wow glad your back. my friend had a defibrillator rather than a pacemaker and it did him just fine for what its worth.

Dear Warrior, I hope you physically recover. It's sounds like a nasty condition you went through which would sends shivers up anyones spine.
Even if you believe in god that's OK but the god now portrayed by pope francis is no a punitive god. The word 'sin' will probably be replaced by 'learning experience'.
Good luck.

You are not being punished love, you have had a tough time. You got through it because you have resilience. Be strong and move forward. This is your life, it belongs to no one else. Be grateful for modern science that brought you through these testing times and live now.

There's no god..you are in charge of your own life. Sadly, you've apparently been conditioned to believe otherwise and that somehow an evil god is "punishing" you.

The blood-thirsty, revengeful Hebrew god of the Bible is modeled after the Sumerian leader, "Anu" from the Sumerian texts, written 2000 years before the Bible was written, but has the same stories, with similar names of the Bible characters, but from the perspective of aliens who say they genetically engineered human from mixing their DNA with that of human apes, to make workers for the gold mines.

The origins of human beings according to ancient Sumerian texts [ancient-origins.net]?

This video shows that details of the story of Jesus have appeared in dozens of ancient god myths..virgin birth with a god for a father, miracles, walking on water, being crucified, rising from the dead..since Horos, the Egyptian god of the sun. It's all based on the constellations, i.e., the three stars in Orion's belt are called the "three kings," the Virgo constellation is the "virgin" in the story, etc.

The REAL Truth About Religion And Its Origins

It's good to have you back

If you are so religious why are you crying on this site ? Your brain and kitty are intact, make use of them and start enjoying life for a change. For things to change, you must change. Stop whining and do something about it ?

Seems an odd site to post this view, I wish you well... The other responses have both put well what I see as reality while presenting meaningful ways of handling the truth, it’s worth serious contemplation, all the best.

Only you can clear your mind of this sad thinking and look forward to the rest of your life as a time for happiness, not fear.The vast majority of the people on this site do not have any beliefs in gods or future punishment or even sin.You are not obliged to forgive those who have wronged you. If you feel you can't forgive, try to put your hard feelings to one side and concentrate on the good things in your life.We all have parts of ourselves that we feel are less lovable than other parts but the best thing to do is to work on them where possible and ignore them otherwise.If it turns out that there is no god and no afterlife, as most of us here believe, you will have wasted the precious life that you have left worrying about it. If your god does exist, he will forgive you. It's his job.

Religion will identify you as a "sinner" when in fact what you are is a "human".

Religion is all about withholding, or threatening to withhold, love in order to control your thinking and behavior. And by implication, it's about devaluing you as a human being.

I am so sorry you have been conditioned to think and feel this way about yourself, on top of all the practical problems and suffering that you've endured. I can tell you that you're as worthy as anyone of respect and love and kindness, but I cannot make you believe it.