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This Friday I sign the final papers. Divorce is not something I ever thought would define my life, yet here I am. I feel I am better for the experience, and yet I'd be a liar if I didn't also admit its turned me inside out and hung me out to dry. It unraveled my life, de-constructed my religious beliefs and led me to meet people who have helped me see the true essence of ME. I've written for over 10 years to help me cope with that deconstruction and subsequent piecing together of the remains. My first poem was about the "other woman" and since then has evolved into self therapy and describing what I believe real love consists of. Its not anything like I imagined.Its much harder than I ever imagined. Its also led me to deeper joy than I could imagine. Its given me a hunger for a raw primal sort of joy that I lacked. Sometimes I wonder if I will keep writing. I already am writing less and less. Perhaps that indicates a healing is taking place. Perhaps I am really ready...

CLOSURE

The door I've held open for so long is closing on rusty, squeaky hinges
And my flesh bears the resulting traces of addictions and binges and scars
My heart feels last minute twinges
of un-aired regret
Of unspoken sorrow
And yet,
the key is dangling between my fingers,
burning
And this time I'm yearning to use it
To make sure nothing lingers
Nothing
to keep out, or in
Even my sin, that's never been forgiven
Yours always fresh in my mind
How is it I thought I could find any piece of us in the aftermath
or did you?
Truly, there is nothing left that is true, nothing left to find
I'm no longer your kind, I see
You left long before you left
And I stayed longer than I stayed
And now Its all as it should be
We end as we began
Our words will be witnessed
We sign and resign
The door I've held open for so long is closing on rusty, squeaky hinges
It's time
and I'll be more than fine...

Flying Angel © 2018
Image credit: "The Brain in Jane"

Stargazer13 7 May 9
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15 comments

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0

I remember a book that was read to help me transition to the single life, Crazy Times. Maybe it will help you. Keep up the writing as it seems to have a deep connection to words. For me, life is about the journey, not the destination and the people we help on the way. Ibelieve your poems could do that for many.

0

Love the poem! Divorce sucks, but it will only make you stronger over time. I know from experience. You'll get through it with the help of friends and lots of activity!

2

I hope you find someone to spend your later years with as it can be very lonely.

1

I sympathize with you. My divorce was the roughest time of my life. Stay strong.

2

I also find that writing helps to sort through the thoughts traveling the streams of my consciousness. For over a year I've learned to meditate for 20 minutes twice a day and have found that to be helpful too.

2

A few minor hiccups, usually due to newer relationships, yet my life has been steadily improving since my divorce 25 years ago. To get "un" divorced would amount to absolute pain and horror to me.
I hope life sky rockets for you.

1

Hang in there ! Things get better with time and all your friends on this site. ? ?

@Stargazer13
You have friends here my dear. You have them here !

@Stargazer13
Thank you, I also need them .

2

It about says what you want it to say in the least amount of colloquialisms.your words are powerful,you seem strong.go kick some ass.I think you`re cool

2

Great poem! I am a year removed from my divorce finalization. We were married 16 years and one day. I felt it, too... But I felt 50 lbs lighter after signing. It was difficult at first, but now feels like a huge gift. Sounds like you may be in a similar situation. Hopefully the healing will begin to happen quickly after the papers are signed. Good luck.

3

Been through it more than once; first was absolutely the hardest, child involved. It branded me with the sense of how ephemeral everything is in life, and taught me fhat I can count on nothing and no one but myself, and even that is tenuous.

Beautiful poetry, btw. Stay strong.

4

I was with my ex-wife for 11 years; signed the divorce 5 years ago

Felt the same at the time

1

So sorry you're going through a painful experience. I left my ex in 2010 and moved to Thailand to teach, and never regretted it-had the time of my life!

Pick is of me, swimming at Samila Beach, ten minutes from my Songkhla apartment by motorbike, an hour from the Malaysia border.

4

Excellent poem! I just got divorced a few years back after 35 years, and though it wasn't a bad divorce, as these things go, it tore me apart and left me feeling like my life was uprooted. Part of that was because I also lost my job, and our 2 kids were growing up and moving out. I feel for you, having known some of what you've gone through. I'm also a poet, and have been writing since I was a teenager, and it does help. Keep it up. You're good at it.

@Stargazer13 I'm doing much better these days. Thanks for asking,

2

It gets better. Good luck.

JimG Level 8 May 9, 2018
2

good luck

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