This post is undoubtedly selfish. i joined this community in late 2017. I've been around here a little while and want to say that many of the members here have become friends of the online sort, and even a few who i might consider less "rosy", but i suppose that's healthy too.
So I'm gonna take advantage and say my say. Perhaps so some may understand where im coming from. There is some stuff here about my life's living and searching and hopefully where i am today. there are some thoughts about what i have experienced in this community and difficulties with "belief" and the lack of it. very much my own take on it, my opinion. I'm quite confident some will share some, perhaps not much, however, like I said, it is a selfish endeavor. Please accept that i intend no offense, but it could happen. but that's beside the point.
I grew up in a smallish town, in the south, bible belted from the crib. a very literal, conservative strain of the traditions here, Church of Christ. it's funny now thinking about the things that make one "denomination" distinct from another. no dancing, no instrumental music, observing communion every week vs. monthly or special occasions etc. gotta keep an eye on how short those skirts get. if you get close enough to measure with a ruler, you get a better look.
Not to get all scrambled up I'll try and say this simply. In all the years thru that life, despite how hard I tried, i never experienced any "connection" to god. i amost became convinced i was somehow "broken" or not "given" to the effort. I thought i saw that connection all around me, in friends, my community, even in some unsavory, non-churchgoer types in town thru a fear they seemed to carry. i could see what i wanted, as i still do if I'm true to it.
i put myself through all the standard tribulations of alcohol and such, got pissy, wanted to feel mistreated, but honestly if my folks had raised some other way it would mean they didn't care. they have always been the most giving sharing people. Patient, generous, loving, supportive, brave, all that stuff kids need from somewhere, they still are and i can trust will be.
i can't explain, how but i negotiated those paths without becoming a "pretending believer", just to belong, nor a dismissive short sighted type dedicated to destroying other's faith because its not for me. An incredibly selfish thing some will try. i do not yet know. it is of no matter now anyway, I'm here, wherever that is.
My experience here on the site makes me want to say this stuff. Some won't like it i figure. Practicing science is being just smart enough to grasp that you've been wrong all along. Searching, expecting evidences for or against gods existence is as stupid as it gets. it's remarkable many can't/won't get that. bright inquisitive folks stuck and determined to stay stuck until forever. If you're gonna go with lack of evidence as proof of no god, you are bound to endless wandering in a land of fear and denials. i know you may wish to tell it to yourself, but my opinion is different. you can't/won't accept that you aren't given the assurities of Halloween candy, and xmas morning.
So, what is god? who knows? it don't matter. god is not necessarily any "mind", any "entity", not some fiction we've dreamed up to organize our social constructs, justify our lives, to make everything matter. we would be better off perhaps realizing we don't have and will not have an understanding of "god" in its most simple form. thats just dumb, kinda arrogant really.
that's enough for tonight. maybe more another time. I'm kinda tuckered. sleep well and wake better.