My parents are very religious. You can't go five feet in their apartment without seeing something religious. Coming home is always a bad idea. I think I miss this place, and them, till I get here. And then I see the neighborhood and feel nauseous. And I'm fooling myself. I do not miss my parents. I just think that's what I'm supposed to feel, so I force it. So many awful things happened to me here. Some at their hands.

You see, I was raised very poor. In the ghettos of one of the worst neighborhoods in Tacoma, WA. Us locals refer to it as "Tacompton." Drive byes. Sirens all night. Distant gun fire. I lived in constant fear. Not only because of some other things I endured as a child, but due to my environment, as well. I'm not going into detail, but trust me, total childhood shit show.

To this day, I'm more high strung than the average individual. I'm always waiting for the ball to drop. Always assessing every situation for an out; an escape hatch. I take a long time to trust people. And even when I think I'm trying to, I don't think I really am. I don't think I've ever truly been in love, in my life, either . I'm not sure if know what that looks like, or how that feels. I know for certain I've never been in a healthy relationship. I'm generally a very closed off and distant individual. I tried once, to be open, and ever so slightly let my guard down. Mistake.

This place puts me on edge. Not only due to the religious paraphernalia EVERYWHERE, but the overall environment. My joints are aching for the first time in months. I seem to be getting hives. And I can't hardly keep anything down, either.

This city, and all the bullshit I went through here..... I just don't want that to be my life's story. Maybe I come back, because I need a reminder of how far I've come from where I used to be.

It's good to have one place in my life where I can be honest, and say whatever I want, and not worry about judgement, or the wrong person knowing (career reasons).