Do you sometimes think your inner voice is a fetid swamp of nastiness and perverse ideas in which you wallow in judgmental goo? Mine is quick to judge, condemn and fabricate elaborate exchanges of hurtful epithets.
This is one reason there are some people I prefer not to encounter unless I'm fully awake.
1
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Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.YES! And it's taken me until fairly recently to realise it, but I suddenly woke up to how scathing, cynical and downright 'nasty' I was on the inside. Yet I'm well-loved amongst my friends and project a 'lovely guy' personality to all who know me.
What happened though, was that I then thought "oh crap, I hate myself" and set about a disastrously amateur attempt at getting 'better'. The result was that I fell into a much worse depression because of the disparity between what I expected of myself and what I was on the inside, AND the fact that I was beating back my core personality, expecting myself to be superhuman.
The point of telling you this: I came to the conclusion that it doesn't matter how much of a sick bunny I am at my core so long as my actions in the 'outside' world are positive.
Which they.... Weren't.... So what I did do was pick a handful of changes I could make to become a person I would be proud to be, and to focus on those. Chief amongst them were respect and compassion for others, and just simple honesty. Result so far... Much happier.
DaveMania
Level 6
May 21, 2018
2
Oh, and the 'elaborate exchanges' — do that too!! Now I just laugh at myself when I catch myself at it and go "whyyyy am I doing this?"
Try to find the more positive side of life. That usually works.
@AstralSmoke, @DaveMania The initial burst of anger is easily dissipated by contemplating strings of polysyllabic invective often beginning with "You know you're an idiot, right?" Then, if warranted, comes the revenge plotting stage. The rule is that the revenge must be as silly as possible, e.g. unleashing a chorus of capering clowns to follow the person about. Then, add to the revenge scenario until I laugh at which time the feeling of outrage is usually gone and I realize how trivial the "transgression" was. Aggression neutralized and the swampy ecosystem remains intact for the next blundering baboon.
P.S. Some of the images find their way into my art though you'd never recognize them as vengeance unless you knew how convoluted my mossy mind is.
@pixiedust I cannot even imagine.
I don’t appreciate goo for all its sticky characteristics. Maybe I’ll give it another go?
AstralSmoke
Level 8
May 21, 2018
1
Silly putty?
No doubt about it! I actually picture the devil on my shoulder talking in my ear like the cartoons sometimes. If people could read my mind my face would be bruised badly by now. My inner dialog is so vile it is not allowed to speak to anyone but me lol I used to argue with that voice but now I just laugh at it or even have a discussion with it. I actually think it is a right brain/left brain thing or Yin/Yang, emotion/intellect, masculine/feminine??? Imagine if we really had no filters.
CreativelyMe
Level 7
May 21, 2018
2
I shudder at the thought of no filters.
@pixiedust Probably would solve the overpopulation issues.
@CreativelyMe LOL
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