughter Cordelia just for refusing to lie to him.
Heraclitus
Level 8
May 7, 2018
0
This absurd shit dwarfs below 2 Kings 8:12 and 3 other bible verses by the alleged god Jehovah ordering violent abortions of thousands of women and rewarded genocidal war criminals to rape :"virgins for yourselves"
GreenAtheist
Level 8
May 7, 2018
1
Amos 1:13 "rip open the bellies of pregnant women"....no where in the bible does it read WOMEN ARE SLAVES TO PREGNANCY and medical abortions are sinful
It's been suggested that Ham had his way with drunken Noah, which is why his dad blew his cork when he woke up. Trouble is, that reminds me of trying to peek into Little Red Riding Hood's basket and debating what goodies she took to granny's house. Conjecture in the face of a morality tale that remains couched in the murk of past millennia remains an exercise in pedantic frippery. 
Karen916
Level 6
May 3, 2018
1
The passage states that he walked in and saw it turned around and left and told his brothers. It doesn't say he did anything else.
@Cha It depends which bible you read. But.. yeah
@tryingcake And there lies the major flaw of religion and it's writings. With so many different versions how are you supposed to interpret any of it?
@Cha exactly
Good list.
BUUUTTTT:: I really wish the word "fuck" would not be used in these contexts. Fucking is too good for these people.
JacarC
Level 8
May 3, 2018
2
Yeah I just like swearing! XD
Yeah I just like swearing! XD
@Cha redundancy always proves the point.
This is excellent!!! As a kid in Sunday school the version of this story was totally twisted. We were told Ham walked in on naked Noah, then ran out to his brothers "making fun of his father's wrinkled old ass" So, they demonize Ham and assume he was being disrespectful.
Never once did the preachers and teachers discuss the consequences of getting drunk!
PhillipSEE
Level 6
May 3, 2018
2
Yeah, funny how they change it to be less wtf when they need it to be. But this passage, I took it straight from the bible in my religion class!
@Cha most preachers AND RABBIs won't tell you either that the act of giving testimony originated from bible tradition to swear by sacred testicles NEVER TO BE EXPOSED TO LIGHT OF DAY. ...Noah was protecting his naked scrotum from covenant curses like the one YHWH killed an innocent bystander for catching the arc of the same covenant from falling to dirty ground
@GreenAtheist Very interesting!
Would you expect anything else from someone who decides to build a giant boat and fill it full of animals, then crash into a mountain?
Holysocks
Level 8
May 3, 2018
0
That is true, but still, the gap in logic is just... just... Religion why!?
@Cha
A basic fear of the unknown, and a bit of brainwashing and tithing/bribery goes a long way.
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