Source Facebook " Weird pictures and everything"

Catholic elementary school kids were asked questions about
the Old and New Testaments. The following statements about the bible were written by children. They have not been retouched or corrected (i.e., incorrect spelling has been left in).

1. In the first book of the bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating
   stuff, so he took the Sabbath off.
2. Adam and Eve were made from an apple tree. Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark. Noah built an ark, which the animals come on to with pears.
3. Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, and a ball of fire at night.
4. The Jews were a proud people and all through history they had
   disagreements with the Genitals.
5. Samson was a strong man who let himself be led stray by a Jezebel like Delilah.
6. Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the Apostles.
7. Moses led the hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients
8. The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to find the ten ammendments.
9. The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat an apple.
10. The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.
11. Moses died before he ever got to America. Then Joshua led the hebrews in the battle of Geritol.
12. The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to
    stand still and he obeyed him.
13. David was a hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought
    with the Finklesteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times.
14. Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives. It must have been nag, nag, nag all day long.
15. When Mary heard that she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.
16. When the three wise guys from the east side arrived, they found Jesus in the manager.
17. Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.
18. St. John the blacksmith dumped water on his head.
19. Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before they do one to you. He also explained, a man doth not live by dread alone.
20. It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.
21. The people who followed the lord were called the 12 decibels.
22. The epistles were the wives of the apostles.
23. One of the opossum was St. Matthew who was also a taximan.
24. St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony,
    which is another name for marriage.
25. Christians have only one mate. That is called monotony.